Reflection

A few discussions I have been privileged to be a part of lately have me thinking. The question I'm curious about is: at what point in my life did my opinion on social and political issues begin to veer in such a different direction than my local peers? I say local because this is the first time I've noticed it so distinctly.

I grew up in a home in where I was encouraged to think for myself, a place where I was free to question the reason behind a belief and where it was ok for me to form my own opinions. I don't know that I appreciated that when I was growing up. During my undergraduate studies I had a couple of wonderfully progressive and liberal professors that made it clear their intention was to challenge my beliefs. Seeing that was the first time I had really had to evaluate what I believe and how I see the world, I took pause to reexamine my positions on certain issues and wonder if the way I thought was gleaned from my parent's perspective, or if the opinion was my own. I think that some of the views I possessed at the time came from the fact that I was raised and attended school in a very conservative atmosphere and was never presented first-hand with very tough issues. The choices I made next in my life would give me these very opportunities.

The two things that I believe opened my mind further were first, marrying the man I did and second, making the move from Cedar City, Utah to Manhattan. Immediately I was aware, and a part of, racial and ethnic issues that hadn't ever been present in my life previously; I was attending school and working with people who weren't like me- meaning, they either weren't Caucasian, middle-class, heterosexual, Christian or conservative. I found the experience completely liberating and enjoyed most of all the mind-expanding conversations that Denten and I shared in this new open-minded society.

The school I attended as a whole presented wonderful new cultures, but specifically the topic of study I had chosen brought me face to face with new overwhelming experiences that required me to dig deep within me to find out how I was to react to them. Turning and running crossed my mind more than once being a solution as to how to avoid the uncomfortable that comes with new growing experiences, but enduring and eventually living them must have changed my core as I see that the profound beliefs I have acquired are sometimes significantly different than those I am often surrounded by.

I wondered if the difference was being a member of the church, but have come to the conclusion that that's not it. Denten and I have both seen a striking difference between the opinions and the level of judgement in the members of the church we call friends here in Phoenix as opposed to those we associated with in New York. Both groups value the gospel in their lives and protecting the sanctity of the family, yet go about living these beliefs very differently. After a discussion in Sunday School recently regarding charity, we wondered how exactly the judgement that we as a society claim to leave up to the Lord, yet clearly practice on each other regularly, fit together with the boundless charity we also claim. To love all men, yet not respect their rights equally; to mock a decal found on a car expressing a different lifestyle than our own, yet teaching our children that Jesus loved and treated everyone fairly and we should be doing the same; to serve others in our community as long as their physical appearance or language isn't different from our own.

I also wondered if the open-minded frame of mind I valued in my friends in New York came from the fact that by nature that place is incredibly diverse in all aspects of the word. The thing is, however, so is Phoenix! I can understand that a person who has been confined to a small town comprised only of white, christian, heterosexual individuals may not be aware of cultural issues outside of their own society, but in a city of this size and population, the awareness can not go unnoticed. It is the acceptance that is missing and I'm not quite sure why.

I suppose what it boils down to is this: Denten and I want our children to have a wonderful foundation in the gospel and an undeniable testimony of their Savior, and we want them to live as he did: open to all peoples and cultures this amazing world provides. I don't want to appear naive and say that there aren't dangers out there to be aware of, but within the walls of our home, criticizing the way another individual lives is not ok. I want them to serve with a happy heart and have that grow from the often obligatory reasons to a true desire to develop sincere relationships.

I feel the need to make it clear that I don't intend to discredit any particular group of people or the way they choose to live, and I don't claim to be free of judgement myself. I have been very blessed to continually be surrounded by true and loyal friends- friendship is something that I highly value and recognize that while there may be significant differences in opinion, there are also enough similarities upon which to have built a relationship. I'm not sure why Denten and I differ so much from others around us in the opinions we have about certain issues, and I suppose it really doesn't matter, but it has made for some interesting conversation recently in our home- and I'm always up for a great conversation!

