seen and heard on christmas eve.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house…

seen:  seneca outlasting her mother as a super shopper.  we visited five stores in the mall to find the perfect shoes.  this girl was not easily satisfied. thankfully the very last stop had the perfect ones.

seen:  dad taping cooper shooting baskets, then both of them analyzing the footage.

heard:  cooper singing ‘jingle bells’ at the top of his lungs many, many times today.

seen:  beckham emptying the contents of his dresser instead of taking a nap.

seen:  mom being stopped as she tried to come out of her room after a nap.  there were secret missions going on.

heard:  seneca exclaiming that waffles with her choice of topping was the “best dinner in the whole world.”

seen:  nutella, strawberries and cream slathered over belgian waffles.

heard:  dad reading the Christmas story from the bible.

heard:  discussion about how the wisemen were mentioned in one account but not the other.  and other scrutinizing details.

seen:  children thoughtfully picking the spot to lay out their stockings.

heard:  cooper reminding us that we needed cookies for santa.

seen:  cooper sprinkling the front lawn with reindeer food and glitter… to attract the reindeer, of course.

seen:  all the family snuggled up on the couch watching the nativity movie.

heard:  “sleeping on the straw with the animals would be gross.”

heard:  “that’s mary.  I love mary.”

seen:  dad taking photos.  many, many photos. 

seen:  beckham unable to sit still for a single one.

 

heard:  silence as they are all nestled snug in their beds as visions of sugarplums work their way into their heads.

hope your morning is magic.

Merry Christmas.

homebodies

Dutch went to visit the shop today, so we've been homebodies. I love days like these when, even if there is something to be done, we have to stay at home. We've completed the third batch of ginger cookies this season and have them wrapped and ready to deliver. There is a myriad of art projects going on in the other room. I spent quality time with my heating pad and my book on the couch. They have played outside, we played a few rounds of candyland and had great naps. Beckham is currently playing me songs at the piano and singing. A few last errands this evening and then we're ready for the big day to arrive. Although, there is still a lot of wrapping to be done...

on reality, my mother and the black pants.

you know the slump.  it comes, it goes, but while it’s present you feel out of sorts, off balance, out of sync.  when it comes at christmas time, it feels extra heavy.  there is an ideal in my head.  the way christmas should be, the way I plan it as I lay in bed at night.  and then there is reality.  reality is such a pain sometimes.  differences of opinion, financial annoyances, compromises, schedules, you know… reality.  I am more impressed with my mother every year for the magic she managed to pull off every year when I was growing up.  I don’t know how she did it, really.  how did she get it all done?  she was the master of organization, that’s for sure.  the gifts, the experiences, the opportunities… it was all perfect and attempting to recreate it all is nearly impossible.  maybe she started in july.  I should try that. 

I don’t want to feel disappointed at christmas time.  I want to feel excited and great about what is going to happen at my house on that magical morning.  I want to be excited about what my children will receive.  I want it to be perfect. 

I read patria’s post today.  I wanted to climb into my own pants, hop on a plane and go crawl in bed with her.  we would probably cry our eyes out together and then laugh at how ridiculous we were.  because really, life is great, but there are slumps and I really don’t want to be in a grinchy slump.  read about the pants.  then tell me you have those days. 

from patria:

Tis the season for clever and beautiful Christmas cards bearing good tidings and lovely family pictures. We receive fewer and fewer of these cards as the years pass, perhaps as our address has changed or we're not good at keeping in touch. The only year we've pulled it together to do a holiday card ourselves was the first year we moved back to Hawaii. It seems totally overwhelming to get a picture taken, print up cards and round up addresses for friends near and far. I applaud anyone who does this. The most recent family photo we have is above. Special isn't it? That's us, home from 8 am church, posing on the dirty stairs.

As the cute cards trickle in and we are in the midst of the cheery holidays, I wouldn't be genuine if I left out how this last weekend played out for me. The typical work week this year is exhausting. I'm grateful for my work and I live in the best place to recharge my batteries, but this happens to be one of the most intense work periods of my life. Sometimes this manifests itself in what I refer to as "little crashes" or "hitting rock bottom" or "melting down" or "having a mental break." This is when I become kind of non-functional. I wander aimlessly around the house, overwhelmed with what I should focus on. I berate myself for not being a better mom, social worker, wife, LDS person, whatever. I am short tempered with my family. I can't even clean my room.

