a breath of fresh air

my wednesday nights. post-edit

2012-01-25T18:50:00.001-08:00

Tonight I watched Coop’s practice for the first half hour then moved down the field to watch these two. Cooper is doing great and thankfully has a fun friend in his Wednesday night practice group. My entertainment started when I moved to watch this duo. They are in the same practice group on Wednesdays and will probably be on the same team as well, for convenience sake. How am I supposed to be at three different games and practices?! The last part of practice the coach had them scrimmage. There were probably 10-12 kids, Senny and Bex were on the same side. Senny was on fire and kept hauling down the field and scoring. I was proud, but quiet as she did enough celebrating for both of us. She would throw her hands up in the air and jump around and yell, “a score! a score!” Beckham would cheer for her, but I don’t think the rest of her team even knew what was happening. The really amusing/ embarrassing part was when she would yell, “I have four goals!” and then shake her little bottom in a happy dance. Show-off. We talked later about how it’s great to score, and you can be happy about it, but you don’t have to yell how many you have- it might make the other kids feel bad. She finished the night with five, and was the only one on her team to score. The other team got two in, one by mistake. Beckham wasn’t as aggressive, but eventually wanted to get in there enough he began roaring at the opposing players. I was trying not to laugh and reprimand at the same time and eventually decided to keep my mouth shut and let the coach handle it. Perhaps he thinks he’s intimidating with a loud, “RRRroooaaarrrr!” This should be an interesting soccer season, no?

I forgot something. There was a dad watching on the sidelines tonight, not to far from me who had impressive, thick, brown dreads and a long bushy beard. When Senny ran off the field for a drink, she pointed and said loudly, “that guy looks…” I stopped her and quietly said, “Senny, be nice.” She looked at me with a look that said, ‘I’m not being mean, I’m just saying…’ and proceeded to tell me that he looked like “the guy from Harry Potter.” It was totally true, and totally loud. And his wife was right behind me. Awesome. I apologized and said that I hope he wasn’t easily offended, we were just the honest four-year-old type. ‘Cause, apparently, we are.

good news.

2012-01-25T08:48:00.001-08:00

we’re full of it around here.

first, these two lovies and getting hitched!! I’m so excited I can hardly stand it and my kids keep talking about “the wedding,” and all the fun it will be. we love Dan the Man and therefore were happy to pay him a visit when his team came to play at ASU last week.

we ate pizza and cheered on CU and left our favorite new guy some of his favorite treats for the flight home.

and for more good news, this cute boy is in the one-minute club! he was able to go though all his music flashcards in 57 seconds naming all of the notes in both the treble and bass clefs as well as symbols for flat, sharp and natural. we were at over two minutes a week ago, so his smile is the result of seeing his hard work all week pay off at music class.

and this morning on the way to school, he throws out there… “oh, mom. I’m on student council. my class voted and I won.” what? you’re in first grade? that’s what my head said. from what I understand everyone who was interested in being a classroom representative was voted on in class and one boy and one girl were chosen. He and his good friend Ryan were the elected. This made me happy because while this school change has been the absolute right move academically, I have wondered about Coop’s social life. Some of the kids in his class are weird. Just being honest. There are nice ones, too, but he hasn’t really clicked with any one or ones enough to have great friends that extend out of school. I was glad to hear that people like him and have his teacher say that while he knows he’s at school to work and he takes it seriously, he has loosened up and has a good time in class. Way to go, Coop!

FOUR

2012-01-25T08:35:00.001-08:00

Beckham had been waiting for his birthday for a LONG time. There were always way too many days left until the big day.

In anticipation, we had a lot of time to talk about what he wanted to do for his birthday. Roller skating was the answer and try as I might to sway him toward other options, this one stuck. for good. for a month.

so skating, it was.

we took the whole fam-damily and invited Elsie to join us.

thank you Heaven for skate mates. my back couldn’t do two hours holding kids up.

friends over for cake and ice cream later and he was one happy four-year-old.

I keep telling him that it’s ok if he still wants to be three, but he never takes me up on it. he’s the cutest four-year-old boy I know and gives the very best kisses around. Man, I love this kid but he’s getting way too big, way too fast.

eat. it’s what I do several times a day.

2012-01-23T17:51:00.001-08:00

First, Thank You. Wow. Between this blog and facebook, I have had an overwhelming amount of love and support come at me and am incredible grateful for dear friends, family and your awfully kind words. It is not quite the adventure I was planning on this summer, but will be an adventure of a different sort, one I’ll embrace gladly. I may need your help, however, because I’m pretty sure my mother refuses to step foot in this state in July… I may need to send my kids to you. That’s ok, right?!

Second, this one is different from the last two times I carried babies inside me. I never felt quite this crummy with the boys- perhaps Heaven is mixing it up a little or perhaps I’m just trying to take care of three littles this time when I didn’t have quite the responsibility load before. Thankfully, I think the worst is over, although tired is still here and demands to be heard. And hunger. Goodness, it’s amazing that I can feel famished after eating less than three hours ago. This baby has gone through phases as to what he or she prefers.

there was a bagel and cream cheese stretch- toasted and slathered with veggie variety, at least once a day. glad that ended, it probably wasn’t so healthy, but man, when I wanted it, I wanted it.

then there are the apples. honey crisp accompanied by peanut butter. slice and dip. and bless Denten’s heart, sometimes I need them right before bed, so he endures the crunching while we are on the couch. but if I’m having cheese (english cheddar with carmelized onions) and wheat crackers, I need granny smiths. the tart with the cheese and the crunch- mmm it’s good. cheese can be found at TJ’s and F&E. it’s very specific, I know.

there was the fish taco week. I needed them. finally got my hands on them and had them two nights in a row and for a few lunches after that. I’m positive that Baja in Cali would taste much better, but for some reason, I just needed them.

I also needed tomato sandwiches for lunch several days in a row, which is so weird because I despise tomatoes on their own.

and now for the repulsive? occasionally I need mac and cheese. not kind-of-healthy homemade kind, but the kraft variety straight from the blue box. it’s not often, but once in a while it sounds better than anything else. I know, it’s gross. my kids see it in our house and wonder if the world is ending ‘cause mom does not buy that stuff. however, they think it’s awesome and fully support my occasion lapses in judgment.

ice cream does not do it for me, neither do baked goods, which is alarmingly strange. it’s like I need real food, in abundance.

this week it has been breakfast burritos, although they are not limited to breakfast time. a tortilla, cheese, a couple slices of turkey, a scrambled egg and a little salsa, all wrapped up, totally does the trick. although it might be coming to an end and I don’t know what is next.

any suggestions??

clearing the air.

2012-01-19T16:12:00.001-08:00

Alright, already. Let’s get a few things out in the open, shall we? Some of you “in the know” have been patient and some not so much. Remember I told you a few posts ago that this year was going to be one of transitions for us here Robinsons?

Have you read this blog lately and thought to yourself, “man, she is one lazy girl!” If so, I take no offense and fully admit to such. There just happens to be good reason.

I happen to have a little baby growing in my tummy.

You may respond to this here screen with a “wait. WHAT?” or a, “I knew it!” Both of which would be common responses thus far. The thing is, it threw me, as in surprised the socks right off of me. And if you thought I was taken, you should have seen my husband’s face. It was a very slow, “Whhaaaatttt?” followed by a mix of complete disbelief and pure shock.

So here’s the thing. I knew there would be another baby in this family. Knew it, no doubt, have a storage closet full of properly labeled bins of baby, toddler and children’s clothes to prove that I knew something was coming sometime. I did not, however, know that it would come through my own body. Knew it was possible, but not really so possible, you know what I mean? Therefore I had pretty much written off the idea of ever being pregnant again- had come to terms with the fact that I most likely wouldn’t feel a baby move inside me again in this life, which is the very very best part about pregnancy, in my opinion. I had also gladly written off the changes my body is going through, the stretching, the uncomfortable, the pushing out in unattractive places, the emotional mess I become at the time of delivery. I mean tell me how great it was when sweet little Seneca showed up and I instantly had this perfect little baby to hold all day long and yet my body didn’t change one little bit?! That was not to be the plan this time.

I have hesitated in sharing this and I’m not sure why. I am thrilled and excited and grateful and in awe that Heavenly Father can create something so perfect that needs to be out of something that simply shouldn’t allow it to be so. Maybe I liked that it was just my little secret for a while. Maybe keeping it quiet kept it real. I’ll be honest and say that I have had moments where my eyes fill with tears thinking of a few select of you who want this so badly and while I know your miracle will come, the fact that you’re waiting patiently and prayerfully makes my heart break. Because I’ve been there, I promise I have.

My mom said, “people won’t get it.” Denten agreed and I think they are referring to people who just hear we’re having a baby and are happy for us. They won’t get that this wasn’t supposed to happen- except that it clearly was. So here’s a bit of history, for you, or more so for this little bean who will someday want to understand why we think he or she is another complete miracle delivered to our family.

Coop was an IVF baby. Stage IV endometriosis deemed getting pregnant on our own impossible, so we worked with RMA in NY and got Coop here. In reality it was a lot more complicated than that, but the important part is that we figured out the issue, found a solution and thought we were in the clear. Three more cycles of in vitro followed after Cooper- one in Phoenix, one in Utah and one in NY- all unsuccessful. The last one was a complete mystery. It was textbook perfect and no one, the docs and lab included, had any inkling as to what might have gone wrong. After the fact, it became clear to me that I would not be completely open to the idea of adoption until we had tried all other alternatives. I don’t know why I needed to go through it all first, but after the last attempt, I was open and ready. It wasn’t a month later that the process was started and five months later that we had our daughter in our home. If IVF would have been successful, we wouldn’t have pursued adoption and we wouldn’t have Seneca- and Heaven knew we needed Seneca. It was all part of the plan.

We got Senny home and two weeks later learned I was pregnant. By our own devices- after multiple failed attempts with fancy drugs, needles and lab work Heavenly Father said, now that you have Seneca, I’m happy to answer those prayers you’ve been sending up here.. here’s another one! And Beckham was born eight months later. Five months following that, I was pregnant again. I know, what are the chances. And yes, Denten was dying. Three kids in under a year?! Uh, no. Turns out it was too good to be true. The endometriosis had interfered and the pregnancy only got as far as my fallopian tube. In order to remove the pregnancy, my tube was lost as well. We left that experience with the knowledge that my endo was worse and that I had one tube. Chances of conceiving? I asked the dr. Not happening, she said.

And yet here we are. Not sure why we needed four years to get here yet, but I’m sure that mystery will be answered in time as all of them have. I have learned, over and over, that He has a plan for our family. Just when I think I have it figured out, He gently reminds me that He’s in charge and keeps me guessing. I knew I needed to be patient and it would all unfold as it should, but in the moment being patient is sooooo hard.

So, yes, this was unexpected. Except that I expected something. Not this, necessarily, but I believe that this little spirit needed to get here, to our family, and despite my imperfect and flawed body, He helped get this little one on their way. Divine intervention? There is no doubt. So I’m taking good care of this little bean. That means I take naps and eat often and walk around here overwhelmed with gratitude. My kids are learning patience because who should have to wait until summer to meet this new baby they are so excited is coming?! But summer it is, so settle in, and be prepared for new reading material, because I’ve been holding back.

2012-01-16T18:34:00.001-08:00

today we went to the park. the littles went to tumbling while Coop and I returned library books and took care of business at the gym. we had lunch with dad at home and then everyone played baseball in the backyard for an hour and a half. the kids went to a birthday party this afternoon while dad worked on the pool. we had a throw-together dinner, read stories and scriptures and tucked everyone in.

I love these crazies.

moments

2012-01-15T16:14:00.001-08:00

Last night just before 11 p.m. (which is past my typical bedtime) I went to check on my kids before heading to bed. I walked into each room, which had been thoroughly cleaned earlier in the day… picked up, vacuumed, dusted, closets organized and sheets changed… and kissed sweet little cheeks that had been freshly showered before they were tucked into bed. I smelled clean sheets and clean hair and looked at peaceful faces and was so grateful that I had healthy, happy, sleeping children. Then I walked down the hall and climbed into my own clean sheets with their super hot (see below) dad and again felt so grateful that it was under these circumstances that I was going to bed.

This morning I was getting ready in my bathroom while Seneca, who is my early riser, pretended to put on make-up and tried on every pair of dress shoes in my closet. She wanted pink cheeks and practiced with eye shadow. She chose several possible ensembles for me to wear to church complete with green peep-toe shoes. She is quite adept at walking in high heels. Then she climbed onto the counter so I could curl her hair for church and sat still while we chatted. After we were both beautiful, we headed to the kitchen for breakfast and to see if any boys were awake yet. Those are the moments that will be gone all too soon, I’m sure. The ones where, in her eyes, I am amazing and beautiful when in fact I look at her and see those very same qualities that will only continue to magnify.

in sacrament meeting I had two little heads vying for my lap and while “we don’t lay down at church,” I don’t mind tickling those little soft cheeks and squeezing little bodies that someday won't let me do it for a whole hour at a time. I kept sending math problems down the row to Cooper who kept knocking them out of the park. Don’t judge… we do music and math during sacrament meeting- keeps him reverent and engaged. Eventually the two littles drifted back to the Norberg’s pew and I slid over next to my husband who held my hand until it was time for primary.

There are a lot of things that could stress me out right now but they are not the things I want to remember. I want to remember Coop pelting me with pillows after my nap today and Beckham wanting to do airplane, “one more time.” I want to remember this feeling of safety and security and contentment that fills my home and the laughter that fills these faces that I love so stinkin’ much. And the fact that I get to kiss them all the time, ‘cause that might be the best part.

And, the mister is making fry bread to go with dinner. Ya-Um.

2012-01-14T16:28:00.001-08:00

2012 is a year of transitions for our family. The first one came straightaway on January 1 when this handsome guy transitioned from associate to partner at the Rothstein Law Firm. While the title is official and the work hasn’t changed much, the compensation plan is in the transition phase and will hopefully be complete in a few months. D has worked unbelievable hours considering we do not live in New York and he has built great relationships with his clients. The firm has been very gracious and complimentary and were eager to have him make this change. I am grateful that he does something he is passionate about and that he finds satisfaction in. I am grateful he is willing to work hard both to improve the lives of his clients and for his family. Congrats, Babe. I’m proud of you!

1/3? I'll take it.

2012-01-12T16:01:00.000-08:00

this morning I took a nap on the couch while Beckham laid by me and watched a show. I was happy. He was happy. He liked me. I had a little guilt but I think it went away as I fell asleep.

this afternoon I had Coop finish the last homework assignment for the week. He's been putting it off all week and you would have thought I was the meanest mom on the planet. He had to write about what he has learned about the Civil Rights Movement. He can tell me about it every day, but when it comes to writing, oh boy, look out. The tears, the whining, the pleading, it was downright pathetic. It took way longer than it needed to, but it got done. He didn't like me very much.

Seneca asked for juice today and I said, "not right now." I do not feel guilty about that. It was the right answer. She had a meltdown of epic proportions. She visited her room where there was wailing and gnashing of teeth and flailing limbs. The yard guys outside probably thought that room held a torture chamber. Once this girl accelerates, the coming down process is long and slow and requires patience I usually have to dig deep for. She didn't like me very much.

All was forgiven once said incidents passed. And they liked me again by dinner. We had meatballs and they were a hit with everyone. I kept thinking they weren't going to leave enough for dad.

So riddle me this... I had two kids crying under my actions today and yet the only time I felt guilt was with the one kid who liked me all day. hm. go figure.

what was the best part of your day?

