sleepless thoughts

can't sleep. was sleeping really well until cooper woke up and needed to go to the bathroom. now can't go back to sleep. too many thoughts running through my head. need them to stop. keep coming back to "create."

there are so many changes I want to make right now that it's incredible overwhelming. in my home, my schedule, my personal life.

major spring cleaning needs to take place. do you ever wish for a big block of time with no children so things can get done quickly and easily? except if they were gone, I would be tempted to simply sleep. ironic right now. I need to start in my kitchen. the "pile" is taking over my sanity. mail, preschool papers, random stuff that just keeps growing. gotta find a place for it all.

need to figure out a solution for swimming lessons. I haven't quite worked out what beckham is going to do during my class with seneca. she needs it this year, but the logistics haven't quite fallen into place yet.

reading "a long way gone" right now (well, not right now, but you know). incredible compelling. what a different world we live in. I'm not sure why I was born when and where I was, but gratitude is spilling over.

I need to be running again. I lost my rhythm when I went out of town a bit ago and have found it hard to resume. but my body is feeling it. it is feeling soft and ugly and I hate that feeling. a treadmill would make getting it in every day so much easier these days, but it's not in the cards right now. besides, is running on a treadmill cheating? actually I don't care. it would be a step closer to something. better than this nothingness.

sometimes it's hard to feel like each of my children are getting everything they need. to focus on the activities one needs for their development right now feels like the others are being neglected. I know it all comes back to balance, and they all can get their turn, but it's a little frustrating sometimes.

I told denten this evening (yesterday) that if I had five of me I could keep this house clean and maybe have dinner for him. think of the things I could get done if I could just clone myself! he responded by saying, "and you want another child." that is another post entirely with thoughts still being worked out.

I need to return library books before we go to california this weekend. and make final decisions on our swimming lesson schedule. and choose pictures for senny's project. get clothes clean and ready to pack. see if I need to borrow an extra portable crib or if danae has access to one we can use.

I have been receiving an incredible amount of telemarketing-like calls the past few days. like 25 an hour sometimes. it's ridiculous. I usually resort to leaving my phone off the hook for long periods of time to avoid wondering if it's something I need to answer or not. it's medical companies. what on earth do they want with me??

there. that purged a little of what's bouncing off the walls of my head. maybe sleep will come now. let's just take a deep breath and try this life thing again tomorrow. I've got lots of days in me still. we'll get it right one of these times. good night.