I can sometimes find humor in the unfortunate ways this plays out. On Friday I came home from work, showered and put on my favorite black, elastic waist comfy pants. I slept in those pants. I wore them on Saturday and I slept in them again. On Sunday morning as I was frantically grabbing things to teach Sunbeams at church, I wore the black pants again. To church. With a baggy shirt. I looked horrific and I felt even worse. It's just one of those special times when I want to crawl out of my skin, feel trapped by my life and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. On the way home, Mark looked at me and said "should we get some help?" Yep, low point. But the truth is, these little crashes just happen sometimes. I freak out, unravel for a few days and then pull it together in time to not scare my family too much. I crack a joke to Mark about how I could be an advertisement for these pants- "they'll take you from work, to home, to bed, and to church!" I pop a handful of my "free and easy" supplements to treat anxiety, prescribed by the naturopath, which I had stopped taking. Mark said "better double up on that dose."

As I sit here typing this, the kids are in bed and I am still wearing the black pants.
Don't worry, this doesn't happen all that often and this season really has been enjoyed with holiday music, treats, gifts, and pondering the innumerable blessings in our life. But you know when people's lives start to look glossy? That can be annoying. And I've got issues. I"m sure other people who look glossy have issues, even turning their issues into something glossy. The truth is, the deeper I get into life, the more I see that the only way we'll make it through this life in tact is with God. So I'd love to wrap this post up by expounding with some really feel good words about that, but it's not in me right now. I've got no gloss for the way this weekend played out. But I am definitely looking forward to this week. My kids remind me of everything that is good in the world. Recently Mark and I asked (out of pure curiosity, since they hadn't talked about it yet) "so what do you guys want Santa to bring you for Christmas?" Ruby excitedly said "Oh mommy, I would like anything that Santa brings me!" and Atticus said "me too mommy!" Cuteness. They still haven't asked for a thing. I honestly think they are happy with anything. I hope they can hang on to that as long as possible.

betcha can’t guess…

where we went last night…

the purple trees were senny’s favorite, they were soooo beautiful. 

on our way home we drove through some wonderfully-lit neighborhoods.  these children have mastered the “oooooh, aaaaaaah” when they see a house outputting significant wattage.

home for hot chocolate-flavored ice cream completed the night.  was it really cold enough for those hats?  well, if you’re me.

the magic.

they see santa.

they watch and wait for their turn.

They are completely satisfied with a candy cane.  They don’t understand that this is a time that they could ask for virtually anything in the world- or maybe they do and their desires are just simple. 

For weeks the only thing on Seneca’s wish list is a Key. 

“so I can unlock stuff and lock stuff, too.” 

that’s it.  just a key.

Beckham’s answer is also constant.  “what do you want for Christmas?”

“a giant rock.” 

um-hmmm.  super.

last night we had a slam-bangin' good time of a party here.

this house was filled with lovely people.

I learned:

- no matter how much you prep the inside of this house for a party, chances are it will end up outside. I remember every day that this yard was a big part of why I love this house.

- I fully appreciate when Denten is in charge in the kitchen.

Dessert was great and I didn't do a thing.

- A wood-burning fire is mesmerizing. To people of all ages.

- This is a unique climate where it is appropriate for both the fire inside

and my children playing in flip-flops outside.

- We have awesome friends.

Today I need to make cookies and get them in the mail immediately to my brother. We tried this last week and they were given away or eaten before they were ever sent.

We're on a mission today: Get the missionary his cookies!

Next up: my children finally sat on Santa's lap. betcha can't guess what they asked for.

really. you can't guess. just be patient.

ChRisTmas BreAk!!

 

School is out for two whole weeks!!

Are we sad about it?

No way… Celebrate!!