2012-01-11T16:59:00.000-08:00

At dinner I usually ask everyone what the best part of school was today. tonight Cooper first said computer lab. It was a treat that they got to go to computers today because it was a short day and usually that is eliminated on short days. Then he said math. He is loving math right now and it is fun to him find success and satisfaction. Seneca had a snow day at school today. There was a igloo in her classroom with pretend icicles. There was a walrus, a snowy dolphin, an arctic hare, a whale that had white and black spots and a lot of bears. The walrus is camouflage when it is white. The owl can see the arctic hare very well and scoops it up. This was said with dramatic hand actions. Beckham had fun making his snowman at school this week. They are learning about sequence in stories and such and had to use their knowledge to put together a snowman in sequential order. He is not satisfied about where the nose on his snowman is placed but still enjoyed the activity.

I have decided that all mothers should come with either a maid or a personal assistant. I would have been happy with either one today. After we got our homework and music done today we all started at one end of the house together and walked through each room picking things up and returning them to where they belong. It was quick and everyone participated. Floors still need to be done, but I can handle that now that everything is picked up. I wouldn't have minded an assistant today to handle phone calls, bills, submissions, shipping errands and necessary but not fun emails. I don't mind those tasks when there isn't anything else to do, but when is that ever the case? Anyway, they are done.

Both kids got new puppet shows in music this week. They got their puppets ready today and have been practicing.. I am being summoned. Over and out.

2012-01-10T17:53:00.000-08:00

we survived this marathon day quite well. almost. we moved from one thing to another all day and thankfully had helpful people cross our paths at every turn. heaven bless people who watch kids and are willing to carpool. we have fun new things to look forward to in music this semester with both cooper and seneca. senny is more focused on her reading it is fun to see her excited about it. beckham is especially focused on his upcoming birthday and wonders every day why it's not here yet. at one point today I had six kids, two bikes, two scooters and four light sabers in my car. I am grateful Heavenly Father gave me the energy and attitude to deal with that situation in a positive way. bookclub tonight- it was a good book and these are good friends. please bless Dent gets home in time. do you think I need to put on real pants again? grateful for days that go smoothly- I suppose it helps to visit with Heaven before it all begins, whadda you know... He listens and delivers!

2012-01-09T16:52:00.001-08:00

yesterday was rough. like, rough. like sent my family to church without me, got there and couldn't wait for sacrament meeting to be over so I could stop crying. ugh. I felt empty and the day wasn't half over. luckily it got better. made it through primary (did you pray for me? someone did, I felt it). laid on my bed attempting sleep but it never happened. pork tenderloin recipe was a good one, but it was still pink in the middle. ick. FHE saved the day- Coop taught the lesson, Seneca sang to us and Bex and Dad chose candyland.

something Coop ate didn't sit well with him and therefore I sat with him for 2 hours last night while his system got rid of whatever it was. poor kid. so grateful he knows how to listen to his body and makes it to the toilet every time. also so grateful it was over quickly and he is back to himself today. he went to school late, but went nonetheless. I also noticed last night (early this morning?) that I was grateful for our oils which made the experience shorter than it would have been and not quite as painful. also felt grateful for my bathrobe. it's soft and fluffy and goes on quickly as I'm racing down the hall at 1:30 a.m.

today was better. I remembered to take my wallet to the grocery store (yes, brilliant, I know). Beckham went to tumbling without fighting it. it helped there was a doughnut on the line. I had a great conference with Coop's teacher. funny story there to come. paninis for dinner- pull whatever you want out of the fridge and I'll put it on a sandwich for you! luckily there were great options. my dad came up with a brilliant idea to solve a problem I've been trying to work out for a while.

tomorrow is crazy, one thing after another all day.. let's hope we all sleep tonight!

ramblings

2012-01-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

I had a nap today. and I have a fairly clean house. I don't have a husband yet, but he'll show up sometime, he always does. I finished my book while my kids played at the park, this weather is awesome. We stopped at the store to get five things, scanned them and then realized my wallet was at home on the desk. bummer.

D stopped at the sophx house today to meet a few people to clean it up. The pool pump is broken, that is wonderful. If you'd like to know the honest truth, I wouldn't mind if someone took a match to that house, but I suppose I shouldn't wish such things. As I try to find things to be grateful for in that particular situation, it always comes down to the fact that I'm grateful it isn't worse, because it could be. Hard to believe sometimes, but it could be.

I am reading the BFG with Coop at bedtime, it is fun to hear him laugh at the Giant's funny phrases, I have to remind him to be quiet so we don't have other little bodies awake.

I think I have been fighting my calling since I got it and while I tell myself to embrace it, that idea has not been internalized yet. I need to spend a little more time and energy in that arena, but there is resistance. Being honest, remember?

Laundry is done. I need the laundry fairy to come fold it. I don't have it in me tonight.

You know what I could use tonight? Fish tacos. Oh, they sound so good. I need to quit thinking about it. soft corn tortillas, thick, fried white fish, a little yummy white sauce and shredded cabbage or slaw-- ahhh, why isn't there a fish taco delivery station around the corner?!

2012-01-06T18:37:00.001-08:00

I am tired. My-eyes-sting tired. My-back-hurts tired. Floors were vacuumed, kids clothes were organized and the too-smalls put away. Dutch is sparkling in and out and Trader Joe's was hit at a maddening hour. If you looked at my house now, you wouldn't know it looked fantastic earlier today. It looks like three monkeys had a ball together and then their mama was too tired to supervise clean-up and just wanted them in bed. Good thing Saturday is a special day, the day we do it all again! And dad is working tomorrow... major bummer. But I'm happy. I'm healthy, as is the rest of my house. I have enough money to pay the bills that are due immediately. I have food in my house and a great bed to climb into tonight. And I won't be lonely tomorrow- not everyone can say that. I'll count it as a blessing.

the good kind.

2012-01-04T16:10:00.001-08:00

Today has been one of those days. Not those days, the good kind. The kind where laundry actually gets folded and put away, the kind where the not-fun-but-essential phone calls get taken care of. After school learning time consisted of the little ones doing matching and pattern games while Coop worked on a puzzle of the United States. I put pasta sauce together then we all went out to enjoy 80 degrees in January. We took a long walk (me) and bike ride (them) and enjoyed short sleeves and gorgeous weather. When we got home I laid on the couch for an hour intending to pick up my book but my eyes just closed. I listened to matchbox cars racing around makeshift tracks and little imaginations lost in their own world. I was approached occasionally to fix the star wars ship or get sleeping beauty’s thumb through her sleeve, but mostly I just laid there and listened, drifting in and out of consciousness. and smelling yummy sauce brewing. There may have been the occasional whiney voice, but it didn’t last and the little brother made a good decision to not step on the big brother’s puzzle again. But mostly it was wonderful and I was grateful. Grateful that I have these kids and that I like them. Grateful they like each other and can play together without the tv or the wii or any electronic distractions. Dinner will be delicious, my nose tells me so, then we’ll read new books and head to bed and I just may find my book until D walks in around 8:30. There are things I could ask for, but if I’m being real, I’ve got it pretty good.

Have I told you yet that this is going to be an amazing year? it is. I promise.

Christmas break 2011

2012-01-03T18:43:00.001-08:00

We ventured up to the cold country to ski. Well, that was the excuse, anyway. Mostly I went to lounge, which I accomplished famously, much better than anyone accomplished skiing. Brundage didn’t even open until Friday and considering it rained from the moment we arrived until we drove away, we’ll call that day a wash. Except the kids skiied, and liked it, so not a complete wash. Saturday was better, the sun even made an appearance. Of course I was avoiding letting my children see me when they were in lessons and then when I was with them I had more than my hands full getting us all down the hill in one piece, so forgive the lack of ski photos. Instead enjoy these… while waiting for the snow to fall we went sledding, and tubing, and ice skating, and Wade and Dent even braved the hot springs with all the kids. We watched movies and played games and read and laughed ourselves silly. We ate delicious food (I could use some quiche right about now. and a cinnamon roll. and some shrimp. and a few scones…) and enjoyed long walks with dad. I basically surrendered my children over to the McCall house and only parented when it was absolutely necessary. I took one pair of real pants and wore them once. It was lounging at it’s finest. On New Year’s Eve the kids went outside at 8:00 and yelled “Happy New Year!!” to the world then were tucked right into bed. Dad did the same, minus the yelling. Katelyn made it until 11:45. My family is fantastic and hilarious and a little bit crazy. Never once in 12 days did I wish to be anywhere else.

It was delightful, as usual.

2012-01-03T13:18:00.001-08:00

look at these faces.. they are perfectly miserable, can’t you tell?

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T07:25:00.001-08:00

I love

2011-12-20T18:47:00.001-08:00

I love that school is out. LOVE. probably more than they do.

I love listening to Beckham break out into Christmas carols at the most random moments. "rum-pum-pum-pum" is my current favorite.

I love that Seneca is saving the penguins from the avalanche in the family room.

I love that all of my errands are done and I don't have to leave the house until we go to the airport if I don't want to. and right now I don't want to.

I love the obstacle courses that Coop creates that occupy all of them for entire afternoons.

I love that this house does not need to be moving at 6 a.m. tomorrow. See the first item.

I love prison break. I don't know if I love that it creeps into my dreams on a regular basis, but I love my nightly fix.

I love Denten. I will love when he walks in the door.

my life is good.

2011-12-17T15:03:00.001-08:00

Seneca and Beckham are in the backyard. They were swinging on their tummies and singing. Now they are walking around the yard on the curbing, ducking under and around various actual and invisible obstacles. They keep cheering for each other at random intervals. I don't know the details of the game they have concocted, but I'm so so grateful they have each other.

Cooper and Denten picked pecans off the tree, cleaned the ashes out of the fireplace and have moved on to clean up at the Bloch Road house this afternoon. I'm glad Cooper is working. And I'm glad he's with his dad. I'm also glad his dad is willing to do so many things so I don't have to.

After we got the family room and bedrooms picked up this morning, friends came over to practice our song for tomorrow. I'm banking on the fact that if there are cute kids on the stand singing a sweet song that it will go over well, regardless of whether they all actually know their words, yes?

Then I escaped to the mall all. by. myself. I have my shopping done, which Denten kindly reminded me of this morning when I was on my way out the door, but I was shopping for me. I know, forbidden this time of year, but it happened and I don't think I regret it.

The plan is to go see temple lights tonight, if not for tradition's sake then for the joy of Seneca running from tree to tree exclaiming how beautiful they are are. Rain is supposed to roll back in, we'll pray it holds off until we're home.

Senny and Bex have moved on to the playhouse, fighting off imaginary villains and swinging like trapeze artists. Heavenly Father totally knew what he was doing sending those two down here for each other.

december 14

2011-12-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

gingerbread house is done, and looks fantastic. thank you trader joe's. beckham has consumed enough candy to last until next year. he stood up and it came out the bottom of his jammie pants. seneca is meticulous and coop has very unique ideas that test my creativity to make happen.

christmas is done. well, my preparations for christmas are done. almost. I haven't wrapped a single thing for my family but seeing as we are away for the big day this year, and I can not fly with wrapped gifts, that is waiting for now. let the packing extravaganza begin!

I may or may not have gotten out of my loungies all day. loungies are a step up from jammies, but not quite real clothes. but today they were real enough to get me through the grocery store and multiple kid pick-ups and drop-offs. some women can pull off looking great in loungies. I'm not really one of them, but I pretend sometimes.

I think the last wave of christmas cards are going out tomorrow. if you didn't get one and you want to see my pretty face, you'd better let me know.

I'm grateful my children have figured out how to make chess a three-person game. it eliminates a lot of the someone-left-out situation.

it rained for two days straight. really. today we saw the sun. I liked the rain, but I don't like the leaky roof. for some reason we completely forget about it until it's soggy again. gotta get that taken care of pronto. I bet you northwest people who live with rain all the time have super cute rainboots.

and that's all my rambling brain has for you tonight. I'm off to brush 4 sets of teeth. thankfully, Denten can do his own.

quick escape

2011-12-12T16:48:00.001-08:00

D’s firm Christmas party was Saturday in Santa Fe. We sweet-talked Lindsay into coming down for the weekend and snuck out of town. It was quick and low-key. We spent some time upgrading our phone situation, which has potential to be great once I get through my transitional period! We found a few new places to eat, including a beyond-fabulous french bakery that serves breakfast and was well-worth the wait. It is on the top of the list to hit next time! We enjoyed a cozy room at the Bishop’s Lodge again that just asks you to stay in bed by the fireplace for a long time. Sleeping in and being lazy with our books was so so nice. We wandered through the square and hit our favorite market vendors, galleries and shops. I nearly froze, but it was nice, I suppose, to remember what winter really feels like. It was amazing to have time over every meal and in between to talk to Denten. Actually talk, without any interruptions. It was reconnection time that was sorely needed and greatly appreciated. Thank you Rothstein for the getaway, and thank you Lindsay for assuring my children enjoyed the weekend every bit as much as I did.

more stuff to love.

2011-12-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

uggs

seat heaters

scarves

hooded sweatshirts

I have been using all of the above non-stop today and I’m still cold. How did I ever live in the cold country?? I can not believe my children want to play outside, but more power to them, as long as they Shut the Door!!

Emily. and Elsie. What on earth would we do without them?? Bex went to play with Elsie today after school and while I should have been catching up on laundry, mopping the floor or addressing Christmas cards (all of which need to be done before Lindsay shows up), I instead admit to crawling on my bed, grabbing a blanket and going right to sleep. Bless Emily, it got me through the rest of the day.

Jack. This little stinker of an elf is actually doing a great job. He played Connect Four with Dora last night. He’s also been leaving a little surprise in our advent box each night but last night instead of a toy or treat, he left a little note saying that everybody needed to talk nice. Oh man, an elf warning. Serious business. Two of the three get it. The little one believes that Santa is bringing him whatever the heck he wants regardless of his behavior. Hmmm.

Fast airplanes. and husband texts that make me laugh when I’m missing him most. Glad he’s on his way home.

Tortellini. It’s just good. and the simple act of it sitting in my fridge prompted me to put together a yummy sauce. (Babe, come home!)

The giggles. You know, the kind where they just can’t stop? The kind that could be annoying until you change your mind and decide you’d rather have them happy than any other way? Seneca starts it and it’s so stinkin’ infectious that the others can’t help but laugh their little heads off.

cookie dough. chocolate molten cakes from F&E. treats in general. don’t worry, I’m being selective. kind of.

today

2011-12-05T17:51:00.001-08:00

Today I stuffed Christmas cards while my little ones tumbled. Beckham’s cartwheel is now recognizable and Seneca has mastered the backbend.

Today I made pancakes and smoothies for dinner while Cooper taught Seneca how to castle while playing chess on the computer. It was amusing to listen to. Beckham was racing laps around the house looking for a high-five every time he made a pass through the kitchen.

Today I watched my husband make a fire while the littles played chutes and ladders in front of the fireplace.

Today I conducted a lot of business on my phone and was grateful it’s location came to me in the night.

Today I bought dark chocolate covered peppermint jo-jos and now Christmas can come.

Today D leaves for Boise. He won’t be gone long, but It’s a bummer he has to go at all. He just got home from spending the day in Flagstaff. I think he’d just like to be home, but we’re both grateful he has work to do.

Today I have colored Christmas lights hanging around my back porch. It’s festive out my window while I type. and do dishes. I’ve never been a fan of colored lights- I’m a traditional, white kind of girl, but the kids really wanted colored lights. They got their wish in the backyard. They are kinda fun back there.

today I love:

2011-12-03T18:35:00.001-08:00

- my perfect Christmas tree. real, full, lighted by my husband and decorated by my children.

