Saturday, June 14, 2008


A little twist on grateful, the book I'm reading as I lounge around has posed a challenge to expect beauty. It suggests that there is always something beautiful to be experienced wherever you are. As I have pondered on this today, these are a few of my immediate thoughts.

- This one may be simple, but there is beauty in quality sheets. My mom gave me a set of bedsheets for Christmas and they are the finest I have owned. Not only are they pretty (they are chocolate brown with small satin polka-dots), they are soft and easy to curl up in. It makes laying around all day rather pleasant.

- There is beauty in the sounds of my children. While sometimes I wish I could escape all together, the floor plan of my home allows me to hide, but still hear. With both Rachel and Denten, I have been able to float in and out of sleep to the beautiful sounds of laughter, jibber-jabber and sweet baby coos. Rachel must have been tickling Cooper yesterday as he was laughing so hard. It wasn't quiet, but if it's going to be loud in my home, that is the sound I would choose. Seneca's giggle-gaggle chatter is becoming more assertive, as if she's really serious about whatever she's jabbering about. She's also developed a pterodactyl-like squawk that I could do without, but senny in herself is pure beauty so I can live with it. Beckham is making more vocal attempts at interacting with his siblings and it's fun to hear his little sweet sounds in the mix. He'll smile and coo and those precious sounds are beautiful to me.

- There is beauty in truth, even if the truth being discussed isn't easy. I engaged in a very honest conversation with a dear friend this week and while the subject matter slipped from easy and positive things to the truths and realities of her world, I appreciated the beauty in her candor and the aching honesty she was able to share. As I have had time to reflect on her situation, I find beauty in her and in what she offers those around her. She is someone I could describe as light; as joy and at the same time she is honest and holds no pretenses, at least with me. I find beauty in honest, true friends and know that the ache in her heart will heal.

- There is beauty in the way our bodies function. Heavenly Father wasn't messing around when he put together these beings of muscle, blood and bones. They are miraculous to me. There is beauty in the way we are able to move and take care of those around us. Lindsay, Dad, Denten, David and Rachel all have aches and pains right now, but isn't it amazing to know that those won't last forever? Our bodies have the beautiful power to heal themselves, to recreate the cells that are damaged and be completely whole again. As my physical body heals from recent events, I am grateful for the wholeness that awaits.

- There is beauty in serenity. As I said good-bye to Shellie at the hospital and entered the pre-op area alone, I felt peace knowing that I could lay and be calm and not worry that anyone was being inconvenienced any more than necessary by waiting for me. As the nurses kept asking if anyone was there with me and I said no, I didn't feel bad once. I found calm in the fact that my dr. would take perfectly good care of me and then I could go home. I didn't have to think about anyone waiting in an uncomfortable waiting room chair, surrounded by people they had no desire to be with for hours. I didn't have to feel like I had to hurry. I could just be.

- There is beauty in simplicity. My dr. was simple, direct and kind and I am grateful that I felt a connection with her. I am grateful it was easy to talk to her about what was happening, that my questions were answered easily and honestly and that she seemed to know just what I needed. She and I both felt uncomfortable with the anesthesiologist that came to introduce himself, so she quietly went to make a switch and the replacement was great. She reminded me of Diane- she had cool funky glasses like Di had, probably still has. She was simply beautiful without any makeup just like Diane and had unaltered, shiny dark hair. I was grateful that she was the one taking care of me, she felt like a friend and I had no hesitations or fears about the procedure.

- There is beauty in service. Jackie jumped in to take care of swimming lessons so Coop wouldn't have to miss his last day, Shellie brought food this week, took me to and from the hospital, picked up prescriptions and acted as a sounding board. Rachel dropped her life to stay with my children and was sent directly from heaven. I was more hesitant about them and leaving them for someone else than I was about myself and she just took over like a pro. It is a blessing that she has had some time in the last while to get to know my children and their schedules. She took over this house easily and I didn't worry about these kids at all. When I came home late, she stayed in the guest room so I could rest in the morning. She stayed until Denten got home Friday and when she left, there was homemade chili and rolls for dinner. An angel, really. I thought it would be awkward to have someone in my home taking care of my children while I laid in bed, but she serves without even thinking about it, and even seemed to enjoy it. I'm grateful my children enjoy her. There are so many who have been helpful this past week through food, phone calls and thoughts, thank you.

- There is beauty in Havasupai. I am tempted to share pictures, but will wait until Denten has gone through and picked his favorites. I'm so grateful he was able to go. It exceeded all of his expectations and he is anxious to return.

What do you find beauty in as you look around at your life right now?


Susanna said...

I'm glad you're back, and I'm glad that there are so many good people close by to take good care of you. Know that there are lots far away praying for you.

I find beauty in the ups and downs of life. In the perfection of opposition and in the ability to stand back and recognize it when the ride is a little less turbulent.

Crosland's said...

I haven't checked your blog in some time and I feel so out of it. I think that you are amazing what you are able to handle. Hang in there I'll be thinking about you.

Deanna said...

It seems like you have been experiencing a lot lately. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. Miscarriages are difficult in many ways. It sounds like you are handling it with such great spirit and faith. Try to get some rest.

I love your blog so if you do decide to go private I hope you will include me.

Sandi said...

There is beauty in personal inspiration. Thank you for the reminder to look for it.

tenacious d said...

I'm glad that the anesthesiologist reminded you of me, and it was a positive. It always helps to be able to see your guardian angel.

Thanks for the reminder to look for the beauty all around. As you saw from watching The Open, it's in such abundance here. The abundance sometimes makes it all seem like background.

Kari Ann said...

Thank you for choosing to see the beautiful rather than the scarey, or over-whelming.

I find beauty in the trees that have been on this earth for hundreds of years longer than I have. I like to imagine the secrets they have shared with the people that have walked by before me, and the scenes they have witnessed over the decades.