I’m pretty sure I’ve been more excited for school to be out than Coop has.  A break from the routine, a chance to have him home to have fun with us… it’s gonna be great!  We’re on a roll beginning today with the first of three parties in three days- Beckham is in heaven.  And while we’re anxious to visit snow in Utah, we’re loving this perfect weather!

working on a win.

I don’t want to believe what Ashlee said, that days are won or lost in the last hours, but it might be true.  If so, I really need to improve my win-loss ratio.  We had a pretty good day.  Seneca had her Christmas party at preschool, which is heaven for her.  We had Elsie come play with Beckham during preschool to ease my guilt about getting chores done rather than playing with him.  They had fun together, I thought it a good move.  Bex and Elsie went with me to pick up Senny then the four of us hit the library.  That’s right, the library with a three-year-old and two two-year-olds.  I was mentally prepared for the potential outcome.  They were excellent.  The lady at the counter even told me as I paid my fines that they were being so quiet and obedient in the library.  I didn’t tell her they had been threatened with their lives.  Just kidding.  They played and looked at books and we sang in the car on the way home. 

The kids ate lunch outside and had great naps.  When Coop got home we picked up more friends and headed to the park for a while.  They ran and played to their little heart’s content before we stopped to get dinner, came home to eat, shower and attempt a pick-up.  It was somewhere in there that the darn witching hour took over.  I don’t even know how to describe what it’s like getting this house picked up, and it wasn’t even that bad.  Focusing on the task at hand and not getting distracted is a major issue.  My patience grows thin and I am anxious to get them in bed as fast as possible.  We brush teeth, read new Christmas books together on Senny’s bed, sing a few songs, tuck in the little ones, move to Coop’s room for reading time, put the little ones back to bed two more times, finally lock a door to get him to stay and try really hard to use my nice voice through the whole process.  And it is a process.  It really is.  I told Denten when we got back from New Mexico that I didn’t remember when I was gone to fully appreciate the fact that I wasn’t home doing bedtime.  Eventually they all go to sleep, but I have to wonder if they are laying in their beds remembering the fun day they had or the mean mom who keeps telling them to stay in their beds. 

I don’t want to be a mean mom.  Because I like my kids, I really do.  I had fun with them today, we laughed and played and read and did great things together, but bedtime?  It’s killing me.  I need to end the day with a win.  We’ll work on that.

I have, have you?

- Have you ever been so warm in the shower that you stay a few unnecessary minutes just to postpone the getting-out process?

- Have you ever anticipated a phone call so much that you were completely attached to your phone all day waiting for it to ring?

- Have you ever been transported back to an earlier time when a certain song plays?

- Have you ever skipped out on doing your hair after a shower knowing you wouldn’t see anyone today anyway?  and then regret it?

- Have you ever belted out a song pretending you were on a stage performing for real?

- Have you ever sworn up and down that you wouldn’t ever have a car that looked like that?  and then realized you lied?

- Have you ever driven over two hours to find that one pair of shoes that would be perfect with that dress?

- Have you ever cancelled your whole day because you just didn’t want to handle all that was planned?

- Have you ever hurried to bed as fast as you could just to have a few extra minutes of reading time?

- Have you ever carried around a major regret wishing with all your might you could turn back time?

- Have you ever wished you could give someone advice that would save them a lot of heartache but knew they had to do it on their own?

- Have you ever wondered what one major decision in your life made the most impact in getting you to where you are today?

- Have you ever been too honest?

- Have you ever looked around at the mess and wondered what you ever did to deserve the fantastic life you have? 

- Have you ever lost sleep over a big decision?  over a little one? 

- Have you ever owned a pair of pants that made you feel like a million bucks when you wore them? 

- Have you ever been surprised that scars really do fade?

I have.  Have you?

back. in a few ways.

This blog is back in business. I think. It disappeared off the face of the web for a few days. Seems several hundred bloggers were in quite a tizzy over the same issue. I'm grateful I don't use this for business purposes... those people were really mad. I was concerned, however, seeing as this has been used almost exclusively as my journaling for past few years. I was hopeful though, and patient. And I've learned that backing up your blog is a fantastic idea. You can educate yourself here. Thank you, Brenda.