- seeing my kids on Santa’s lap this morning.

- a Saturday running errands together.

- my amazing husband.

- chances to reevaluate where we’re headed together.

- Christmas miracles. I’m here to tell you they exist. Do you want one? Have you asked?

- answered prayers.

- the magic that fills my house in December.

- the fire in the fireplace.

- my healthy body.

- my happy children.

happenings.

2011-12-01T09:55:00.001-08:00

Seneca calls her brothers, “her boys.” Like this morning when she woke up and asked, “did my boys already eat breakfast?”

Beckham keeps changing his mind about what he wants for Christmas. It is fair to say at this point that he will probably be surprised.

Senny and Cooper don’t have any particular desires. It’s all about the magic, which is awesome.

Jack, our little elf, is keeping a close eye on things around here… Cooper goes looking for him first thing in the morning and thank goodness he remembered to put something in the advent box last night because Coop sure didn’t forget it was Dec. 1!

The combination of Netflix and Prison Break is proving to be a mixed blessing. It’s such a great show, and watching it on demand without commercials is fantastic, but it’s too easy to say, “just one more” and have bedtime be pushed back into delirium. It reminds me of 24 days when it would end and you just couldn’t let it go without finding out what happened next! It’s not as fast-paced as 24, but more deliberate and keeps me fully engaged.

We are having a Christmas tree quandary. We need a big one. Like, big. and we want it to be real, but those are expensive! However, so are artificial big ones… I’m not ready to bite that bullet yet. Something needs to happen quick… Beckham keeps laying out the tree skirt and putting presents on it… we really need to get a tree!

We have six stockings. We hung five and put one back in the box. Today I heard Beckham tell Elsie that it is for our baby that isn’t here yet. He said it so matter-of-factly. Won’t it be fun to hang up six?! Maybe next year.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-27T19:35:00.001-08:00

The Turkey Trot

grandma and grandpa, landon, jace and coop

drew and winston

The Feast

Chey making cute favors for our table. Del and Grandma watching the action from the fire. Seems I’m not the only one who is perpetually cold, even in Arizona!

grandma with senny

The bird. What? It looks upside down to you? You’re crazy. That’s how you get the most tender breast meat!

The Photo Shoot

One cute boy and his Great-Grandma

this is going well, yes?

that’s better. Senny bug loves Cheyanne.

One of these things is not like the others… (hint: it’s the white girl)

don’t mind that I had just gotten back from a run and the rest are still in their jammies!

Love, love this crew.

I wondered how it would be with this many plus more staying at my house all weekend, but I was sad to see it come to an end. We had a blast. Every room/ space was bustling… movies, Settlers, chess, ping-pong, basketball, reading, napping, cooking, internet browsing… pick your activity and join the crew! My kids were swallowed up by their cousins and went hard all day, every day. One morning Bex was up early and I was trying to find an empty room for him to play for a while. The only one without someone sleeping was the laundry room! There were four people sleeping in my room alone, three in Coop’s.. it was a slumber party every night. The food was great, the company was better and I loved it so much. I hate when times like this end, things get way too quiet. Good thing December is here to keep us busy!

Arizona Ironman 2011: a peek inside my head.

2011-11-22T08:14:00.001-08:00

This post is accompanied by very sub-par photos, which is unfortunate considering it is documenting an amazing event but I am only capable of so much. When we have taken on the Ironman before, we have had, at a minimum, one aunt and two grandmas in tow. This time, you’re looking at it. Me and my mini support crew, taking on the duty of getting Dad through this day.

It started at 4:15 when D’s alarm went off, just 15 minutes after I had put Beckham back to bed for the second time assuring him that when it was time for dad’s race, I would be sure to let him know. We climbed out of bed and put on layers quickly, trying not to think about how chilly it was outside and me quietly grateful that it was not my body that had to jump in the water. After last minute food preparations for both the athlete and the team, I transferred the littles from their beds to their car seats and we were off. Despite my efforts to get another hour of sleep out of them, they were ready to roll, assuring dad that he would indeed win the race today (Beckham) and noticing that we were the only car on all of the roads and it was still night-time (Seneca).

We dropped D off with an abundance of well-wishes and went to grab some breakfast before parking it in D’s office to eat and get dressed. Once we were ready, we made our way down to the bridge, which would have been a brilliant idea had we been there an hour earlier. The kids were troopers as we were stacked 4 people deep, hearing all the excitement but not being able to see much. My efforts of the day started there, with a backpack on my back, a child being held in front and a camera floating around trying to save these moments for future’s sake. More than 2500 bodies were bunched in the water as we listened to the National Anthem and then the starting gun. The water was so crazy… flailing limbs and green and pink swim caps stirring up the calm water, whacking each other in the face as each strived for open space and an opportunity to get into a rhythm that would take them through the next 2.4 miles.

Cooper and Beckham at the swim start

swim start. madness.

We then did as the pioneer children did and we walked, and walked, and walked, and walked. This race was set up differently from what I remember and it was difficult to get to the places I wanted to be. There were more barricades, blockages and hopped-up-on-authority guards that made for lots of walking for the little legs I was with. Again, we were smashed in with other anxious folks at the swim exit trying to catch a glimpse of our guy as he completed his swim. Despite my best efforts, I missed him. Can you feel it? The stress of not knowing? Is he out? on the bike already? if so, how long has he been riding? how will I know when he’ll be around for his second loop. this day is all about timing and doing math in your head constantly. If he’s not out, what’s wrong? cramping? Oh, please, let him be out. After his goal time came and went and then kept going, I finally asked Katelyn, via text (which saved my life all day) if she could look it up and see if he was out. She replied that he had a great swim! Oh, thank heavens. After figuring out where he should be now, we ventured back to the office for a bit.

his office had left a message for him. from the inside, then outside as seen from the run course by the water.

Note: having D’s office at the site of the race is major. I stashed food there and we went back in between sightings to eat and use actual toilets. These breaks proved huge for the kids as well as for me as I didn’t have to carry everything with us all day. Bonus that his windows overlook the water and the run course. After a quick break, we went out to catch him on the bike. Rio Salado was packed, the energy was so great. I’ll be honest and say that the first time I saw his new red aero helmet, I might have thought it was a little tacky. Don’t tell him I said that. However, yesterday I was so grateful he was not wearing a white helmet. They are flying by so fast that it’s a game of super-concentration to notice if the blur coming at you is your athlete or not. I appreciated the red helmet and am proud to say that I didn’t miss him once on the bike. Go me.

I didn’t say I got great pictures. I just said I didn’t miss him! Some day I might get a pic of the front of him!

Second loop, Bonny and her kids came to watch with us. It was so nice of her to bring the kids- my kids love hers and they played on the grass so content while we kept our vigil. It was such a nice distraction for them. It was about noon after he passed and headed out for his third and final loop on the bike. We headed inside for pizza and a little ipod movie action and then it was onto the run.

waiting to see dad. starting the marathon.

We camped right at the run start and gave him a loud send-off then moved to the last camping spot of the day, right on the sidewalk about halfway between each run loop. Ruby, Cole and Bonny showed up again and again I was so grateful they were there. I kept doing my math thinking that if the first half of the first loop is 3.5 miles then we should see him by 2:30. The second half of the loop is longer and would probably take about an hour. I had to make adjustments as he got tired and slowed a little but seeing him down the path always made me so happy inside. He was amazing.

my children live for high-fives on a race course. this is the sole reason the run is the best part for them.

After he passed us going out for the last time, we regrouped one more time and headed to find a spot at the finish line. I remember praying distinctly that we would find a great spot where the kids could see their dad finish and not be smashed behind people. After smushing through several crowds, we claimed a spot on the bleachers and due to my vigilant watch, pushed our way to the front as others left. front row, yipee! It was nearing 7:00, these kids had been going since 5 and only then did I hear Beckham say, “mom, I’m sooo tired.” Me too, buddy. And so is daddy, so let’s cheer him in and we can all take a rest. Ok. These kids were troopers. As the 12-hour mark approached I was a bundle of nerves. Come on, Babe, round that corner. Dig deep. Give it everything you have left. Come on.. just get here! I get so nervous for him! Finally it was him and we went crazy, as did all those around us. He did it! As we were climbing out of the bleachers and hustling to find him, Cooper said, “mom, I said a prayer. I kept saying, ‘let the next one be him.’ And then it was!”

Due to the not-so-functional-in-my-opinion set up of the finish area, we couldn’t find D. We looked and looked and the little legs that had been so great all day were ready to be done. I thought if they laid down for a minute I could keep an eye out for him. Just a little issue when they both fell asleep and I still couldn’t find him! Think, Amberly, think. You are only one person. You can not carry two children around this whole park searching and then attempt to be any help to him retrieving his gear. Dang it, Lindsay… where were you?! So, we trekked back to the office, one in my arms and the other sleep-walking and I laid them on the floor with a movie and strict instructions to not go anywhere! Cooper was a little uneasy about this plan, but it all worked out. The security guy at the building probably thought I was crazy, but he simply didn’t understand that even though I am amazing, I really couldn’t do it all. So I went back and searched. and searched. and finally found him. we gathered his stuff and went back to get the kids and head for home.

wiped out.

And in case you were wondering how the actual race went…. he nailed his swim goal time, man, I was proud. And he killed the bike. like killed it. He said he could have done better without the wind and I decided he’ll never be fully satisfied. He claims he crashed a little on the run and simply didn’t have anything left. Frankly, I’m amazed he even ran the whole thing. I hereby declare that it is not fair to be hard on yourself when completing an Ironman. Especially when you’re doing nearly an hour faster than last time on this course. Finishing just after 12 hours, he’s a rock star. My very own rock star.

And in case you’re wondering the best way to drop 10 pounds in 12 hours… have I got a plan for you!

And lastly, a major shout-out to those who made me feel that I was not alone in my efforts. I had family and friends calling and texting me all day long checking in on Dent and his progress and several more who were tracking him online. It was so nice to know that others were thinking of him and following how he was doing. Some of my favorites:

“he’s tearing it up…” –ryan stokes, during the bike

“has dent finished his 2nd loop? if so he is haulin.” -wade during bike

“D is throwing the hammer down on the bike!” -katelyn

“I’m sending vibes for light legs and no cramps!” -katelyn, during the run

“we don’t care about time just as long as feels good about his race. he is doing great!” - D’s mom during run

“he is doing awesome! it’s killing me not being there. I belong at these things!” -lindsay, during run

“he’s done 8 1/2 miles a million times. he just needs to hang in there, he’ll be great.” -katelyn, with 8.5 left in the run

“saw him! he looked strong! my family all gathered around the computer, FUN!” -kate rosier, watching the live feed online

I will be courteous and not enlarge this photo, but just in case you showed up for people-watching alone, you would have not been disappointed! taken from d’s office.

Another one in the books.

We’ve got ourselves a three-time Ironman.

one more day.

2011-11-17T17:49:00.001-08:00

I left home this morning at 7:15 and did not return home for more than 10 minutes until after 3:00 this afternoon.

I spent a lovely while with Beckham while he got his ultra sound. He had an x-ray last week and I'll tell you, he's the most fun to be with in a dr.'s office. A picture of bones? A camera on his tummy? It's all very exciting. He's pleasant as can be and I love spending time with him. To answer the questions that I know will come: His left femur is slightly smaller (shorter and thinner) than his right which causes some discrepancy in his legs. Nothing to worry about, ultrasound was just to be safe and be sure kidneys weren't being affected. The kid is active and healthy and we'll just keep an eye on it, ok?

Then I watched Seneca in her preschool program about the ocean. Hilarious. I learned all about sea anemones, how sharks have multiple sets of teeth and are bigger than buses. I heard the names of all the continents and oceans and the details of vertebrates, invertebrates, single and bivalve sea creatures. I learned how the wind and the moon create the waves... She spouts off the most random stuff and I love it.

Then I went to meet my new best friend at the mattress store. I will report on this later. Off then to get Cooper, stop and take care of some fun doTerra business, drop Coop off with a friend and then... Home. For 2 whole hours before we went again.

I am deciding to be fine with the fact that the Homestead will be much like an Inn next week, with more people getting word to me daily that they'll be joining us. I ran out of bed space long ago, so bring your sleeping bags and pillows and we'll be great! Now, to find a massive turkey... I need to get on that. But first, family pictures... that's tomorrow's fun. I keep thinking that if I just take things a day at a time one of these days will not be jam-packed. Chances that day will come before January?? I'm grateful to have a busy, full life with awesome family to share it with.

gratitude and generosity

2011-11-16T18:49:00.000-08:00

Today I love the idea that whatever I am giving my attention to will multiply. A good reminder for me to not dwell on the worries and attract good into my life. I am attracting a great thanksgiving weekend complete with meaningful experiences with the family that will be here. I am attracting a great race for Denten this weekend, one that he feels proud of and is satisfying to him. I am attracting productivity because my brain can not possibly hold all it needs to right now, so we need to get things done and make room for more! My to-do list is multiple pages... I am attracting angels to take care of some of it for me!

I also love the idea of both recording my gratitude each day as well as consciously being generous each day. Giving in some way each day keeps me in a good frame of mind. When I go through my day looking for opportunities to give, it is a lot easier to keep my focus where it should be. Some days are better than others, but we're working on it.

some bad. and some good.

2011-11-15T18:28:00.000-08:00

Denten got crappy news about a client at work. And then he heard the Supai helicopter pilot crashed. He is a good friend and Denten was in his chopper yesterday. It was not a great day for him.

I had a frazzled morning and upon switching carpool duties, a child I was responsible for was left at preschool. That is never good. I remedied that situation the best I could and then found out that a dear friend lost her mother this week to cancer. Even knowing it was coming, that's not an easy thing to hear.

Beckham and Seneca were both giving all they had on the soccer field tonight and when their heads collided, Seneca came away with a fantastic goose egg just under her eye. Black eyes are cool. That's what we told her. Even when they are from your brother. When they are unintentional.

I laid on mattresses in the road today. I'm sure my neighbors appreciated that. The results are that I have two whole beds in my room. I might have three by the night's end. My dream come true! Lots of mattresses to try, pick what I love and have the rest disappear. Please bless we love one.

I'm off to be fingerprinted now. Hope I pass my background check! Don't tell them I forgot a kid at preschool today. Ugh. that was horrible.

good things on monday.

2011-11-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

there is chess club after school on mondays which means there is adequate time between tumbling and going to get cooper to fit in a decent nap. I love mondays for that reason alone.

does "sit-ups" sound like "hiccups?" beckham started doing crunches on the couch today and in a strained voice said, "I'm doing my hiccups."

I made honey-lime enchiladas for dinner. Dent may not pull in until midnight, but there will be dinner here for him, gosh darn it! (and leftover cookie dough)

one more step until adoption certification is finalized (again). It's time to start praying that our baby's mama gets the inspiration we're the ones!

essential oil consultations, thanksgiving planning and family picture scheduling had me on the phone a lot this afternoon. thank goodness for patient kids that can help each other through music homework and jobs when I'm occupied.

shoot.

2011-11-13T14:59:00.001-08:00

gosh darn it. I sounded a bit ungrateful there, didn’t I? Well, let’s start here: I am grateful for repentance.