All things shall have order

So I've been holed up in my house as much as possible lately in my "not suitable for going out" clothes in order to get through my endless list of projects that for some reason have suddenly become much more important as of late. This is simply to prove to the world (and to the those of you who have wondered if I have given up on getting dressed at all) that I have not actually been sitting on my couch eating bon bons (although almond joys have been involved). This is one of my newly organized file drawers... all purged, sorted, organized, color-coded and labeled. Ah, heaven bless you if you appreciate this order as much as I do, and for those of you completely content in your chaos... more power to ya- I just can't do it anymore!

 

FHE: Pumpkin Carving

Cooper had been planning the scary face he wanted on his pumpkin all day and couldn't wait for dad to get home. He was not up for reaching his hand into the pumpkin to scoop out the goop... "too yucky."



Our master carver



The final product, Cooper was very pleased!

The festivities begin...

This weekend brought the beginning of the autumn get-togethers that will be fairly consistent from now until the end of the year. It's party season!

Cooper finally got to don his Halloween costume Friday evening for our ward party and while you'll have to wait for photos, rest assured he's so stinking cute I can hardly stand it. I finally quit trying to control the costume situation and eased up my not-so-subtle influence and let the child make his own decision. The choice didn't thrill me, but the end result is pretty darn adorable. I also ordered a costume for Seneca, but decided it was ugly and not worth the money I spent, so it's been returned and little Senny is blest to have a lovely auntie who sends her cute things to wear instead. Again, pics to come...
The Halloween party was fun, but a bit overwhelming for Cooper. He enjoyed decorating his cookie and the cupcake walk, but most of the games were either overrun by the bigger kids or just a little too scary. He was not a fan of the haunted house.

Saturday it was my turn to host our Gourmet Group. In short, 12 incredible women who have taken turns, in partnerships, hosting a fabulous meal throughout the year gathered at my home to enjoy each other's company and my partner and my humble offerings. I'm fairly pleased with the autumnal decor and atmosphere as well as the harvest-themed menu we presented. There are a few things I'd do differently, but the conversation was positive and I hope our guests left uplifted and grateful that the topics discussed were different from the standard topics that are routinely discussed among this group of friends. The event presented the opportunity to try a few new recipes in preparation for the evening as well as use my new birthday dishes (thanks mom). It wasn't the major stressful event I anticipated, but instead was quietly satisfying and has me looking forward to an opportunity to improve upon the night.
Our menu is below, please email me if you'd like any of the following recipes.

Gourmet Club
October 2007


Apple Pie Cider

Baked Brie with Apples & Cranberries

Proscuitto, Pear and Feta Panini

Sun-Dried Tomato Dip

Decomposed Salad with Balsamic Dressing

Roasted Vegetable Soup

Cheese Tortellini & Butternut Squash with Brown Butter Sage Sauce and Prosciutto

Butterscotch-Topped Gingerbread with Sautéed Apples

Ginger Pineapple Sparkling Beverage

Tagged!

Thanks a million Kim! The rules are to post 6 items about yourself (habits, traits, deep dark secrets, etc.) on your blog, then tag 6 more people to do the same. This is the most generic tag I've seen, I like when they give me a little more structure around which to respond- this one is wide open!

1. I am currently eating Cracklin' Oat Bran, which is the only cereal I have consistently liked for the past 10 years. I probably keep them in business seeing as Cooper now joins me for a bowl a few times a week. He calls it "oval cereal." There are ovals inside the rectangles... the things you learn when you know your shapes!

2. I am currently in a state of active dejunking and reorganization in my home. I don't know if it's autumn or pregnancy that's spurring the quest, but so far my kitchen and my loft/office space have gotten a complete overhaul. It's fantastic to see the "donate to charity" pile grow and the recycling bin fill up and to see my cupboards, shelves and living spaces present themselves as emaculate.

3. My hair is presently as long as I think it has ever been. I have always wanted to have long hair and always envied those who did, but my priorities are such right now that while it is clean, it is not always done... I suppose the benefit is that it's easy to pull back. Note to self: schedule a trim before Chicago.

4. I am a person who strives for balance, that is to say that I love a party. I love to be with friends and family, I thoroughly enjoy a great stimulating conversation and I love to be where the action is. The the other hand, I savor the quiet moments of my day. I look forward to the hour of quiet time I have carved out for myself each morning before my home starts waking up for the day. I also am one of the world's greatest proponents of the nap. Having my children quiet at the same time each day gives us all time to regroup- time to sleep or to accomplish projects that are more productive without children around... priceless time that I intend to have last for a very long while.