I discovered this blog-disappearing business upon returning home from a lovely little escape. Denten's firm Christmas party was in Santa Fe Saturday. We waited until late in the game to decide to go. Arranging someone for the kids is always the drawback, but we made it happen and I'm so glad we did. We only see these people twice a year and I really enjoy them. It was a great evening, again reminding me that we are so blessed to first, have work; and second, that it is with great people who love what they do and who are stinkin' good at it. The Tempe office was recognized this year as the only firm in Arizona specializing in Indian Law to achieve Tier One status in the National ranking of firms. The firm was also recognized in New Mexico for the same honor. These people are interesting, entertaining and delightful. And 48 hours without children is major. Wandering compelling galleries, trying new cuisine and having uninterrupted time with the spouse is just a little bit of heaven.

I believe the time away was as good for the children as it was for us. Between a date at the movie theater, making a gingerbread house (immaculate, by the way), and enjoying endless games and fun with Rachel, I'm not sure they were ready for us to be back so soon.

The final countdown to Christmas is on and it's time to throw a party, finish wrapping and enjoy the magic of these final weeks.

pick a title, any title.

laying on my floor is one sippy cup, two dirty socks, two bouncy balls and a train.  I suppose the list of things they did pick up is more random than what they left.

my new pan of brownies has a beckham-sized hole in the middle.  he can’t lie his way out of it with chocolate teeth.

corralling children into the bathroom to brush teeth required an appearance from the tickle-monster.  Cooper said we should have a contest to see who is the better tickle-monster, me or Lindsay.  She’d probably win.

I talked to both of my sisters today.  They both made me laugh really hard.  It’s ok to laugh at their unfortunate events, they’ve had plenty of chances to laugh at mine.

Seneca snuck out of bed tonight to come listen to the young women who came caroling.  I was kinda grateful.  Caroling is a little awkward! 

I really should just write a letter to Santa and send it to the North Pole and see what happens.  I mean, he is magic, after all and I’m afraid a few items on my wish list would definitely require magic.

Last night I was asleep before 10:00 p.m. (never happens) and slept the whole night through until 6 a.m. (also never happens).  It was amazing.  It’s startling how much better a mother I am when I am not sleep-deprived.  Seeing as it is 9:59 p.m. right now, that is obviously not happening again tonight, but it sure was lovely.

The two little ones and I hit seven stores today before meeting cousins for lunch. SEVEN. they were excellent shoppers, we got lots crossed off the list today. a quick visit to dad at work, home for power naps then off to music class... I'm wiped out.

the day.

- coop lost another tooth. he's got the two front ones on the bottom missing.

- enjoyed a fairly reverent testimony meeting today and a great RS lesson on gifts from our Savior.

- made creamy tortilla soup. it's good.

- had a good nap, although it was a little restless. too much trying to go on in my head.

- was so proud of diane for her 1/2 marathon accomplishment today.

- thought about jaim on her birthday.

- watched beckham attempt to play football in the backyard with his brother and dad.

- missing a few family members extra today.

- ready for peace to settle in. it's been a little elusive lately.

- downloaded google chrome. haven't used it enough to know if I love it, but it gives me the option of a kate spade background. what's not to love about that?

today seneca woke up feeling crummy and it just kept going downhill. by the time we were leaving the soccer game she was whiny and out of it and kept telling us her ear hurt. we went to a party for coop's team and she was lethargic and restless. dent brought us home for naps. I am grateful for energy work and essential oils. after her nap she has been her old self- no pain, no fever, no whining. and I got a nap too... bonus. I needed it.

this was cooper's last game of the season. as I told my brother in my letter this week, he looks awesome on the field, but he's playing with pee-wees that don't really care which direction the ball is going. there is one other player about coop's level on the team and the two of them have had a good time and scored enough for their enormous egos. it was fun for him but he wasn't challenged at all and I'm not sure he learned any new skills. we'll be looking for a different league next time around or volunteer to coach so we know the time is well-spent.

beckham may turn out to be our best negotiator yet. we thought coop was good but this kid might have him beat. and he's persistent. if sitting on the potty for ridiculous amounts of time means stalling bedtime, he'll do it.

seneca likes to dance in front of our back windows at night when she can see her reflection. she's been prancing around on her tippy-toes all evening in her tutu waving her arms around. and have I mentioned her hips? It is very clear she did not get those from me, 'cause she can move them! there is a video in existence of her dance performance- I suppose I should share it. proof her hips have a life of their own.

it has been quite some time that we have all been to church together between sickies and vacations. shall we place bets on whether it will happen tomorrow?

cooper, lights and the rest.

