Relinquishing Control

If you know me very well at all, you will atest to the fact that I appreciate maintaining control over my little world. This fact became even more apparant when I became a parent and had to learn to relax and "let be" a little. While I still struggle with this in regards to parenting, at least I'm aware of the tendencies. I've had a few experiences lately that have pushed me to "trust" in those who happen to have more control over certain aspects of my life than I do.

First, I've been having braxton hicks contractions for quite a while now. No big deal, everyone gets them, right? They came quite a bit sooner with this little guy than with Cooper, but from what I hear, that's also normal in subsequent pregnancies. The issue was that they started coming at a rate of 3-4 an hour. A bit of concern for the dr. at my last visit, so I started keeping track and they got to the point this week that it was wise to rule out preterm labor. Let me break this down a bit more. I have two small children. When I'm running errands, playing with Coop or doing housework the contractions are stronger and more frequent. When I take it easy, they are less apparant. We took a trip to the OB triage unit at the hospital today just to make sure things were ok. The first thing they did was have me lay down. The second thing they did was give me a shot of stuff to make contractions stop. Then they monitored me for an hour and lo and behold, there were not many contractions present! Go figure! The news worth receiving was that I am not dialated enough to be significant at this point and there were not preterm labor hormones present either, so I'm in good shape- except for those wretched contractions that of course resumed just after returning home. Lest you think I left the hospital without voicing this concern, know that I expressed my puzzlement at their monitoring methods and my nurse agreed... instructions: take it easy and come back if there are six contractions in an hour. Alright- they're the professionals, I'll listen. I really don't think there's much to be concerned about anyway, but it was nice to have someone else verify this.

Second, and I must tread lightly here seeing as I have ward members who lurk around my blog (lurking is not used negatively here, it simply means that you read and don't comment!) I have been reminded that those who are in positions of authority in the church are there for a reason. I am choosing to trust the inspiration of those in charge as the peaceful feeling regarding the releasing of and extending of callings has been more of a bit of turmoil to a few around me. I know the issue of inspiration when a calling is extended has always been a touchy issue as some take it quite seriously and others view filling positions in a more logistical manner. It's easy to look at a ward list and see who doesn't have a calling or who holds specific talents and "plug" them in somewhere, or look at the calendar and say, "yep, time for a switch," but I have always chosen to believe that those in positions to make such decisions choose to do so with the spirit's confirmation. While some callings may not have seemed to fit initially to me, I haven't ever really questioned them, knowing that they have been extended as they should have. Due to some recent shifting in our ward, I am struggling a little with that peace and know that it will simply take a little time. It's just one of those times that I am trusting that the spirit has been clear to those with authority and and praying that the uneasy feeling it left me with will go away. I have the utmost respect and admiration for the leaders that surround me and appreciate that they are the kind who are in tune with our Father in Heaven. The unfamiliar feeling to not have peace about it right away is perhaps a part of a lesson to me in trusting those who have the control, because unfortunately, it's a lesson that might have to be learned more than once.

Thanksgiving on the Rez

A note from my Gratitude Journal, written on Thanksgiving Day, 2007:

I am in Tohatchi, NM with my little family. We have rented a motorhome and have just finished dinner with Grandma Bitsilly and various family members. While I was unsure if this was how I wanted to spend my holiday weekend, I know it is important that my children, Denten and I have the opportunity to strengthen the relationships we have with this part of our family.

I have been reminded the last few weeks that while the Bitsilly's are not always the first people that come to mind when I think about my extended family, I am blessed to be a member of this unique family and an observer of this culture. Despite the behavioral or lifestyle differences this family holds, they are very supportive of one another and strive to be close to each other. I have seen them rally around a brother, uncle, cousin in order to help them fight an addiction or support their family. They join together to celebrated births, milestones and are very supportive of each other's successes. Most recently they have kept in touch, fasted and prayed across miles for a cousin to recover from a serious accident. Grandma really appreciates the effort her family makes to travel to see her and loves to be with them. While her children come by occasionally, she has said she is lonely here by herself. She has enjoyed Cooper and Seneca and while they have gotten a little bored, it has been a good reminder of the way of life here and the issues that continue to plague this society.

I spent time visiting with Grandma recording what she considers to be her life history. It was facinating to hear the details she remembers and watch her recall her past. I am grateful to have this history to pass onto my children.

I am grateful when I am here for the conveniences of modern day that I have come to view as necessity. Cleanliness, warmth, space, all things that I enjoy every day and find myself missing when I leave my more-than-adequate comfortable home. By the same token, it has been a pleasant reminder that our daily lives become easily complicated. A distance from the computer and constant phone calls puts the focus back on simple play and value of simply being together.

A few photos of life at Grandma Bitsilly's:

Cooper helping Grandma with the sheep.





Thanksgiving Day: Jo making frybread... so delicious!



Our adorable centerpiece



Auntie Del dancing with Senny, introducing her to George Strait, who they were both drooling over!