5. I never doubted the fact that I was eventually going to be a mother. My patriarchal blessing indicated that would be a major part of my life and I knew it was so. There was a time, however, I wondered how it was all going to happen. Three children in about three years has pretty much answered that one. My experience in growing my family has taught me many things, mostly that there is a plan out there for all of us and Heavenly Father will unfold it to us as it needs to be. I have had my testimony of faith, patience and miracles strengthened incredibly. While my children (well, mostly one of them) drive me a bit crazy sometimes, I have a hard time with people who don't value and understand what a blessing it is to be able to be a parent. An awesome, overwhelming responsibility, but an amazing privilege as well.

6. I made a pretty dang good choice in the man I chose to spend my life with. We were discussing the other day how while my parents questioned whether I personally was ready to get married, they never once wondered whether Denten was right for me. They could see immediately the kind of man he was, that he was ambitions and faithful, that he balanced the parts of me that needed it and that we had the potential to make each other better and lift each other up to higher ground continually. I'm glad that their observations have proved correct and that while an occasional taxidermied head throws me off kilter once in a while, this man keeps me grounded, and I hope I provide the same for him.

Well, there you go, from my breakfast cereal to the guy I share my bed with- what a combo! I choose to tag: harker, karen, alicia, jackie, maren and raynie. Have at it girls!

My kids are funny today

COOPER:

We have been missing a throw pillow that belongs on our couch. We only have four, they are decent size, you'd think they'd be fairly difficult to misplace. I finally asked Cooper if he knew where the pillow was.
"The man took it."
the man? what man?
"That ice cream man."
the ice cream man took our pillow??
"yeah."
where did he put it?
no response. conversation over.

WHAT?? I have no idea who he is referring to as he doesn't even know an 'ice cream man,' well, as far as I know...

SENECA:

Do you think her new exersaucer provides enough stimulation?? Geez!

 

24 Weeks

That's six months for those of you who don't count weeks...

This first picture is courtesy of photographer Cooper.



Denten said my shirt hid my tummy, so we tried this one:



I'm to the point that I think people can finally tell I'm pregnant, not just chubby. I'm definately to the point that regular pants are not cutting it anymore, we've jumped to the collection I had stashed away of larger sizes, all of which are very out of date- just when I find some comfortable pants, Denten gives me a look that says, "are your really going to wear those?" I suppose it's about time for maternity, just didn't want to have to go there yet!

Thanks for all of your support this week regarding my patience issue. It was nice to know that when mine runs thin, I'm not alone. It was a rough week, but I've had some things realigned and we're back on track. I've also got some home organization projects in the works, last night I tackled "that" cabinet in my kitchen- you know the one... the spot where clutter accumulates faster than I can keep up with it. It was much less intimidating than I had anticipated and now I open it with such satisfaction and determination to keep it organized! Sorry I don't have a "before" picture, I'll have to remember to do that with my future endeavors. There is something about a pristinely organized space that brings me more peace than it probably should. I'm on a roll, people- wish me luck!

Patience please??

Does anyone else have to dig deep, I mean really deep, sometimes to make it to the end of the day? Sometimes I feel I have an internal timer and when 5:30 p.m. hits, my patience says, "ok, I'm done for the day, good-bye!" leaving me all alone and gritting my teeth hoping that we all survive the next two hours. I know, I need to reset my timer and my thinking, but good grief- tell me I'm not alone people! Breathe, Amberly, breathe.

A quiet morning

Little Seneca has been waking up about an hour and a half earlier than she needs to eat in the mornings, which I have let be frustrating the last while, but today I decided to embrace it. I figured as long as I was going to lay in bed awake, I might as well be up getting something done. She started fussing this morning and after checking on her, I took my new Book of Mormon study materials and my new notebook journaling how I see the hand of the Lord in my life downstairs and settled in. Of course Senny went right back to sleep today and I could have stayed in bed, but I'm so glad I had that peaceful time to myself today.