Cooper lost his first tooth earlier this week. I think it was exciting but freaked him out just a little. It was so tiny! The tooth fairy wasn't something we had spent a lot of time discussing beforehand as was evident when D and I were whispering our disagreements in Cooper's room late that night as to how much money the tooth fairy was going to leave. Something that should probably be decided before the fairy gets right to the pillow. Anyway, he woke up early and happy to count his coins. He's already working on the next loose tooth. He talks a little differently with one missing and it's so dang cute.

I've been feeling for him lately as he comes home and gets his work done and then looks for a friend to play with. We knew moving in this area that there weren't kids his age in our immediate neighborhood but hoped that through school, church, soccer, swimming, music class, etc. that we'd find the right ones. He's met some great kids but boys are not just around the corner. He's been great to play with his brother and sister but was happy to bring friends home from school today to play basketball with. They are nice boys and it's fun to see him interact with his peers.

I've decided that there are definite benefits to moving into a house someone has already lived in. Such as... I discovered today that there are already hooks clear around the house for Christmas lights. Seeing that the Mr. has limited time for such things these days, I fully appreciated that this made my job super easy. It also helps that we have a flat roof and I simply had to walk around and drop the lights into place. I've got one more strand to go... let's pray they all turn on when I'm done!

Seneca is wearing purple today. She looks pretty in purple.
Beckham is asleep right now. He looks delicious when he's asleep.

The Christmas tree is up and music of the season is constant around here.  I’ve been feeling so crummy that my job last night was to sit on the floor, unwrap ornaments and pass them off to the three official decorators.  And I haven’t even rearranged them.  I’m not sure if that’s a sign that I feel like a sicky or that I need less control over my environment than I have needed in the past.  We’ll see how long until it bugs me. 

The Christmas elf left his letter this morning.  He’s watching us… and reports to the North Pole each night as to who has been naughty and nice.  The children in this house keep telling me they’re nice but I’m not convinced their behavior is communicating the same message.  Maybe a day with an empty space in the advent calendar would change things?  hmmmm.

It was so nice to have my mom here for a few days.  She’s kind of like superwoman when she’s here, getting so much accomplished.  We even got a date.  She didn’t think returns at the mall and a quick dinner sounded like a great date but I thought it was great!  And I mentioned shopping… I should let all my concerned readers know that I am the proud owner of fantastic brown boots, because I know you’ve all been concerned.  What?  You think I’m kidding?  Guess how many of you have called or texted me thinking you found me a deal on my dream boots?  Yeah, more than just you!  I’ve got myself an army of personal shoppers who have my back!  Well, I didn’t get those, but these are just as great and more practical. 

And… they look fantastic with jeggings.  Yep.  I was not in favor of this particular fashion phenom but it turns out they are darling and surprisingly comfortable.  Nordstrom is the place for quite the variety.

And a picture just because.  This is Beckham’s favorite guy.  He talks about and to him all the time and always with enthusiasm.  Grandpa pretty much rocks his world.  mine too.

Thanksgiving, ‘10

The Memories Include:

gram and grandpa.  cousin tessa.  uncle wade and aunt katelyn with a baby in her tummy.  rediscovering the desert.  fine dining.  no dishes!  new dresses.  horseback riding.  swimming.  ice cream with grandpa.  gram and coop watching funny movies together in bed.  playing dress-up.  so much food.  MC’s chocolate pie.  uncle drew playing bball on tv.  sneaky children making mega-messes.  funny phone call from harrie.  riding in a hot-air balloon.  car issues.  more car issues.  thoughtful conversations.  lots of laughing.  a few tears.  a fantastic weekend.