Regarding post below: I am grateful that Denten has a job. It may require him to travel an inopportune times, but he enjoys his work and provides for our family. I am grateful that I have a bed. I do actually realized that this is a major blessing that all do not enjoy. I may be picky and complain, but after I pull out of my own selfish context, I’m grateful. I’m grateful I have a family room floor that can be replaced. I’m grateful that I have an abundance of family coming to share the holiday with us. I’m grateful my kids enjoy the energy of a race and are eager to cheer on their dad. I’m grateful that I have enough food in my house to make several dinners, and that I am capable of doing so. I am well aware that my lack of dinner-making is due to my own lack of desire, not lack of actual food. Lastly, I am grateful that I have milk to eat with my cookie dough. I’m not kidding here. What’s dough or a warm gooey cookie without cold milk?

Ok, I feel better know.

brace yourself. my head is exploding in this post.

2011-11-13T14:18:00.001-08:00

1. primary program is done. I think I was dreading it out of my own insecurities, knowing that the kids didn’t know their songs as well as they should have, but as I was sitting in sacrament meeting in between songs, I kept thinking how fast it was going and that I wasn’t ready for it to be over. The kids did so great, especially the all boys song and the small girls group. Seneca and Cooper delivered their parts/talks great, better than we had practiced. I wish Dent could have been there. Heaven bless the Norbergs for stealing Beckham.

2. I have enjoyed experiences recently helping people with essential oils. I love learning new ways to use them and sharing what I know. I love hearing back from people about how well they are working for them. I love seeing them feel better and not have old issues continue to stand in their way.

3. we have 1.5 weeks until the Robinson and some of the Bitsilly clan descend on the Homestead for Thanksgiving. I should probably start thinking about what we will be eating. Is it weird that I am not stressed or worried about that one bit? I suppose I am of the mindset that spending time together is more important than what we’ll be feasting upon. I’m not sure all would agree…

4. we have 1.0 weeks until D becomes a three-time Ironman. I need mother nature to cooperate and provide the perfect mix of weather that will not be too hot for my athlete and not too cold for my spectators. I need to find my cowbells. I need to go into the day well-rested and prepared with sustenance. See? I’m am more concerned about making it through that day than Thanksgiving. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. D has been a little uneasy about this race, but I am excited for him. He is faster and stronger than he has ever been. His swimming has improved so much since his first race and his bike and run are strong. He’s going to kill it.

5. I struggle with finding motivation to make dinner even when Denten is in town. You can imagine my burning desire to get it done when he’s away. I think we’re making cookies today instead.

6. I need to exchange my mattress tomorrow. I am completely ill-equipped to do such a thing. I mean, I thought I chose well the first time and clearly that was not so. How on earth am I to lay on a mattress for one minute and tell if it’s the one I am meant to be drawn to for the next 10 years? I think a system needs to be instigated where three or four of my choice are delivered and I can spend a week or so on each one. I mean, honestly. They do not feel the same in the store as they do in my bedroom. And what, exactly, determines whether it is the right one? This one feels hard. Too firm. Not comfortable to lay and read, but yet I sleep soundly all through the night, even dreaming well. What if I pick one that is more comfy to hang out on but I sleep terribly? The ideal is to have one that pulls me to it about 10 p.m. every night… one that is more enticing than the couch and whatever is on TV. One that I can’t wait to climb into with my book every night. One that I do not want to get out of…. although that creates a completely different set of problems. See?? It’s not even my genetic indeciveness that is the issue here. It is that there is not a great standard or procedure for choosing a mattress. Let’s pray for Brother Lee who is on the other end of this madness, shall we? Is it coincidence that Denten leaves town and in turn, leaves me to handle this situation? aaarrrrghghhh!

7. Our friend Megan broke her wrist playing soccer last week. Seneca and I took her some flowers and when learning where her injury was, Seneca said, “oh, you broke your radius?” Megan and her dad both looked at each other and then Mike said, “and this bone here.” “Oh, your ulna?” Yes, Megan broke her radius and her ulna and Seneca knew more about her x-ray than the rest of us the room. Thank you, discovery club. She can also tell you an amazingly large amount of information about sharks.

8. It’s time to get new carpet in the family room. I thought it was going to be wood, but it seems carpet is the way to go for now. Do you wish you could be in my head while I try to choose carpet?? Oh good grief. Someone just do it for me, please!! see number 6.

9. does your head hurt yet? I’ll go see if the butter is soft. cookie dough for dinner!

guess who came to town?

2011-11-12T18:31:00.001-08:00

I have not cleaned my bathroom. I have not done any dishes. I have not cooked meals. I have not had a nap. I have not read to my children.

I have eaten out like I was on vacation. I have been shoe shopping with my best personal shopper. I have listened to my kids laugh so hard they couldn’t breathe. I have had my kitchen cleaned for me multiple times. I have lost Beckham only to find him wandering the neighborhood with a pretty qualified adult. I have allowed Grandpa to take over story time. I had the pleasure of witnessing my dad’s first stroll through Trader Joe’s. I also witnessed his first time stepping foot in a Walmart. It was momentous. I slugged through the corn maze so my kids could take Grandpa to the pumpkin patch. I can cross “get Sunday shoes for the kids” off of my list. I heard about Cooper beating Grandpa in chess, twice.

Grandpa, we miss you already. Take some time to recover, and then come again!

Duck, Duck, Moose

2011-11-12T18:15:00.001-08:00

Showing off our jammies that match a favorite story.

I live with a bunch of goofballs. They are awesome.

2011-11-10T13:46:00.000-08:00

it was time to go get cooper from school. seneca ran down the hall and came back saying she needed her glasses, purse and book. she proceeded to follow me out the door saying, "now I am a mommy, too!" seems those are the three things I never leave home without. and she's noticed. makes me wonder what else I do regularly that she's noticing! better watch myself....

2011-11-10T06:47:00.000-08:00

I'm still grateful, I'm just busy, too! And I'm grateful to be busy. Most of the time. My dad arrived yesterday and spent the day running all around the valley with us, helping with homework, reading stories and playing chess. And tether ball. Today he and Beckham are at the airport awaiting a flight to SD to spend the day together at Sea World. Just the two of them. Bex was out of his mind excited about the whole experience. They'll fly back tonight and we'll have another couple of days with Grandpa before he leaves us.

Our Navajo social worker is coming today to update our home study. We'll call it one step closer to the next little in this family!

grateful.

2011-11-05T19:09:00.001-07:00

Today I'm grateful for:

- my sisters. they are thoughtful and helpful and funny and I love them to pieces.

- a new bed! we have moved up in the world... really! it's taller, wider and longer. I hope I can still find Denten in it.

- Past Tense tension blend. my headaches are still a little bit of a mystery, but using this oil blend have kept things manageable the past few days.

- my morning. usually Denten is training Saturday mornings but he had a later swim scheduled today so we spent a lazy morning in bed and then I went out for a run. It rained last night and it was fresh and cool outside. I need more mornings like that.

are you curious??

2011-11-03T18:33:00.001-07:00

Because I have had several questions about doTerra and essential oils lately, I am going to attempt to address them in a way that will be helpful to everyone. I will be having a FREE tele-class next week that all are invited to participate in, from your own homes!

Are you curious about doTerra essential oils and how they work? This class is for you!

Have you felt that these oils are right for your family, but don't know where to start? This class is for you!

Do you have the Family Physician Kit and would like to learn how to use it more effectively in your home? This class is for you!

Would you like to use your essential oils to practice prevention rather than waiting to treat ailments? This class is for you!

In this one-hour class, you will learn about the TEN most common and versatile doTerra essential oils: what they are, where they come from, what to use them for and how to administer them. These ten single oils and oil blends will assist with 90% of all the ailments you will encounter in your home. You will learn how they can replace all of the over-the-counter medications in your home and many prescriptions. You will learn why I feel completely secure administering them to my children and how in the past two years, my family has saved hundreds of dollars because we have had these oils in our home.

Simply let me know you'd like to participate and you will receive the number to call. This class will be offered twice next week in an effort to accommodate your schedules. Tuesday, November 8 at 9:15 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Both classes will cover the same information, you do not need to participate in both.

productive.

2011-11-02T18:37:00.001-07:00

I’m grateful for busy, productive days. Amid running to and fro, fulfilling carpooling duties, I had a great energy session with a favorite friend. I shared oils with a few wonderful people who will be blessed because of them. I did laundry. Denten will be so happy. He really needed clean socks. I made dinner. Actual dinner. In the crock pot, ‘cause those are the easiest kind. Both boys got hair cuts and look dashing. Seneca did not get a hair cut because she does not want to look like a boy. I planted a garden. Did you catch that one? Denten tilled up the garden plot Saturday and I took Beckham and Elsie to the nursery again today to pick up our vegetable and herbs to plant. I can’t say that with all my little helpers that the rows are straight, but they are in the ground! We even have flowers out front. The littles got showers, homework is done and I have happy voices playing in my house. I am grateful for this life.

halloween, 2011

2011-11-01T10:05:00.001-07:00

The mom of this family left her camera at a Halloween party last weekend… so the photo report is slim. And hopefully will be supplemented after I get my camera back!

Happy Halloween from the Cat in the Hat (there’s no doubt about that), Buzz Lightyear and Tinkerbell.

The Cat nailing the bulls-eye, dunking Brother Malinka at the ward Halloween party. Miss Tink taking her shot.

Beckham woke up this morning and ran to find me to report that there were not, in fact, lots of scary things in the sky last night.

Whew!

Courageous

2011-10-21T17:43:00.001-07:00

I have not seen this movie yet, but judging by it’s title song, it would be worth the time. These lyrics apply to all fathers and men of God. It’s a powerful song.

Courageous lyrics
We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous
We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away
Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord
We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight
The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous
This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall
We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise
We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight
The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous
Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God
In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand
In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand
We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight
The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous
We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous

glist

2011-10-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

today I'm grateful for:

- clean floors. for real.

- gorgeous park weather.

- catching up with friends.

- productive trip to the library.

- a dinner plan.

- my sisters.

- a parent/teacher conference that reiterated how grateful I am to be cooper's mom.

- an easy exchange at best buy.

- it's friday.

- seneca's girly antics.

- my house.

- crazy boogs.

- possibilities.

- beckham's exuberance.

- d's willingness and ability to manage it all.

- friends keeping me updated from afar.

- mom and dad.

observations.

2011-10-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

I have had a headache situation that has been pretty consistent for about a month. I am a much more engaged mother without feeling as though putting my head in a vice would be a great idea. More often than not these days, I am doing all I can. That is not all I want, desire or feel needs to be done, but it's all I can. Please bless revelation hits soon as to how to make it disappear. So, while I've been living in a survival fog, here is what I've observed around here. They are very deep thoughts.

1. it is beyond the half-way point of October and is still 100 degrees.

2. while a large jar of peanut butter is nice in that I don't have to buy them as often, how does one get out the bottom 1/3 of the peanut butter without getting all peanut buttery? my knife is not long enough.

3. ski lessons have been scheduled for christmas break. beckham asks every day if he can go water-skiing yet. thankfully, he is just as excited when he reminded that this time, he'll be on snow.

4. seneca arrived in the family room today wearing a multi-colored skirt, a shirt with ballet shoes on it, 4 hair clips, one headband and a gold mardi gras necklace. she struck a pose and said, "Mom, I am gorgeous today!"

perpetual fall break, please.

2011-10-16T16:46:00.001-07:00

We kicked off fall break with a little party for the Coopster. He chose to take a few friends to the local gymnastics gym and play around. He didn’t hold still long enough to get any decent picture.

her, on the other hand…

there was rope-climbing, rope-swinging, trampolines galore, balance beams and ball pits. monkey bars and tumbling mats… it was a good time.

home for ginger cookies and ice cream cones. in beckham’s case, both at once.

Then I win mother-of-the-year as I attempted the local skating rink with three little people who had never been on skates before. By myself. It was touch-and-go there for a bit, but they got the hang of it and had a great time. Occasionally Beckham would fall on his bottom and yell, “this is why I don’t like skating!!” and then he’d get up and go again. Two of three were asleep before leaving the parking lot. Mission accomplished. Forgive the lack of any action photos. I was a little occupied.

The beauty of fall break is that everything is cancelled. No tumbling, no music class, no chess, no SCHOOL!! It was fantastic. The only thing we had scheduled was soccer, and the weather was perfect for enjoying a few evenings and a Saturday morning outside. *Note: these photos are from a few weeks ago…

watching and learning.

don’t let this picture fool you. she got in there and took care of business.

We hit the park with friends, I escaped for a lunch date, I made it to the gym every single day, there were house projects completed and a lot of playing around here. Why, oh, why, does fall break have to end?? Let’s do it again!!

Cooper, Age 7

2011-10-07T14:22:00.001-07:00

Coop. You’re a little bit of a stinker who keeps growing even though I keep telling you I am NOT ready for a seven-year-old. You say, “I don’t know how to stop!” and laugh at me.

You’re a responsible little bugger, getting up with your alarm at 6:15 every morning, making your bed, getting dressed, getting your lunch ready and eating breakfast, all while telling me about what you read last night or about what you’ll be doing today. You’re a fan of Honey Nut Cheerios and Cinnamon Toast Crunch and when you eat eggs, you are like your mother and want them in the form of an egg sandwich or wrapped in a tortilla. You love German pancakes and requested French toast for your birthday breakfast.

You spend your days at school getting super smart and having loads of fun with your friends. You’re always a happy camper when we pick you up and are good to get your jobs done after school. Right now you practice your music every day and spend time doing your math and writing work. When you’re done you enjoy the Wii or playing games with your brother and sister. You three can get lost in your own world outside for hours.

For dinner last night you requested “a really good cheeseburger.” Those are not my genes talking. You also love pasta, especially with pesto and you are a shrimp-lover. However, orange chicken has been named your favorite food lately. Instead of a birthday cake or cupcakes, you wanted ginger cookies. They were delivered.

You are in your second year of chess club and are getting pretty darn clever. You enjoy puzzles and games that make you think, stuff you have to figure out. You play soccer and enjoy the competition and the challenge of the game. You’re in your last year of the Let’s Play Music program and impressed your dad and I when you sight-read the whole book this week while messing around at the piano. Dad was doing music flashcards with you this week and I heard him say, “Cooper, you are smarter than me!”

Seneca and Beckham are lucky to have you to learn from. They want to be just like you, do the things you do and play with the things you like. Thank you for teaching them good things. You are kind and patient with them and our whole family appreciates the way you play games and help with your brother and sister.

You have a happy face, Coop. You have a light in your eyes that shines when you get excited. Your eyes are dark blue and your hair is still super blond from all your time outside. Your smile is losing it’s baby teeth as bigger ones try to intrude. You still love your mom. You want a hug and a kiss before bed and before you leave for school. You are in this transitional stage where I know you want to be grown-up and you’re getting too smart for your own good, but then you have these moments where the joyful little boy in you erupts and I love those moments. You laugh so hard and run carefree. There are two things you leave home with every day: The reminder to play like a champion and the knowledge that you are a Child of God. You have determined what those things mean to you and I think they have helped make you who you are.

You’re still a crazy-pants with hilarious dance moves and unbelievable hula-hooping talent. You play this funny game where after you start the microwave, you run a lap around the entire house trying to beat the timer. It’s hilarious to watch you. Beckham has picked up on your tactics and is trying to be as fast as you are. You are 4’ 3’’ tall and weigh 48.5 pounds. You’re ticklish as can be and I love it. You lay out your clothes for the week each Sunday evening and are a creature of schedule and habit. You’re the one who was supposed to come first, Coop, and you’re doing a darn good job fulfilling that amazing potential you arrived with. Our clashes are only because we are so much alike and because I want the world for you. I love you to pieces. Happy Birthday, Cooper B.

oct. 6, 2011

crazy hair day at school, on your birthday

2011-10-02T11:14:00.001-07:00

I had some wonderfully sweet children in my home last night who left me feeling so humble and grateful for the life I have. The things I complain about and are eager to change were the same things they marveled at and were so impressed by. I was reminded how much I have and that the efforts of putting together a night with friends are always worth it when that time together has the potential to change lives. I am feeling full and humble today.

some randoms.

