If I've had this conversation with you recently, you may feel free to continue down your blog roll. I've had a few occasions lately to wonder how much of the reason our children are the way they are is nature vs. nurture. After receiving an email update from Seneca's birth mother a while ago, I wondered what this little girl would be like if she was growing up in another environment, specifically the one she was born into. Would she be as uninhibitedly happy? Would she be the great sleeper and eater that she is? Would she exhibit this fiery stubborn streak and fierce independence? Would she squeal in pure delight every time she sees her daddy and run with glee for her brothers?
Are these things innate in her or are they things she has learned from living in our home? Does she purse her lips together and glare when she doesn't get her way because she learned that or is that the natural response that would be displayed regardless of her environment? Does she clap her hands and sing and dance when she hears music because she's got her own rhythm beating inside of her or is that because of her older brother's influence?
I guess I never had reason to wonder these things with Cooper. I figured he was part of me and therefore sometimes acted like me. But is it because he has my DNA or because he sees me model specific behaviors? Is Bex mellow and easy-going because he has his dad running through his blood or is it because his place in our family requires a little patience and go-with-the-flow attitude?
I am certain that Seneca is in the best place for her, but it makes the feeling of responsibility that much greater in that I don't want to mess up. I want to be sure we do it right and while D would never regret her decision to place Senny in our home, I don't want there to ever be reason to. I want my children to have the opportunities they each need to learn in the way that is best for them. I'm still learning what those are and that they are different with each of them. I think this is the case whether children are growing up in their biological environment or not; each learns in a unique way and responds differently to certain experiences.
As I watch Seneca develop and grow, her little personality becomes more apparent and while she may be the same little girl if she lived somewhere else, I just can't see it. I guess that's because she belongs here with us. She is still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I suppose that's every mother's opinion, but she's something special in our home. She is capable of such amazing things and I fight away emotion wondering what she is going to face in her life. She has the capacity to make an enormous difference in this world and I'm grateful for the opportunity to watch it happen.
As I write, she is playing out the window with her brother. She is laughing and running and when she trips, she gets up, brushes it off and runs to catch up. She is vocal in both her pleasure and her disappointments. She is persistent and carefree at the same time. Someday I'll have the chance to get to know her biological parents and it may become clear what parts of them she carries and I will have the opportunity to thank them profusely for the most unselfish gift I've ever been given. I don't know why she is the way she is, but I'm intensely grateful that she's part of me.
11 comments:
interesting post & thoughts to ponder, love the picture of seneca at the bottom, we just had pictures taken at that same place- it will be fun to see if any of the photos emerged with 6 smiling faces!
We could discuss this all day and into the night. There are too many sides to this subject. No one can say just nature or just nurture. I would love to have an all night chat about this. It has always fascinated me. There is no doubt Senny is all you!
I echo Sister Cwanberry. It's a fascinating topic, one I wonder about often. Senny's hair is getting so long. I want to eat her for lunch.
amberly, great post reading. thanks for the inspiration. much of my thoughts were on madi even before i read this. thanks for helping mine come along.
Wonderfully written and it makes you wonder. Dana and I will adopt eventually... that is our plan anyway. I think it is wonderful that there are people out there who can give such a wonderful life to a blessed little child. Seneca is so darn cute and I love her name.
I loved this post! After being a Family Studies major, I have studied the whole nature vs. nurture debate quite a lot and I can say that even the experts don't agree...there is so much evidence to back up both sides. And, knowing what we do about premortal existence, I find this debate all the more interesting...after all, we were individual spirits first, so how much of that plays into who we are?
I also love your comment about wanting to get it rigt and do all you can for Senny...for all your kids. I have had specific, urgent feelings like that at various times about certain children of mine and it makes me wonder what their future holds.
Great thoughts. Seneca is SO darling I can't stand it. Especially with her little pigtails.
Hey Seneca rocks the pink outfits too. And I have purchased approximately 3 things in Lia's wardrobe so the pink isn't ALL my fault. ;)
Ambers--I have no doubt that Seneca is in the right home and with the right parents. I also believe that each child comes with their own spirit. After having Spencer, I learned that even if I teach him the same things as his older brothers, he will react differently. The proclamation says our job is to nurture. Take that literally, love, provide a safe environment, teach faith, and that darling spirit will blossom, in her own way.
Once again your post has made me teary eyed. And once again I have seen a long post, almost didn't read it but have been so glad that I did. I never thought I could adopt until recently I thought how great it could be to make a difference in a child's life and show them unconditional love when they might otherwise not receive it. What a great blessing for both of you. I admire you.
She is stunning.
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