After Elder Eyring's conference talk in the Sunday morning session, I have been recording one thing each day that manifests that I know the hand of the Lord is in my life. Sometimes it's very simple, but I want my children to know that I am aware of the blessings our Father in Heaven gives us on a daily basis. It is also a good reminder for me to look for these times when Heaven is present and I normally don't notice. We had a unique experience with Seneca while in San Diego with a friend of DaNae's that went hand in hand with some of the things I've been learning about energy work and the negative stuff we hold onto without even knowing it. It is a bit confusing and personal to detail, but in short, we were able to witness Seneca simulating her birth experience and release the tensions she was holding onto. We also had it confirmed by one who can see her energy flow very clearly that she exudes an exceptional amount of positive light, which we all have felt deeply since she joined us. I needed a few quiet moments to document the experience and the feelings I had while witnessing it.

I also needed a few minutes to dive into my new Book of Mormon study guide that was recommended a while ago by Amy on her blog. Last night for family night we had a sweet moment as Denten explained to Cooper what the Book of Mormon is and that it is different from all of his other books. He explained that it came from our Heavenly Father and is about our Savior. We read to Cooper from a children's scripture book each night, but I feel that I needed a recommitment to my personal study, both for myself and for my family. While I often fight getting out of bed in the morning, I have a peace and determination about me when I take that time for myself. Here's to more children sleeping in in the morning!

Legoland

Legoland California: good
Legoland with cousins and grandparents: super
Throw in happy kids and fabulous weather: what more could we have asked for??





A huge thanks to DaNae and Winston for making us feel so welcome in their beautiful home. The kids both had a wonderful time enjoying their cousins- Cooper misses cousin Landon and Jace and I miss Cheyanne watching over Seneca! It was too quick, but fun to visit with everyone. The only thing missing was Drew!

Five for Friday

1. A night out with good girlfriends always takes more planning and emotional energy than it should, but is usually worth it. My evening last night was later than expected, but much more fulfilling as well. I value that my friends are thinkers and doers and that improving ourselves is just as important as sustaining and supporting those around us. Thanks to the ladies for mind-stimulating conversation and a reminder that while the daily life may seem mundane, it has more to offer than I normally choose to take part in.

2. Uninterrupted time at home should never be underestimated. Sometimes it's ok that organized activies are missed when the result is major progress on home projects that have been on my list for a week, and the motivation finally showed up. My loft/office space is finally coming together- still needs some attention, but much progress was made this week- an organized space means a happy mom!

3. Catching up with old friends: great. Being reminded in the process of the beauty in the world I'm missing out on: not so great. Our dear friend Katie was here this week- she is a PLSI and law school friend and seeing her and having her catch up on our little family was wonderful. The meeting happened at the Gila River Resort and getting there was completely depressing to me. The resort is great, very nice, but the land it occupies is desolate- no trees, lots of ugly, colorless brush- and you wonder why the white man turned it over to the indians? I'll keep my ranting at bay for now.

4. Harvest Holiday or whatever this silly week off of school is did enable a fun trip to the zoo with fun friends, but having Cooper back at preschool next week is something we're both looking forward to. I just don't have the same knack for stimulating his little brain as others do and while I've been hearing the letter sounds all week, it will be nice to return to normal activity.

5. But before we return to normal, we're off to San Diego for the weekend- as soon as dad gets home. The bags are packed, the kids are napping, the house pretty darn clean and we're ready to go. We're spending tomorrow at Legoland with Coop and Senny's cousins and considering amusement parks have little to offer a 4-month old child or a 5-month old fetus, I have a feeling Seneca and I will be spending a good amount of quality time hanging out together, which I don't mind at all! We'll leave it to Dent to keep up with Cooper, who has had his Legoland map out today reminding me of all the favorite attractions... wish us luck and have a fabulous weekend.

My thoughts

Thanks to all of you who either in comment or spirit have sent positive messages my way regarding our possible adoption delay. I have completely felt uplifted by your energy and appreciate the reassuring thoughts. Things are looking much better this week. Between me changing my thought pattern and Denten doing loads of research, I think we're back on track.