2011-09-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

overheard in the car going to soccer: "seneca, if you score 10 goals at practice then you can have one of my bouncy balls. or, if you have a lot of fun and try really hard."

myjobchart.com is working wonders around here. I wondered if the novelty would wear off but it's still going strong. the morning routine is happening with a fraction of the reminding that was occurring before and after school responsibilities are efficient and everyone is helpful. and best of all, children stay in bed after they've been tucked in! good find.

the school carnival is friday evening. everyone around here is looking forward to this event. it might have even made an appearance in prayers. betcha can't guess who would pray for such a thing.

my legs have been screaming at me every time I try to stand up or sit down today. I knew yesterday at the gym that I'd be sore because I could feel my limits being pushed, but holy smokes.

we have hit a few hurdles in the adoption certification front lately and are pushing through them persistently. D and I had physicals with a new doctor today as part of the renewal process. I like him.

seneca has a program at school tomorrow to showcase all of her solar system knowledge. judging by the songs she's been singing it ought to be quite the show. beckham is thoroughly offended he is not invited to attend. especially when she said there would be popcorn.

tomorrow is thursday. there are zero after-school activities scheduled. I love thursdays.

we're champions at our house.

2011-09-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

We're finding good things around here today. Everyone was a champion.

Cooper was put on "the ladder" today at chess. I had to have the coach explain that to me, but essentially he had to show his coach a check mate to prove he understood what it was and now he plays other kids on the ladder to work his way up. He has had the concept of check mate down for quite some time (I know from personal experience) but today he beat a 5th grader and he was proud the coach noticed his moves. He was a champion.

Seneca counted to 100 by herself today. She did it so easily that I'm assuming she has done that before, but it was the first time I heard her, so we made a big deal about it. She is a champion.

Beckham did a stellar cartwheel today at tumbling. I noticed because the first 30 minutes of class I was wondering if this was really worth our time seeing as the coordination with my children was a little lacking. Then Bex busted out this cartwheel with enough power to get over, semi-straight legs and landed on his feet with his hands up. It was great. He also wrote his name today with the best formed letters I've seen from him yet. He's most definitely a champion.

Denten took over working with Cooper last week preparing his talk for primary. They handled it completely, I didn't even hear it until he gave it on Sunday. I appreciated that I didn't have to worry about that and be the one to make sure Coop was prepared. Dent took out the garbage and recycling today, which I appreciated fully and he also handled a phone call on the way to work that I was stressing about. He's a total champion.

A September Retreat

2011-09-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

There was catching up. Reading. Lounging. Eating. Really good food. Browsing. Shopping. Napping.

There was the Bass Cottage Inn, our home away from home. And there were a few outings.

Tandem Cycling through Acadia National Park

When we picked up our bikes, the rental lady warned us that tandems weren’t always very good for marriages.

“Some people come back and they aren’t speaking to each other.”

It was funny. We loved them.

Bar Harbor Half-Marathon and 5K

Dad and I before

Hi Mom! Yes, I’m in a hat. Yes, it helped me avoid the whole my-ears-get-cold-and-give-me-a-headache situation.

D in the finish chute. Personal best time… he killed this one.

Wadey and Katelyn

The halfers. Sorry about your hair, sister. Consolation… mine grows in the humidity, too.

Back at the inn. Time to relax.

On the Open Sea

We finished our trip with a relaxing sail out on the open water.

The Helen Brooks, our Friendship Sloop for the afternoon

traps full of lobsters

our views

It is not hard to feel the peace and serenity sailing offers. A beautiful way to say good-bye… until next year.

The Lobster Experience

2011-09-22T12:01:00.001-07:00

Beal’s Lobster Pound in Northeast Harbor, ME.

The troops found this particular pound a few years ago and it has yet to disappoint.

The traps are piled right outside the door, fresh from the harbor.

Oh, hello little buddy! I am going to eat you! Ready to be dropped in the cooker. Yes, that’s the official name of the enormous vat of boiling water.

waiting to partake… while we prefer the harbor view, it was just too chilly this year to be outside.

before the carnage. mmm. he looks delicious!

the aftermath. it’s always over way too quickly.

Seneca is a champion.

2011-09-21T19:52:00.001-07:00

First soccer practice. Purple shorts we got didn’t fit, she rolled with it. On the way to practice we talked about listening to the coach and trying really hard to do what he asked. She responded, “I am going to play like a champion, like daddy says.” We have established that as our family motto and she is taking it to heart.

She worked out there. She was fast and tried so hard to get to the ball every time. She has mastered the thumbs-up and gave it to me frequently with a huge smile pasted on her face. “Mom, I’m doing good!” We’ll work on the grammar. When running off the field for a water break, she yells, “I’m a champion, mom!” Indeed, Senny. Indeed. She has the double-fist pump down and does it while jumping up and down when she gets excited. Like after she scored her first goal in the scrimmage. Oh, she was excited about that. There were also a few other exclamations from the field… “Oh, darn it!” “Oh, man!” There were several kids on the field who were crying at one time or another today, perhaps it’s the age, or the beginning of the season but I’m glad she wasn’t one of them. She fell at one point and hurt her elbow. “I just brushed it off, mom. I’m ok.” I’ve always liked watching Coop play soccer, but this is a whole new level of entertainment.

bexie again.

2011-09-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

please bless we can be nice to each other. please bless that we can have oreos again that are cookies stuck together like a sandwich. please bless that we can have pizzas not on the grill next time. please bless we can go on an airplane and a rocket ship, oh, not a rocket ship but an airplane to go to katelyn's house and to grandma's house. and grandma's house. and grandma's house.

it's nice to know what is important to him these days.

to heaven. from beckham.

2011-09-12T19:24:00.001-07:00

please help us be nice to each other and go to a water park, not just stapley (the local city pool). please help me get a new toy from christmas and from easter and help me go to a birthday party and have a popsicle at that birthday party. please help us be nice to each other and help dad get home safe.

10 years ago

2011-09-11T17:41:00.001-07:00

I wish I could write as eloquently as Katelyn. Her story brought me to tears first thing this morning and they have been close to the surface all day. Denten and I were living in Cedar City at Sunset Ridge. I was in the bathroom getting ready for work when I turned on the TV in my bedroom. Denten had already gone to work at the middle school. News of the terrorist attacks was everywhere but it took me a while to realize that this was live, happening now. I remember sitting on my bed, glued to the footage with my phone in my hand. I remember trying to get a hold of family members and hearing from my mom that no one knew where Katelyn was yet. I felt shaken and peaceful at the same time. I knew somehow that she was fine, but I was scared for her, being there alone. I didn’t know whether to be scared for me. Would these awful people touch small-town Southern Utah? I pulled myself away and drove to Head Start where I was working in a social work capacity with their child care programs. I don’t remember much about what I did, except that I couldn’t focus and didn’t stay long. I felt like I was in a dream. Driving back home I remember looking at the sky and thinking it was clear and blue and yet there was a darkness that I felt all around me. I spent time curled up sitting on our blue couch watching, hanging on any bit of news about what was happening on the East Coast.

Denten found a TV at the middle school in Coach Barnes’ office. At some point he talked to Katelyn and let me know she was ok.

I don’t know if 10 years is a big deal because 10 is a nice number or if Bid Laden being found this year plays a part, but it seems big to me this year. The terror, the destruction, the heartache and the heroes all stand out. I remember feeling a sense of community that I had never felt before that extended from one side of the country to the other. Kids made ribbons and sold pins. There were fundraisers for the victim’s families. There was this commonality that I shared with everyone I encountered and I loved that spirit. I wish it would have lasted longer. Criticism of how GW handled everything was quick to come and the critical eye propelled from there. I wanted the ‘banding together’ part to last longer than the ‘he’s not doing it right’ part. The flag meant more to me after the attacks. I always had respect for it, but it was a symbol of survival after that. Music about America and that day still makes me stop and listen closely. I wondered for days after 9.11 how life was supposed to just go on. How we were just supposed to go back to doing what we always did like nothing happened. So much had changed and I felt it deep inside of me but I didn’t know what to do about it. But I suppose that’s how it is. When tragedy strikes, we mourn and we grieve and we support and then we feel gratitude and we keep moving. We take those experiences and we let them change us so while life continues, it does so with us a little better, a little brighter and a little more hopeful than before.

There are images that are forever in my mind and guarantee that I will always remember. It’s not a feeling of anger or hate or fear that I carry. It’s one of reverence and solidarity and respect. and Hope.

Patriot’s Day

2011-09-09T14:56:00.001-07:00

At the beginning of this week Cooper’s teacher sent home a note with his homework assignments. She explained that they were going to be spending time this week talking about 9/11 and although none of the first graders were alive in 2001, they were going to study the day as an important day in history and focus on the hope and positive aspects that came from the event. They read various books about the World Trade Center (did you know someone once tight-rope walked across a wire between the two buildings?!) and talked a little about heroes. One of Coop’s assignments was to write about one of his heroes. This was a hard concept to define as he didn’t want to write about someone who wasn’t alive anymore, or someone fictional and although he is related to many great men, there wasn’t one that stood out to him as a “hero.” He finally told me he’d take care of it on his own, after I’d suggested many options, and I let him. He settled on his dad and did a great job.

This morning there was a special flag ceremony at school. Seneca, Beckham and I stayed to participate when we took Cooper to school. The entire student body was dressed in red, white or blue and gathered in the courtyard around the flag pole. We learned that the flag that flies at Zaharis was sent to the students from members of the military that the students had been writing to for three years. The servicemen flew it over an airbase in Afghanistan and then sent it to Zaharis. There were a few trumpet solos that were amazing and a few students read essays they had written about 9/11. I was impressed with the reverence of the students as they listened to the program. Boy scouts handed raising, the lowering, the flag with smart salutes. I’m grateful that this day is being celebrated and that it has been the focus at school this week. I’m grateful for all the good that came out of a massive tragedy. The patriotism, the sense of community, the awareness of everyday heroes.

After the attack in 2001, the newspaper came with a full-page picture (below). We had it hanging on the door to our garage for a long time. I’m grateful we have not forgotten.

good things.

2011-09-07T14:38:00.001-07:00

today I smiled and laughed all the way home from the school. cooper checked out a new book of riddles and they were funny. listening to him laugh at them was the best part. that, and having beckham guess the answers.

I am loving the gym lately. I have changed up my routine a little and I can feel that my body is stronger and can go longer than before. I enjoy the teachers, the people I'm with and the music. I look forward to it every day.

hot, fresh, homemade wheat bread. delivered to my door by emily-the-amazing across the street. coop and I enjoyed a fat slice when he got home.

listening to seneca tell us about astronauts today. she is so animated and remembers the funniest little details.

one week until it's time for a vacay! for us and the kids... not together, but they get to stay with adam and camarie and let's be honest, they just may have more fun than we will. although we'll get the better scenery. and food. and fresh air. ok, we win, but they'll be in good hands.

2011-09-06T18:07:00.001-07:00

I’ve read several posts lately relating to motherhood… all from women who are attempting to give this role their best effort despite the fact that the role is ever evolving and requires efforts thrown in different directions each day. Along with these women, I want to be a great mother- one who raises children who are bright, capable, above-average and feel great about themselves. I want them to be well-rounded. I want them to be great communicators. I want them to know their Heavenly Father and have an intimate relationship with Him. I want them to love and enjoy each other and place value on the things that matter most. While this list is by no means comprehensive, the point is that I have great aspirations as a mother.

I was with friends last night who were discussing how several in my former ward had refused to accept callings recently. We were talking that there might be various reasons for this- that one lacks the confidence to feel they will do well in a certain calling, or, as was mentioned, some claimed they were too qualified or felt they had too much to offer to serve in a particular position. One of my friends observed that both of these reasons boil down to a lack of faith. What makes us doubt the fact that Heavenly Father knows just what we should be doing at any given point in our lives? Doubt, fear, pride and selfishness are all tools the adversary uses to make sure we don’t exhibit our full potential, whether it be related to magnifying our callings in our wards, or our callings as mothers.

I have to release doubt on a regular basis when it comes to motherhood. It is easy for me to compare myself to other mothers who are, from my perspective, doing a fantastic job. They seem to have it all figured out and I can be quick to come to the conclusion that I don’t have the capability to do that. It is a quick spiral for me to become completely overwhelmed when I think of all the things my children should have exposure to that I am failing to provide. When I release fears and doubts, it is clear that this is what my Father in Heaven wants me to be doing right now and He wouldn’t ask anything of me save He shall prepare a way for me to accomplish it. He wouldn’t give me this job if I weren’t the right one to do it.

The more common fault I need to check often is selfishness. The more I learn about being a mother, the more I realize it is the most service-oriented calling on earth. You give from sun up to sun down day in and day out. Sometimes I need to to stop as I’m scheduling my day or managing my time and check myself to see if that time is being spent the best way possible. My children are old enough that they do not my full, undivided attention every minute of the day. That makes it tempting to escape, to sneak in time that is just for me and, in the long run, does not benefit them. While I believe that every mother needs a break now and then, I also believe that being a mother means being anxiously engaged… all the time. My children need so much from me that I can’t afford to check out on a regular basis. The hours they are awake are precious hours that can be used in productive ways to build their little spirits and minds while they are eager to learn.

The rebellious in me countered back today when I had the thought, “my goal today is to be a great parent.” Immediately the opposition yelled in my ear, “Isn’t that what I’ve been doing since 6:15 this morning?! Being a parent??” Yes, technically, but perhaps a better term for the morning was, “Chauffer.” I have had to be more creative than I have in the past in regards to the time we spend in the car. Planning ahead is necessary for me to be sure we have the right music, books, sight words and games available in the car with us so that we are using that time productively. I have been tempted when we have 10 minutes to wait here or there to pull out my book, but those scattered minutes get us through a few music class songs together, or solid on a few more sight words, or through a new library book.

This is not to say that I end the day completely exhausted. In fact, I seldom make it to the end of the day before that feeling hits. The one that screams, “I’m done!!” Sometimes my eyes fight me to stay open. Sometimes my body is tired and done. Sometimes my brain has hit it’s limit and sometimes it’s all emotional. But we make it. Every day, somehow, we make it. Even on Tuesdays. Heaven help me on Tuesdays.

I fall short every day being the mother these children deserve. But I am grateful that when I pray for help, the Spirit visits me often with small, subtle suggestions that will help our day go smoother, or help someone understand the concept being taught, or prompt kind words that are well-received. I’m grateful for good examples that inspire me to step up my game and keep my focus on these little ones who posses so much potential.

thursday update.

2011-09-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

We moved here almost a year-and-a-half ago and ever since I have been intending to have our pediatric records transferred to a closer pediatrician. It obviously never made the top of the priority list because it never happened. Thanks to doTerra and heaven, we have not had any need to visit a doctor in the last year-and-a-half but I figured we better get caught up on our immunizations, 'cause I'm still ok with those. And it's fun to see how the kids are growing. Although they little ones hopped on the scale at the gym this week and discovered they weigh the same. That may never be the case again in their little lives so we thought it was cool.