Grandma had a bit of legal work for Denten to do while we were there. Drafting the document wasn't a problem until we saw the lack of modern day equipment we had to work with... after several tries (no functioning backspace or whiteout), we both added the "delete" key on the computer to the things we were grateful for!



My babies with their Navajo Great-grandmother.



Grandma Bitsilly is an amazing woman who has raised an amazing family. I am truly blessed to have been accepted into this culture. "My white grand-daughter," she calls me. And I am. I always feel incredibly white when I am on the reservation, but proud to have married into such a rich culture. Despite the fact that I just about froze my little buns off, this was a trip well worth the drive.

Seneca's Perfect Weekend

While I've been excited to post about this long-awaited event, I'm hesitant simply because my feelings on the happenings of the last few days are so strong and so positive that I want to record them well so that we remember just how smoothly and perfect everything went. As I have taken time to journal for myself, I realize that the details I want to remember will have to follow in bits and pieces as the blog post would be endless. In the meantime, here are a few photos of our precious daughter and the wonderful weekend that was.

In the courthouse just after the judge finalized our adoption of little Seneca. It's official, she's ours!



The lighting in our photos at the temple wasn't very good, but here's my family just before Seneca's sealing.



Grandma and Grandpa Robinson



With my Grandparents Banks at the Mesa Temple.



My beautiful baby girl just after her blessing.



Our little family.



Senny on her special day.



Our family being together and having so many wonderful events occur made this weekend surreal to me. It was evidence to me once again what a special little girl we have and that Heavenly Father's hand is very present in our lives. Saturday we had our adoption finalized in the morning and had little Seneca sealed to us that evening. Sunday Denten gave her a beautiful blessing and we enjoyed our family at our home for lunch before they all had to return home. Life is too quiet for me today as it often is after I've been together with all of our family, but I've also enjoyed the reminder of how precious our children are and what a complete blessing it is for me to be their mother. I am also incredibly grateful that Heavenly Father gave me Denten as he continues to be a wonderful, strong, caring father and husband who is involved in the lives of his family. It is fitting that this week is one to reflect on what we're grateful for as my gratitude is overflowing tonight.

Girl's Weekend in Chicago!

Yes, it was as good as it sounds. Four wonderful days with my mother and sisters spent chatting, laughing, eating, shopping and lounging.

A few highlights:
- "Wicked" really is as good as everyone said it would be, even though that evening we were all feeling a little under the weather. The music was terrific and the actors incredibly talented.
- Chicago-style pizza is highly overrated. Grateful for the experience and atmosphere, don't need to eat it again.
- If you're staying on the "Mile," it truly is Magnificent. Most anything I could have asked for right there, and in bigger and better quantities than I could find here, i.e. Macy's and Nordstrom were both pretty darn impressive and had way too much to offer.
- Garrett's famous popcorn: thought it was overrated until I found myself eating the whole bag and wanting more. It really was delish.
- Sharing a hotel room with my mother and having the sisters in the ajoining room. It was a big party the whole weekend long.
- Late-night and dinner conversations ranging anywhere from reminicing about the past, making plans for the future, discussing family situations, social issues, cultural phenomena, what the guy at the next table must be thinking, is our server just as bizarre as he appears, and of course the men in our lives.

Katelyn and I



So we did a little shopping...



Mom (and dad), thank you very much for a much needed trip away from home. A chance to reconnect with my sisters, enjoy the friendship I have with my mother, miss and therefore appreciate my little ones and come home ready to start it all again. A big thanks to Denten as well who was a champ holding down the fort here as he was also feeling crummy while I was away. It was terrific! 'Til next year...

Playing nurse

Senny's caught a bug. It's miserable, poor thing. I could tell yesterday something wasn't right... you know, those diapers tell a lot! Then she was sick three times in the night. The poor girl is the most pleasant sick person I've ever seen. She sat quietly through a bath at 2:00 a.m., and still smiles at us. She was so hungry this morning, but her little tummy wasn't quite ready to eat yet. Hopefully she can just rest today and get feeling better.

Seneca's dad is sick also, with a yucky cold that won't go away. It's moved down into his chest and he's had a few restless nights, although last night he tried Alicia's vapo rub foot trick and stopped coughing immediately! The trick is to put the menthol rub on the bottom of your feet and put socks on and your cough will subside... it was supposedly guaranteed and while he was skeptical, after a while he gave it a try, thank goodness! I think it's the best he's slept in a while.

Don't worry about Coop and I, I've decided we're not getting sick. I just don't have the time or desire to feel crummy right now. Today is our last home visit from the Navajo Tribe before Seneca's adoption is final and I've got to finish whipping this place into shape! The woman coming is great, and she probably won't care about the condition of my home as much as I do, but I am leaving town in two days and will feel much better leaving it nice and clean. So wish me luck getting my babies healthy again before I ditch them for a wonderful child-free mother/sister weekend in Chicago!

Happy Halloween!

To Infinity and beyond!!





Woody dropped by for a visit!





Our little pumpkin