I have been strengthened in my belief lately, through both conference and my own research and experimentation that it is completely true that the energy flows where my attention goes. If I am focused on the negative things happening to me, those thoughts continue to be manifested by those events continuing to occur, but when I am vigilant about putting positive thoughts out there, I am able to attract those things to me. Between this miraculous pregnancy, the vehicle I'm driving, and the events unfolding in my family I am convinced that if I am specific in what and how I ask for the things I desire, the right people will fall into place to make them happen. The challenge is to stay in this mindset because while it's natural, it's not completely familiar, but I'm working on it! I'm learning a lot on this subject right now and while I still have a lot to understand and process, I appreciate the positive light it has brought to my life lately.

Happy Birthday Cooper!

We celebrated Cooper's third birthday this weekend with a trip to the new community fire station. We got there just in time to see the helicopter take off, check out the fire engines, command center and have lunch. After fabulous presents from his grandparents and mom and dad, we enjoyed Alicia and Ethan at their semi-annual Priesthood pizza party. Sunday Coop had a few friends over for cupcakes. Seneca seemed to enjoy the festivities- it was a super birthday!

 

 

 

 

Highs and lows

Without sharing tons of details, I just wanted to document that the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction have come to fruition in my life, much quicker than I anticipated. I spent some time this week outlining a few things I needed changed around here and was incredibly surprised when one of the more temporal issues, but an important one to me, was solved Wednesday night. I had written out my desire in detail and had dated it Jan. 1 2008 giving the powers that be some time to pull it together for me. Well, they listened and I can check that one off my list and move on!

On the other hand, I was hit with crummy news today- simply that there may be a delay with finalizing Seneca's adoption and even though I have been on such a high lately, this totally crushed me. I can't explain why I was so upset and emotional about it, but it really made me upset. I really believe that things can come together if I can get in the right frame of mind, but I feel totally deflated. There aren't any major problems, just a delay, and I know in the long run, things will be fine, but for some reason this completely threw me today. I'll refocus and get back on track... just needed to get it out there.

You know live in South Phoenix when...

1. You pull over for the stream of policemen to pass you, only to follow them into your own neighborhood and have to detour to your street so the cops can try to catch whatever lovely human is attempting to evade them.

2. You wake up at 2:30 a.m. because the police helicoptor circling has circled one too many times and you're just curious if whatever lovely they are searching for is hanging out in your back yard.

3. The entire southeast block of your neighborhood is barricaded with police tape all morning for who knows what reason and while all of the emergency vehicles happen to be facinating to your three-year-old, the place we call "home" is just two streets away. hmmm.

4. Your more "upstanding" neighbors are hesitant to place holiday decorations outside of their home in fear of vandalism or theft.

5. Your children have learned to greet the majority of your neighbors in a language other than his own (this one isn't so bad).

Ah, this is where we currently call home- silly that when I lived south of Harlem I felt safer. Naivety has it's upsides people!

Seneca, 4 months

How could you not love this child? She has captured all of us and we love her like crazy.

New Beginnings

It's now October, a brand-new month: new dinner ideas, new money in the budget, new fall parties to plan... and a bit of a new me. I'm now officially another year older, and while it's not a significant one to the world, it's one that is demanding a few significant changes from me. I'm 29 and by the time this one is over for me I will have three children. Again, not so startling to the universe, but to me, kind of a big deal- especially considering a year ago today I was preparing to undergo IVF for the fourth time in an attempt to get number 2 here. What a year!

Anyway, back to my point... I just feel like that I've needed a revamp lately. I'm finally free of the business that I was allowing to be a burden and somewhat available to do all of the things I was missing. I don't have excuses not be bettering myself, my children and my family I have made a few personal resolutions to that end.

I have reworked my daily affirmations and recommitted myself to the positive. I have hopes of taking better care of myself, my home and my family and to dream a little bigger, because I can. I think I have hesitated asking for too much feeling that it wasn't realistic, but I have learned recently that really I am capable of anything and shouldn't hold back. Our Father in Heaven and my personal angels are waiting to bless me and to help me bless others if I will simply ask and live in a manner that allows their influence in my life.

I choose to be more in tune with the spirit and to let myself prosper spiritually, financially and in my daily tasks as I continue to rework the person I'm still trying to become. As much as I thought perhaps life would have settled down into a predictable pattern by now, there are still significant unknowns and they have a tendency to be pretty overwhelming if I forget that we are being guided and that we have a prominent role in determining the outcome, or at least the next step. So with this first post of my 29th year, when I have a choice, I choose to believe.