Anyway, today was the day to meet the new dr. I was honest about the fact that shots were going to be involved. They were troopers. We picked Coop up from school and headed to our appt. Everyone is healthy, strong and ticklish. We have a few things to follow up on with Bex, but nothing I'm worried about. Coop lucked out and only got a flu shot. Bex got a booster and a flu. Seneca won the prize with six shots today. SIX! Seems 4-years-old is a biggie... all those kindergarten prep shots. She didn't like me for 4 seconds but got over it quick and thought it was great that she had the most band-aids.

All the kids walked away with a sucker, a sticker and a new book. I like the doctor, he was helpful with my questions and patient with my kids. I hope we don't have to see him again for a while, but it's nice to know he's there if we need him.

Beckham beat me in Memory today. He doesn't really like to wait for his turn when he knows where a match is, but he really does have a knack for that game. Seneca has been learning about outer space at Discovery Club this week. It is hilarious to listen to her talk about stars, the milky way and the like. A star is a giant ball of glowing gas! Said with her arms circling huge around her. The sun is a star! But stars don't look like our stars, mom. They are very tiny because they are far away, but they are big if you look through a telescope. And the milky way is pronounced "milky wave," and it swirls around like a white flower. It's not the facts so much as the bright eyes and enthusiasm that accompanies the delivery.

Tonight was curriculum night at Coop's school. We went and Cooper showed us around his room and the things he's been working on. I think it was anticlimactic for Denten as he left work super early to be there, but I love that Coop is in this environment and the things he's being exposed to. Seneca can't wait to go to school and Beckham was happy visiting the tortoises. Who, by the way, just had babies. There are a few select members of this family who think we need to welcome one or two into this family. We'll see what happens with that.

We have almost reached Friday, folks! That is a big deal.

breathe.

2011-08-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

monday.

everyone up by 6, out the door at 7:15. coop to school then to the gym. home for a quick shower then off to tumbling class. straight to the grocery store. swear I will not grocery shop with these two during the lunch hour again. home for lunch and a failed attempt at naps. back in the car to get cooper, fall asleep on the way (them, not me). get coop in the car and head for home. get phone call reminding us that coop was scheduled for chess club after school. turn that car around, have him run in while we kill time in the car for a while then venture into the school. admire baby tortoises recently hatched at school, read in the library while chess finishes up. finally head home. music practice with cooper, then with senny. french dip sandwiches for dinner, jammies, reading and to bed.

tuesday.

D out the door sometime before 5 a.m. with running shoes on. beckham's happy face in mine at 5:40, all dressed and ready for the day. take coop out to school, seneca to preschool, bex and I go visiting teaching then to the bank. home to pick up library books then off to get senny. go from preschool to dry cleaners to senny's music class. drop her off and head for the library. return, find new books then back for seneca. home for a quick lunch then back in the car to get cooper. pick up pies on the way home. give freedom for one hour before we have to leave again. drop pie at home teacher's house (birthday), pick up kalle for music and take coop and kalle to music class. thank my lucky stars that kalle's mom will bring them home. swear when I pull in my garage that I'm not getting in the car again today. get dinner ready, pick up the house, eat, clean kitchen, celebrate when D walks in the door and takes over reading time. sit down for 10 minutes then get ready for book club girls to walk in the door.

tomorrow will be slower. please.

saturday bullets.

2011-08-27T18:25:00.001-07:00

personal record for Denten at the utah half ironman today, sub-5 hour time which is AWESOME!
sweet crash for bro-in-law Drew at the same race. he’s got some gnarly road rash but finished the race and did great.
spent an hour at the gymnastics gym this afternoon with my kids. trampolines, rings, bars, balance beams, ball pits, mats and ramps… it was a fantastic indoor playground. Cooper moved from one apparatus to the next so quickly, he couldn’t decide where to spend his time! The other half of the building is a skate park. Beckham was fascinated with the skateboarders and has decided that is the class he would like to take. Seneca is in it for the leotards.
finished my first book by Sarah Desser. reminded me of Nicholas Sparks without all the sap. I liked it.
escaping tonight to see The Help with the girls. Beckham asked where I was going. to a movie. what movie? The Help. Oh. Later at dinner: mom is going to see a movie about help. like if you need help getting out of a tree, or if you’re stuck in the playhouse, or in a crocodile’s mouth… nice to know what situations he might need help with.
pot stickers for dinner at coop’s request. he definitely favors Asian flavors. smart kid.
outside temp yesterday was a record-breaking 117 degrees. it didn’t feel super hot, but it sounds ludicrous.

my hands: a comparison

2011-08-25T12:49:00.001-07:00

Last week my hands were occupied practicing and perfecting figure-8 and bowline knots. They threaded rope through harnesses and ATC devices. They felt useful as they scanned rock faces searching for the best hand holds. They protested when I had to take off my gloves and adhere to the cold rock slab early in the morning. They warmed up with the friction of the belay rope sliding quickly between them. They supported me as I used them to push my body toward a higher and more desirable position on the mountain. They were grateful to cup a warm mug of cocoa at the lower saddle. They packed gear carefully and assisted in rappelling. They popped raw almonds into my mouth regularly and lifted cold, perfect water to my lips. They clipped and unclipped carabineers. They splashed perfectly clear water over my face at the Meadows. The got dirty and felt strong.

This week my hands are occupied turning pages of story books. They are cutting up fruit, spreading sandwiches and washing dishes. They are combing hair and brushing little teeth. They are wiping up spills and folding laundry. They are correcting pencil grip at the table and finger placement at the piano. They are clutching a cup of ice each time I leave the house and are spending quality time with my steering wheel. They are tickling cute little bodies and giving high-fives.

While the business of my hands this week is significant beyond description,

Carmen’s Pinnacle

please don’t tell me I’m crazy for missing it, just a little.

Thoughts I have had today

2011-08-23T16:30:00.001-07:00

Wearing jeggings in 108 degree heat is not a good idea. Even if you think you will be in air conditioning all day, the getting to and from is a little sweaty.

Beckham says, “ah, shucks.” He also says, “shoot” sometimes, too. We had a date this morning, visiting teaching and the library. He was an excellent companion- I could get used to hanging out with just Bex, he’s easy and funny.

Cooper has many talents, two of which are jump-roping and hula-hooping. Seriously, the kid can hula hoop for an amazingly long time. In P.E. he had some girls watching him jump rope and ask him how he did that. He said they were jealous of him. I wondered if that was his word or theirs. He also has been giving me an education regarding fiction, non-fiction and fairy tales.

Seneca has been learning skills at discovery club (preschool) that have come in handy around here… tools to use when she gets upset. Today she came to my crying because Beckham had done something or other and I told her to use her big voice and go talk to him about it. I could hear this calm, controlled conversation take place in the next room and was super grateful for the skills she is learning at club!

If asked directly if Coop likes school, he will often bring up his old school, but listening to him talk about the things he does and books he’s being exposed to, there is no doubt he is enjoying this experience. And the homework coming home is awesome- seriously fun assignments that we can all participate in and are not a bunch of busy work or pointless worksheets. The drive is long and waiting in the pick-up line is longer, and if it were a school I didn’t like, I could find all sorts of faults with the system, but it’s totally worth it for me.

Here are a few books Cooper has introduced to us lately:

One by Kathryn Otoshi. This is a great story about how one person can make a big difference. Cooper was excited to share this one with us.
Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkel. This one talks about the importance of one’s name. There are some fun projects that are associated with this idea.

Both Cooper and Seneca started music class last week and I wondered if it would be hard to find time to practice with both of them but it has been fun this week introducing new ideas and seeing them catch on quickly. And poor Beckham, he’s doing it right along side them- he’ll be a pro when it’s actually his turn!

I rolled my ankle on the first day of climbing school last week. I was concerned that it would interfere with my climb, but after a day it felt fine. It hurts again, however, and that is annoying. I’m ready to get back to the gym and I should probably run a little before Bar Harbor next month, but it is as sore as it was when it happened. I want to use it, but I’m afraid if I hurt it again it will take a long time to heal. Oh, bother. Let’s be honest- if this if the only I have to complain about today, life is pretty good.

My Grand Adventure

2011-08-21T22:45:00.001-07:00

I left on Sunday, kissing darling faces good-bye, leaving them in the care of Denten and his mom for the week. If you define “vacation” as a chance to relax and unwind, then that is the wrong term for this excursion. It was, however, beautiful, satisfying, exhilarating and left me changed, a little different from the person I was when I left home.

Climbing School: Day 1

Isabel, me and Grace outside the Exum hut before leaving for our first day. We crossed Jenny Lake to reach our climbing grounds for the day. I spent these days with my cousins, Aunt Nanette and Uncle Jeff. Couldn’t have asked for better company on this particular journey.

Nanette and Grace on top of our day one rappel. Nanette on her way down. The overhang was a little tricky to navigate.

By the time we had finished our climbing, waited out a hail storm, rappelled and descended the boulders, some were ready to be done for the day. Our guide day one was Dave, who accompanied us on our Grand ascent.

Isabel, Jeff, Nanette, AB and Grace at hidden falls after day one. We spent the evening eating dinner next the entire cast of Modern Family, who was apparently in Jackson filming an episode on a dude ranch. After a quick night, we were off again.

Climbing School: Day Two

The climbing we did on day two was really fun for me. We reviewed techniques I used in what seems like a previous life, back when I was in high school- stemming, mantling, practicing trusting our feet that they would stick to the rock… I loved all of it. Isa took a fall on day two that was frustrating to her and gave a somber mood to our group for a bit, but Nat was our guide this day and he was fantastic in helping her shake it off and reinstilling the fact that he all the confidence in the world in all of us that we could do this.

top of day two rappel. AB, Iz and Nanette

After day two. I felt confident and excited. Can’t say I didn’t have a lot of butterflies in my stomach that night, however.

The Grand, day one: up to the lower saddle

Nanette, Dad, Isabel, Jeff, Grace, AB at the trail head, ready to go!

we passed this sight shortly after we started hiking. This was the destination. It was such a majestic sight.

After many switchbacks, we turned to enter Garnet Canyon. My dad told me that even though he has done this several times, this scenery still takes his breath away. I had to stop several times to look around. The Middle Teton was in front of with Nez Perce to the south, both huge and beautiful.

Just after noon we reached the Meadows for lunch. Nat caught up with us here and continued on. From here, the trail got steep. Really steep. Nat was fantastic and took the next section super slow.

This was at the top of the falls, where I drank the best water in the world. It was cold and straight out of the mountain. From here it was grunt work getting up to the lower saddle. Steep ascents with a lot of loose rock took just about all I had in me. The saddle was such a welcome sight!

This crazy man thought he needed a little bath when we arrived. The water was cold to drink, but I started shivering just thinking about putting it on my body! From the lower saddle, we could look east and see down toward Jackson where we started. To the west we could see the entire Teton Valley in Idaho. This was the inside of our hut on the saddle. We went to bed about 8:30 and woke up just after 3:00 a.m. Can’t say a lot of sleep occurred between those hours… but I was super grateful to be inside the hut as the wind outside made me think anything outside had been blown clear off the mountain. It was crazy wind. Made me wonder all night how I was going to climb in that madness. Luckily it died a little by the time we took off. We walked the first stretch by moonlight, keeping our headlamps off. Nat warned us ahead of time that by the time we reached the black dike, our first stop, we would all feel like hell. It helped knowing that I was feeling normal! This was also the section that both of my sisters had lost their breakfast at one time or another- I was fortunate to avoid that situation. There was a girl in the group ahead of us that reached this point and due to both asthma and fear had decided to turn around. I wanted to cry for her- coming this far and having to go back was totally devastating. Nat hustled us out of there quick lest any of us get any ideas about turning around.

I don’t know how many times my dad has done this climb, but enough that Nat didn’t want him to get bored, so he threw in a few extra pitches to keep him on his toes. Isabel and I were on dad’s rope, so we were along for the ride! We climbed this friction pitch called Carmen’s Pinnacle- it was a really fun climb and better done without looking over the edge as it was super exposed. I found greater satisfaction in climbing this stuff than I ever anticipated.

After the last roped pitch, my dad took the lead and lead us up the last few climbs to the summit. I got up there and didn’t quite know what to think. Part of me wanted to celebrate that I was actually there, that my body and mind had worked together to get me to the top and yet I knew that coming down was going to be challenging so I couldn’t fully breathe relief yet. I felt like I was in a dream-like state, wondering if it was real that I had actually done this. Dad kept telling me to eat, I just wanted to look around and try to soak it all in. We were so much higher than anything else around us, higher than all of the peaks that had looked so huge and intimidating from the valley floor. I called Denten from the top and started feeling a little emotional. I asked after if it was silly that I wanted to cry… Nanette looked at me and said, “I’ve been bawling over here for five minutes!” I don’t know if it’s the feeling of accomplishing something that took so much physical effort on my part, conquering fears, or if it was the power of the view surrounding us- probably a combination of all, but it was powerful to me.

We had climbed the Exum Ridge going up as opposed to the Owen-Spaulding Route. I was grateful for this for several reasons. First, it had better climbing, more roped pitches that I really enjoyed. Second, once the sun came up, I sat at my belay stations watching the mountains below me turn pink and then feel the sun wash over me. That was a big deal, having sun and being on the opposite side of the peak from the wind. Going down, we down-climbed the OS route and were in the shade and wind. I was moving and working and therefore not really cold, but I was grateful I didn’t spend all morning on that side of the mountain. Down-climbing was more work than I anticipated. By this time my muscles were fatigued and I was moving slow trying to be careful. I was so happy to see the rappel that would take us down 130 feet all at once.

I am a tiny little grey figure in the middle of the picture.

After we arrived back down to the lower saddle.

Outside our hut. G, AB, Nanette, Iz. Me and Dad.

Start at the top and count three major points down to the right. It looks like a slab shooting up to the sky- this was Carmen’s Pinnacle, our bonus pitch. I wanna do it again.

Looking back up toward the saddle, those loose rocks were maddening! Nat and Dad were super patient with my slow, cautious pace.

G and Nanette with the falls behind them. It was fantastically gorgeous up there.

Thursday night at dinner with Mom and Dad. We won’t talk about how much it hurt to come out of this kneeling position!

I flew home Friday and somehow felt like I was carrying this big thing that only I could understand. I was grateful my sisters had had this experience and were willing to celebrate my accomplishment, but even then, I think my experience was probably different from theirs. My mom has had to sit through many dinners where the conversation centers around adventures that she probably doesn’t care to hear all the details about. She warned me that no one would quite appreciate the experiences I had had and to not feel bad if no one “got it.” I want to share this great thing with people, but I also want to keep it my own. I think I went through withdrawals when I got home, feeling like I had this really wonderful thing that was a part of me now but I didn’t know how it fit into my regular life. I didn’t want to let it go and have life return to normal like it never happened. Katelyn said that it is somehow a spiritual experience, one that changes you and I would have to agree. It was hard, both physically and mentally, but I loved it. I loved the anticipation and the setting and the people and the sense of accomplishment that it gave me. It was not a vacation in that I came home relaxed, I call it a “working vacation,” and it was fantastic.

2011-08-21T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm getting a blogger education tonight... apparently when you publish photos to blogger, they are also saved in a picasa web album and when it's full... you can't publish any more photos! working on a way to remedy that...

test

2011-08-21T21:25:00.001-07:00

test post

the details that make up this house right now

2011-08-12T18:46:00.001-07:00

1. Beckham has decided nap time is not for him. He’ll give me a few minutes in his room and then he’s done. “Mom, I’m ready to come out and play quietly.” He does not fall asleep easily during the day anymore which makes for a great bedtime but sometimes he gets a little grumpy in the late afternoon. Seneca, however, is still a daily napper. This makes for tricky schedules, but we roll with it.

