love, logic and catching the spirit

Friday I took advantage of an opportunity to attend a Love and Logic seminar presented by Jim Fay here in Phoenix. I was introduced to Love and Logic parenting a while ago and while I agreed with the concepts and pinciples, I have stuggled a bit with both implementation and consistency. Looking forward a few months, I can see my hands pretty occupied with two babies and would love to know that when I speak to Cooper, that he hears me, and perhaps might even respond appropriately. I know this to be possible; I also know that the reason it doesn't happen quite yet is because of the way I occasionally deliver my messages. Cooper, perhaps like many children, responds according to how he is addressed. When my frustration is apparent to him, he reacts to it and the situation quickly becomes less than desireable. When I deliver instructions in a calm and pleasant manner, amazingly he is a calm and pleasant little boy.

I have a weakness. Shocking, I know. That is that I tend to talk to much. Again, I know you're flabbergasted. I am easily sucked into thinking I can reason and explain things to a child and somehow be perfectly understood. This works occasionally when we are both in a calm and rational frame of mind, but trying to rationalize with a little boy who is either already upset, or has a one-track zone going on is simply not productive. Getting back to that other issue I struggle with, control, means that I would love to jump in and prevent mistakes from being made and assist in everything going smoothly. What I have been reminded of this week is that when I allow him to make his own mistakes and own his own problems, he learns much quicker than from receiving a lot of blah blah blah from his mother. It has been amazing to hand a problem back to him and watch him solve it- he's smarter than either of us have given him credit for and his self-confidence grows as he figures out something himself. There will be a few tough lessons along the way, I'm sure, but the fact is that if I allow them to be his lessons, then they will be internalized and remembered and that's the valuable part of being a parent. I think the reason this resonates with me is that this is how our Heavenly Father teaches us. We make mistakes and we learn from them- he had the option of implementing a plan where we were forced to make the right choice all the time, but he knew that wasn't how we would learn. I'd rather have Cooper make mistakes now when the consequences are less significant than when he is older and the results of his actions have a much larger impact.

On another note, I am finally catching the Christmas spirit. I always look forward to this time of year, yet always feel overwhelmed by it as well. It took a few days to work up the motivation to get Autumn put away and pull Christmas out of the closet, but it was so fun to have Cooper help me unpack all the decorations and see him get so excited over everything. The thing that finally did it, however, was getting our tree yesterday. We are real Christmas tree people. I have considered changing that every year, but we haven't caved yet. I remembered yesterday why. It's the smell. It's a smell that can not be duplicated and I love it. It is Christmas time, like it or not, when your living room smells like a fresh noble fir tree. Getting Christmas cards worked out and choosing appropriate gifts for everyone are activities that seem much more bearable, even enjoyable once you jump into the swing of things. I just may need a reminder now and then to keep this season simple as to not lose the magic that makes this time so special.