2. We have completed the first week at Zaharis, Cooper’s new school. I’m certain I’m more excited about it than he is, but that’s ok. He has been quick to report that recess is not as long at this school as if that is a reason to transfer back. Ha! Starting over in a new building without any familiar faces isn’t easy, but I know he’ll get back to comfortable. The best is that each day on the way home he has gone into great detail about whatever book was read to him that day. I don’t say out loud that that is one of the reasons we made this move, but it sure makes me happy inside! He has done his reading at home each day without any fight, sometimes choosing to do it in the massage chair and staying in there for an hour… whatever works, buddy!

3. Let’s Play Music starts up again next week for Cooper and for the first time for Senny. I still love this program and am grateful to have it so easily accessible. Coop is going to be exposed to amazing things this last year and Seneca is more than ready to get going.

4. Preschool for Senny also starts next week at Discovery Club, which is where Cooper finished his last two months right after we moved here. It is a fun, unique environment that Seneca will soak up. I am excited for her, but bummed that I’ll be missing her first days. Good thing Dad and Grandma will be here to take care of things.

5. The car has been cleaned and laundry done in preparation for Grandma to arrive. Dianna is coming to manage this house while I escape next week. She has a few really busy days, I hope she’s up for it! I’m grateful she’s willing and available to come jump into taking care of this crew. The kids are excited to have her here. I’m also grateful there is zero apprehension about me leaving, except that Beckham really wants to fly on an airplane with me.

6. Ready or not, the Grand Teton and I are having a date next week. I am excited and ready to go. Well, almost ready… still need to clean bathrooms and get a few things packed.

7. This house has been bustling this week with various appointments. We have a new pest control company and so far they are winners. Locals? I have a referral for you… they have rid this property of all ants, scorpions and all other creepy things. We also have had several wood people in here giving me their opinions and bids on our potential flooring projects. I keep sharing details with Denten and he says, “you’re talking ‘wood’ and I have no idea what you’re saying.” I have had a crash course this week in terminology, cuts, stains, sealants, grades and the like. We’ll see if we can get this project moving before I forget it all.

8. Sleep. Does one ever feel ‘caught up?’ Dent got up 30 minutes earlier than usual yesterday to get a longer run in. The alarm went off at 4:00 and last night we were discussing who had the advantage: the dad who sleeps soundly through the night, albeit a shorter one, or the mom who stays in bed until 5:45 but gets up twice or three times during the night with various children. I don’t know who wins, but I know that sleep is a very valuable commodity for everyone.

First Grade… and a new school

2011-08-10T16:11:00.001-07:00

This is my way-too-big first-grader. Who had a pretty good day at a brand-new school. A school I have prayed about and wanted for him so badly and thought impossible as the waiting list was long and not moving. Monday I got a phone call letting me know there was a spot for him. We went right over to get him registered and that night went to meet his new teacher and take a look around the school. He was a little apprehensive seeing as this is not where he thought he would be all summer. This was not the familiar, the one with friends… but I took it as a good sign Monday evening when he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to “just keep walking, explore a little more.” This school has an amazing energy about it, I didn’t blame him for wanting to just be there. This school requires sacrifice for most in our family. It’s a further drive, more time in the car for the littles, more gas, more strategic planning on my part to get everyone where they need to on time. And if this experience turns out how I believe it will, it will be completely worth it. I was so grateful for the feelings I have had this week as compared to how I felt this time last year. The sinking feeling in my stomach has not been present, the feeling of dread about where I am sending my little boy for 6.5 hours a day… gone. I am so excited for him and the great environment he gets to be a part of.

But he’s still getting too big too fast. We walked in to meet his teacher and she said, “you’re really tall for a first-grader!” He just smiled. I love this kid like mad and hope with everything I have that he has an amazing school year. We’re off to a good start seeing as he spent 45 minutes with his book right after school.

And just for Gram… look! the tooth finally came out!!

sunday.

2011-08-07T21:47:00.001-07:00

I found myself back in primary today, singing away.

I love our home teacher. I think I’ve mentioned that before. My kids love him too, and his daughters, who he brings with him when he comes. He’s the most consistent home teacher we’ve had since we moved to Arizona, and I think this is the first time he’s ever visited his assigned family regularly. Glad it’s working out for us both.

Had a killer nap today. I laid down in the den and didn’t wake up until after 5:00. Had no idea it was that late, it was like a coma nap, the kind where somewhere in your consciousness you know you should wake up but there are powers beyond your control holding you down. After sleeping so deeply for so long I should not be so tired right now, but I am.

I presented Denten with a Hell’s Kitchen scenario today for dinner. Here are your ingredients, make it fabulous. He delivered. Scallops, turkey bacon, zucchini and pasta… it came together great and was delicious. Love when he’s in the kitchen.

Happy Sunday to you. ‘Night.

one big long paragraph about our adventures at the gap.

2011-08-05T17:27:00.001-07:00

so it’s friday. that’s good news, except that it means that school starts next week. I’m keeping my opinion about that to myself around here because he’s ready to go back and I’m not! we’ve filled our last full week of summer with play dates here and away, swimming, swimming, swimming, a trip to the splash park, lots of time at the gym and some down time with movies. oh, and school shopping. that was an adventure. Dent has been gone for three days to Supai so I figured what the heck, let’s hit the mall and take advantage of gap’s major discounts this week. I got some killer deals on darling stuff for these crazies, but holy smokes, heaven bless the gap and all within. first we pick out clothes with coop, then he needs to try them on- all while I’m trying to keep the littles out of the clothes racks gently reminding that this is not really the place for hide-and-seek. Coop’s growing too fast and I need to grab new sizes. we finally have a few things that will be great for him and it’s the Lady’s turn. “Oh, mom! This is soooo beautiful!” said while her hands are flung to her chest and her voice is broadway quality. gosh darn that gap and all their sparkles and ruffles. it’s all “soooo beautiful!!” although I’ll admit that skinny jeans on a little 4-year-old bottom are completely darling. we whittled down her “have to have” pile and moved on to Bexie, which was really just for good measure as he doesn’t need a whole lot. he picked a great shirt off of the sale rack and we were good to go. until we were walking out and coop found shoes. shoot, we weren’t going to get shoes here! but when all discounts bring them down to $8, you betcha, go get the shoes. then we did actually move on to an actual shoe store and the boys were granted new kicks. turns out beckham has an opinion on the color of his shoes that just happens to surface after they have been paid for. no problem, let’s do a quick exchange and all is well. after all the madness (oh, wait, it’s not over) I decided that I shouldn’t care how much the train ride was, it should just happen. so it did and I looked away as I paid $3 a kid. good grief. and then we went back to the gap (we had to give them time to recover) because I needed a turn. not a big one, just a few things… I was grateful the store was fairly empty but even still, it is not appropriate for these hooligans I own to chase each other around clothes racks, darting in and out and squealing at each other. see, heaven bless gap. sit. right there. now, stay. do these pants look great? “oh, mom… I really like those!” “those ones are not great, mom.” thanks for the honesty, let’s get out of here once and for all. I get to the check-out counter (for like the third time) and the new-on-duty guy asks, “so, how’s your thursday?” hi, can you see and hear anything past this counter? those are mine. I’m great, how are you? crazy person. then we were done. really, truly. until we walked through nordstrom on the way to the car. darn those frilly dresses they put right on the aisle… “ah! mom, look at this!” while fluffing it around in her hands. “it would be so wonderful to wear this one, mom!” I’m sure it would, but I’m all done with my shopping today! and then she sees the jewelry counter across the way. I swear everyone on the floor heard the gasp. “It’s so beautiful mom! look, it’s sparkly! there is sooo much beautiful jewelry!” she even had her brothers glued to the glass case. where did she come from?! eventually we did actually make it out the door and to the car and home. there was a point along the way where I remembered that I had already picked out a few things online and that that would have been much easier than the escapade we just had, but we needed to try things on! and it was fun. right? it was fun? yes. and timed just right that we pulled in just in time for bed. imagine that.

to remember.

2011-08-01T18:30:00.001-07:00

I’ve been putting this off, for a few reasons. Frankly, I enjoyed my time away, away from my real life and away from this little blogosphere. It was kind of like I was hiding from everything and I loved it. I apologize if I ignored your phone calls and emails, but I was “out.”

But, alas, I am back and trying to embrace it. So, here is by far the longest post I’ve ever created…recap of the road trip that was… many, many miles covered and more importantly, many great memories made.

Like this one. We spent our first night in Kanab before trekking to southeastern Utah the next day for the Banks reunion. We stopped at Moqui Cave. Not worth your time, in case you’re wondering, but we were on a road trip! Me and three little people, so we stopped for things like caves and milk shakes. The kids thought it was awesome until they actually had to go in the dark cavern. They didn’t want to, but I paid for it, gosh darn it, we were going in!

We drove through gorgeous country, from red rock canyons into white moonstone-like valleys, up into desert country covered with sage and finally into thick pines and forest. I was impressed all over again with the geography Utah has to offer. We camped somewhere over there for a few days with the Banks clan, who, luckily I happen to enjoy.

Grandma and Grandpa Banks. lawn golf. Katelyn and Bode

Coop perfecting his lawn golf. Grace, Lindsay, Tess and Anne. Senny and Mary

the crew making boats. the final products.

all ready to sail their boats down the stream.

cousins. sisters. more cousins.

My great-aunt Marge turned 90 this year and you don’t have a birthday in Peaks Circle without a big sha-bang! Here is Marge with my family and with her brothers, Joe and Ben (grandpa). I love Marge to pieces. She’s always had a thing for my husband… who can blame her, really.

Ben returned home from his mission to a houseful of family who couldn’t wait to see him.

It took Boogs all of 2.7 hours to shed his suit and find his real skin again. His sisters were the fortunate beneficiaries of his first outing. Unfortunately Wilhelmina (the jeep) had a little trouble. She was rebuilt while Ben was away and needed a few kinks worked out. We were really good at looking at the engine and absolutely useless in figuring out the problem. We still had a great time and decided none of us could remember the last time when just the four of us were together, without any husbands, children or parents.

I am climbing a big mountain in a couple of weeks and my dad made sure I did as much hiking as possible while we were in Utah to get ready. Between dinners, hikes and jeep excursions, I was up one canyon or another every day that week. I decided that I most definitely did not appreciate the wonder or proximity of the cottonwood canyons when I lived in Utah. Nanette and Jeff are climbing the Grand with us and were regular hiking partners.

While I spent a few fancy-free days in SLC, my children enjoyed some solid time with their Grandma and Grandpa Robinson and Uncle Drew. There was bowling, movies, swimming, endless games of Uno and Sorry and trips to the museum. I think it’s safe to say they didn’t miss me any more than I missed them!

Once Dent had joined us in Utah, we packed up and headed to McCall.

Uncle Boogs is good for so many things…

as is Bode. things like squishing and kissing and talking in ridiculous voices. the hunts on the lake.

Bex and Grandpa doing watermelon rolls off the dock.

first water-ski experience… it was a total hit. Beckham would have ridden around the whole lake every time if there weren’t two little girls in the boat waiting patiently for their turn.

exploring old miner’s houses on a jeep trip with Ben.

many hours were spent just like this. my body is just down the dock, splayed out on a towel with my face in a book.

singing while skiing was Seneca’s M.O. and both girlies decided skiing in skirts is the only way to go.

and napping in the boat became regular activity.

heaven bless Gram (maybe?) for indulging and feeding the “princess” in these girls. I’m pretty sure they were never in the cabin long without donning some sort of princess attire. Gram made them new skirts and then presented them with these ridiculous sparkly shoes. Another word about Senny and Tess. They were a pair this trip. They had their hair done the same way. They traded and wore each other’s jammies. They both exhibited over-the-top exuberance for everything… the drama was impressive. It was imperative that they sit by each other for each and every meal. The cousin love was abundant.

wandering down the trail at Brundage.

Dad and I at the bottom, then top of Brundage. Normal people that hike up to the top of the resort most likely take a trail. If you have ever hiked with my dad, you’ll know that bush-whacking is a part of the experience. We got out of site of the rangers at the bottom and then headed straight up. Well, there was weaving, but there was no trail. We navigated streams, fallen trees and thick foliage in our attempt to reach the top of the chair lift. While these excursions can be mildly grueling, he’s good at distracting me with pretty good conversation. I love those times with my dad.

and just in case you thought maybe the water was warm this year… seems there’s a rumor that the reason the Banks girls swear is because they learned to ski in McCall.

this is Andrew. he came with Lindsay. we all love him.

there is photographic proof that all of the other skiers in this family continue to improve, but you know by now that there are about 500 ski pictures and I just can’t do it right now.

Shore Lodge for lunch. mmmmm. fish tacos.

all the crazies I love the most… except for the guy working on the self-timer.

road trip, 2011

2011-07-06T13:55:00.001-07:00

The kiddies and I are off, embarking on Road Trip 2011. I have no idea how many miles we’ll cover, but we’ll hit three states, we’ll camp with cousins, welcome home Uncle Ben, attend an 80th birthday bash, spend endless time with grandparents and escape to McCall, pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist. We’re leaving D here to work very hard until he joins us for McCall week. We have new music, movies, treats and games… I’m pretty sure this is going to be one big party!

my 4th.

2011-07-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

yard clean-up. house clean-up. last-minute errands. food prep. streamers lining the back porch. foil stars on the windows. 115 degrees. zero hesitation about jumping in the pool. 15 children. 10 adults. burgers complete with avocado, bacon and mushrooms. pasta salad. endless watermelon, strawberries and blueberries. grilled corn on the cob. hot dogs. D manning the grill. fizzy drinks. basketball in the pool. wandering adorable toddlers. dads flying down the slide. great conversation. new friends. fire pit by the pool. kids packed around the fire roasting marshmallows. gooey s'mores, sticky faces. wrinkly little swimming feet. sparklers lighting up little faces. catching glimpses of fireworks from the roof. kids collapsing in bed. quick backyard clean-up.

grateful for freedom, my family, friends and parties.

sunday

2011-07-03T19:39:00.001-07:00

today’s lessons centered around desires. we listed things we desire for ourselves and our children. for me it all boiled down to obedience and the holy ghost. my dad has often been heard saying that all blessings stem from obedience. I believe that obedience to the laws of the gospel as well as the laws of the land and rules in the home bring lasting happiness. I also desire for my children to recognize when they feel the spirit and have the opportunity to do so often. if they have the ability to recognize the spirit in their lives, they will have access to direct revelation from their father in heaven regarding all things. loved the thoughts I came away with today.

home teachers came today, or home teacher. he comes and brings one or two daughters with him, whom my children adore. he is a free spirit and an open-minded thinker and we have great discussions. if there was a mold for the kind of person contained in our ward, this brother would be very outside the mold. we love him. we started our discussion with the parable of the talents and moved to the principle of agency. we discussed the idea that one can teach proper principles, offer choices and then let those in his stewardship choose for themselves. this is how our father in heaven parents. this is how great earthly parents parent. this is how denten attempts to work with his clients. he offers potential solutions and choices, and while he may feel one is best, the client must make the choice and live with the outcome. it can be difficult to parent this way as we want our children to make the right choices, but a few wrong ones with natural consequences will teach more than any punishment I could inflict. I am in constant check knowing that the less I interfere in choices being made, the more they will learn on their own.

after time with my book, a nap, and dinner, we played a few games for family night. it is clear when playing ‘simon says’ that there may be legitimate reason behind my children not listening the first time! it also appears that seneca has the best impulse control of our children after playing ‘red light, green light.’

senny and I talked today about a principle amy introduced me to a while ago that the happiest girls are the prettiest girls. while there doesn’t need to be a lot of emphasis on being pretty, it is concept she understands. grumpy, sour-puss girls are not as pretty as happy, friendly girls. our beloved home teacher said today that seneca just has a magic light about her. I agree, and I hope her true happiness and exuberance lasts her lifetime.

seems monsoon season is hitting full force tonight. I must go rescue a few runaway patio cushions. we’ll chalk this up to a pretty good sunday.

saturday.

2011-07-02T21:31:00.001-07:00

floors are clean. bathrooms are clean. well, not mine, but the others. patios and driveways were sprayed off, weeds were taken care of. garbages were emptied. groceries happened. my book and I found a lounge chair by the pool today and embraced the 115 degrees. denten said the pool felt like bath water. I said, finally it’s not cold! we waited while the wicked wind whipped debris into the pool, then we cleaned it and swam again. cooper doesn’t like it when I beat him in races. he does like teaching me new swim drills, though. seneca will only back float with goggles on, although she does not swim with them otherwise. she is lazy at free style but is great at breast stroke arms. beckham does an amazing watermelon roll off the diving board and has strong free style arms. he also can back float all day long. both littles can swim the length of the pool. denten and coop played water basketball. then the others wanted in. I enjoyed my chair again then threw orange chicken in the oven for dinner. outside showers made cleaning up for sunday quick and easy. I escaped to look for frames while D handled bedtime. he’s now finishing hanging the tv on the wall and moving around components. we have a movie to watch but we’ll see if I can stay awake long enough for it to happen. I love saturdays that are full of productivity and play.

The White Girl’s Annual Pilgrimage to Tohatchi

2011-07-01T12:27:00.001-07:00

When we headed to Utah a few weeks ago, Seneca kept asking if we were going to Grandma Bitsilly’s. She was thrilled the time had finally come. She was asleep as we pulled off the main road onto the long, dusty one that leads to Grandma’s property. She woke up on the dirt road and exclaimed, “oh, is this Grandma Bitsilly’s town?!” Not quite a town, but yes. Two whole days of dirt, freedom and treats… they loved it.

Bitsilly children and spouses. Dianna, Denten’s mother is in the purple.

Grandma and some of her posterity

Dancing. Denten and I claimed the prize for the adults… hey, I used to ballroom dance! and D has got moves most of you have never seen. After watching us, Seneca and Beckham decided partnering was the way to go. They were hilarious.

taking advantage of the wind that wouldn’t quit. bubbles and flying kites.

LaShonda and Delphine

Elvis and JR

Seneca holding her own in musical chairs. Rez baseball.

Barrel racing

Cousins Brendan and Olin

The wind was fierce. made me even more grateful we were in a trailer and not a tent. we had dust and dirt EVERYWHERE. D and I escaped to the Gallup flea market Saturday morning and found a beautiful cradleboard. I was excited about our purchase. The fry bread was delicious, the entertainment entertaining and the culture rich and alive.

Bitsilly Family fun run/walk 2011

2011-07-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

This event has become an annual tradition at the reunion in an effort to emphasize staying active and healthy. Aunt Joey is the fun run marshal and has everyone designate whether they will be going one, two or three miles. Some run, some walk, some do a combination of both. There are prizes given in each category later during the family dinner.

Cooper finishing his one-mile run.

Denten, with Elvis trying to catch him. David and Vernel in the background. D is the undefeated three-mile champion. Elvis trains to beat him every year. He was close!

Aunt Delphine and Uncle Leon. Uncle Leon used to be a track star!

Cousins Tanya, Cody and Jordan

Miss Senny, with Beckham coming behind. They were troopers at the two-mile distance! Cousin Bryan was on the rescue-mobile, taking water out to those still on the course.

Uncle J.R. (Guy Bitsilly, Jr.) He claims the mile gets longer every year. Cousin Olin.

Cooper and I went back out to meet the 3-mile walkers and raced to the finish line. He’s fast, but I’ve still got some gas.

Harley, Aunt Joey, Dianna, Marvin

what? I need a tan??

freeze

2011-06-30T12:03:00.001-07:00

I was gone all morning. Came home to happy, hungry children. Fed said children then laid down on the couch. Not feeling too hot this week and need productivity to happen. As I was laying there, I wanted to freeze time. Not stay sick, but for them.

Seneca is wearing a favorite shirt with sparkles and her regular pink flouncy skirt routinely worn inside-out. Her hair is in two ponytails.

Beckham is wearing plaid shorts and a camouflage shirt. He doesn’t match, but he did it all himself and I fully support that.

Cooper is wearing green basketball shorts and his red St. George Ironman shirt. He may or may not have slept in these very clothes last night.

They are playing baseball. The ball is a world globe beach ball. The bat is a noodle sword. Home base is the empty flooring space left from the entertainment center. No one is pitching or hitting well, so the rule is that on the third strike, you RUN! First base is the step at the back of the room. Second is the trampoline and Third is the beanbag. There is a lot of yelling and laughing, not so conducive to resting my head, but oh so good for my heart. They need each other and I think somewhere inside they know that.

Somehow they are both competing against and cheering for each other. Can I just hit some virtual freeze button and keep them this way for a while?

A weekend in the hills

2011-06-30T08:19:00.001-07:00

In June, the Boyd Robinson clan gathered in the hills above Paragonah for a few days. We made the trek north to enjoy fun and family. This is the family we are a part of due to the former Indian Placement Program. This is the Robinson family Denten’s mother went to live with when she was 12 and spent all of her growing-up years with.

Our weekend included: ultimate frisbee. playing on teeter-totters, swings and slides. frisbee golf. riding Uncle Val’s horses. basketball. baseball. water balloons. balloon volleyball. dare base. the infamous Robinson talent show. sleeping all together in one room. a LOT of people in one cabin. fresh air. good food. settlers. chess between Coop and Grandpa Boyd. 100. almost drawing blood playing 100. Book of Mormon chases. music. visiting with cousins. losing my children and not worrying about it. listening to Denten tell Dutch that this is where they are both meant to be.

Grandma Jeanne on the right, singing with all of her sisters.

Most of the posterity of Grandpa Boyd and Grandma Jeanne

This is one fun, fun group of people- totally worth the road trip!

right now.

2011-06-22T19:07:00.001-07:00

My children are in various swimming attire eating slushies on the swings. They are carefree and happy. They have had a full day swimming with friends this morning then swimming at the city pool this evening while Cooper had swim team practice. Coop also had basketball camp today and I am hoping for sound sleepers tonight.

I have been off my game a little. I’ve been committed to laundry, but dinners and much of my to-do list has not been taken care of so far this week. My brain is a busy little place sometimes, to the point of neglecting most that is not top priority. I’ve released a few things and feel a little more myself today.

I started a new book last night that seems promising. I hope it continues to be good as I need distractions these days. We’re off again this weekend, this time to Tohatchi, to eat fry bread and dance with the Natives. Actually we do other things too, but those are my favorite. Mutton stew anyone? Not me, thank you very much.

It’s time to go get these little sun babies in jammies, read and tuck them in for the night. I love my little sun babies. Sometimes I want to crawl right into bed with them. Sometimes I do. Beckham likes me there for a just a minute or so. Seneca always has just one more question. Cooper likes to hear a little story about when he was a baby.

Then you’ll find me and my laundry with a little SYTYCD on the couch. D will swim after work and join me in exhaustion as we settle in for the night. It’s not a bad life. Oh, and my new swimming suit fits. That’s big news. I told Emily today that I’ve hit that stage in life where it matters more that it fits than if it’s cute. Although it’s cute, too. It’s difficult to find a suit that fits a woman with a 32-year-old bottom but 12-year-old breasts. So, success it is.

Now, to lure the littles in from the backyard. Wish me luck.

Glass Castle

2011-06-20T19:43:00.001-07:00

I’d ask if you’ve read it, but chances are I’m the last to do so. Katelyn told me that it was absurd that I had a degree in social work and had not read this book, but when I checked it out last time, I did so amid 7 other books and I couldn’t get through them all before they were due back at the library.

I think I was also hesitant after hearing that it was a good book but was hard to read. I didn’t know if I was up for a dark story, but I loved it. This is an amazing, powerful story and I hope it doesn’t make me morbid to say that I found it entertaining at times. The lifestyle described in this true story is beyond anything I have ever known, thank heavens. I found myself full of admiration for this family at times and the way these siblings stuck together, and then wanted to jump in the page and kick a few people in the fannies on the very next page. I kept thinking to myself, “is this real? do people really live like this?” and the amazing answer is Yes.

If there is any degree of selfishness or ingratitude in your life, Walls’ story will clear that right up. She writes in a way that is easy to read and somehow puts an eloquence in a story that is anything but. I may or may not have spent the entire afternoon today plowing through the second half. It’s that good.

the best.

2011-06-19T20:11:00.001-07:00

I have the best dad a girl could ask for.

I married the best dad I could ask for for my children.

Just so happens he got just the right one for him.

I am not good at Father’s Day, but hopefully they know that I love them all to pieces.

good things on a saturday.

2011-06-18T20:15:00.001-07:00

purging my closet. filling bags to be donated and organizing the rest.

climbing the high school bleachers in 90 degree heat.

fresh basil on my tomato sandwich.

grocery shopping all by myself.

having all of the walls in my family room the same color.

crepes filled with nutella and strawberries.

cooper and dent night swimming.

having a pool vacuum that works properly.

having a rental property pool that works properly.

having more peace of mind than I have had the past few days.

suby’s A/C working properly.

good music.

clean sheets.

fix you.

2011-06-15T18:52:00.001-07:00

peaceful. and healing.

shaking it off

2011-06-15T15:47:00.001-07:00

I have been in a funk of sorts, despairing at all the crummy news around me. We had a great weekend away with family, good, uplifting, outdoor fun and then returned home to learn about both Callahan’s accident and the incident below. Perhaps the last days are upon us, or perhaps this is simply reality that I choose to turn away from in my sheltered, comfortable life, but either way the darkness takes it’s toll on me. As I’ve talked with a few family members about how to help in certain dark situations, the advice has been that a hand-written note is more meaningful than a text or email and that sometimes our role is simply to mourn with those who mourn. It’s a bit of a helpless position, but I believe in the role of the Comforter and know that He is powerful and in control.

I also have been consumed with a little impatience as we feel ready for another child in our family and haven’t felt any action or movement toward that end from those helping us in our endeavors. It is a situation that is a balance between doing all we can and still knowing that it will happen in it’s own time as it always has. I am anxious and ready and not great at being patient, but we are moving forward in other arenas to enhance our chances of this happening quicker and I must believe that Heaven hears my fervent prayers and will answer as He always has.

In the meantime, I have little ones here in my charge. Ones I want to protect from the ugly out there, ones that are innocent and completely satisfied with swimming and playing outside with each other. Ones that are working on their reading and writing and are spending a lot of time with each other these days. Ones that I hold a little tighter and love a little more and pray that the darkness that exists out there never touches them.

And Denten is trying to distract me with the possibility of this:

I mean, seriously. Look at this face.

I talked with the kids this week about the possibility of a dog in our family. They were excited but listened awfully closely as I told them that part of taking care of a dog meant cleaning up their “mess” outside when they go to the bathroom. I told them what they would need to do. Beckham thinks he can handle the job with a plastic bag over his hand. Cooper will promptly invest in a shovel and Seneca said she will be happy to help if she can have pink gloves, please. I am not fully ready to commit to this yet, but I think Denten is, so I’m trying to be open to the idea.

So, Heaven, I’m ok with only good news for a while. And if sending a babe my way is included in that, I’m ready and waiting. Love, Me.

* mom and shellie: you are welcome to comment on any portion of this post excluding the part about a dog. I know your feelings and they have been taken under advisement.

a heavy heart

2011-06-15T09:04:00.001-07:00

Blessings

This one got me today. (thanks ashlee)

We came home from being out of town to learn that a disturbing incident had occurred Saturday night too close to home while we were gone. It bothered me to be reminded that while I feel we live in a relatively safe area, the real world is still right around the corner. I shook it off and moved on, until yesterday when I learned that the victim was a dear friend of mine. That shook my world right up. I was sick about it, nothing felt right. I don’t believe anyone deserves to go through something like that, but it was especially hard that it was her, a sweet, strong woman with a family just like mine. She serves in the Young Women’s organization in her ward, goes to the gym with me and swaps kids with me during our older kids’ music class. She was found very close to home- it was all just a little too much for me. She is home and recovering, her husband is wonderful to manage the kids and take care of her. While things could have been worse, the fact that it happened at all has been haunting me. The range of emotions she must be feeling is beyond me and yet I know that she has a peace with her, a sense that everything will be ok, despite an unresolved investigation. I’m not sure how people get through things like this without a knowledge of a greater picture, without the peace that Christ’s atonement brings. I’m grateful she has that, and as selfish as it sounds, I’m grateful I do too because while this didn’t happen to me, I have needed a healing balm as well.

I don’t mean to make any direct correlations between A’s incident and this song. I can’t assume that she has to go through this to achieve anything in particular. I suppose it’s my overly emotional current state that made me sensitive to this song, but I thought it was beautiful.

2011-06-14T09:18:00.001-07:00

I help with the reading. The fashion sense is all her own. right down to the silly bandz climbing her arms.

and there’s a sneak peek of the new sofa.

robinson reunion recap coming soon.

beckham’s prayers

2011-06-08T19:17:00.001-07:00

Please bless we can go on a trip with our toothbrushes and toothpaste.

Please bless we can get cold yogurt with Elsie and go to the park. (we got frozen yogurt last week, followed by the park and apparently it left an impression)

Please bless Joseph Smith can get out of the trap. (from FHE a while ago, we talked about Joseph being in jail)

Please bless we can go to the snow with Grandpa and Lindsay. (little does he know that is not where we’re headed tomorrow)

Please bless we can be nice to each other.

roadtrip or jet?

2011-06-08T17:16:00.001-07:00

laundry is one load away from being done. kids are packed, I haven’t started. heading to utah for a quick long weekend, hope I don’t freeze. it’s not even supposed to reach 80 degrees. it’s june, for heaven’s sake, there is a problem with that. thankfully dutch’s dvd player is working properly for the time being and the library supplied us with new books and movies for the road. as much as I dread long car trips, I actually love that time with Denten. when else in my life do I get hours of time next to him to talk about whatever I want? never. that may be why he dreads them, seeing as he gets an earful of all the things I’ve had on my mind for the past month and a half. perhaps someday there will be a private jet in my life and we can just hop on and be where we need to be in a jiffy. that will be awesome. and now for that last laundry change.

balance. it's tricky.

2011-06-07T16:49:00.001-07:00

get dressed and breakfast, leave the house at 8:00 for the gym. get home at 9:45, in time to change and head to swim with friends. home at noon to grab lunch and take seneca to birthday party at 1:00. beckham naps, cooper reads and does math games, I go get the senny. coop and I play chess while the littles color. coop is off to swim team. get dinner ready, get the coopster, eat, read and run to bed. these are fun summer days, but we are not being nearly as productive as we need to be in regards to staying up with our learning activities. learning best happens in the morning, but that's also the easiest time for me to be at the gym. I think my sacrifice is leaning the wrong way and the schedule needs to adjust a bit. balance... it seems when it's finally found, it doesn't last long. it's something we're constantly striving for around here.