just roll with it.

you know how sometimes things don't always turn out the way you already have pictured in your head? you know those times?

like, say, yesterday. primary program. oh boy. yeah, we won't go there. anyway, in my head, I had this entirely free sunday afternoon that, in my head, was slated for time with my book that I am totally hooked on. I'd share what it is but frankly, it's embarrassing. well, that actually makes it sound worse than it is. ok, I'll share (because really, who am I to be all private). it's john grisham's latest, the associate. I'm a sucker for a good legal drama, like the good wife on cbs. anyone else watching that? mmm. books and shows with that sort of theme make me dream that my husband is that kind of lawyer, you know, a fierce litigator out to get the bad guy, or sometimes, defending the bad guy because despite the fact that he is scum, he still deserves a proper and first-rate defense (and my husband is first rate!) ... you know, that kind? well, what do you know that the husband comes home (late the past few weeks) and shares that the latest project is a pretty high-stress litigation case. yahoo! oh, I mean, sorry honey. sorry you're stressed out and working late, but isn't it exciting to be doing something different? isn't it exciting to have to put in late hours because you have pressing deadlines? isn't it thrilling to plot your strategy to get the bad guy?? (I don't know if there even is a bad guy) sometimes I live vicariously through my lover's job. wow, I'm getting way off track here.

I think the point was that I had a lovely sunday afternoon planned in my head. and then I looked at the missionary dinner calendar and what did that say? whose name is there? uh-huh. that would be mine, or ours, as the case may be. well. considering I hadn't yet come up with a plan to feed my own family yet alone two extra that eat like four, the wheels in my head started spinning. and kicking a little. why didn't I go to the store yesterday, bummer. so I mentally inventory what is currently residing in my kitchen and decide that this one was all denten so I sneak him a note into priesthood meeting. I'm pretty sure you're only supposed to interrupt that meeting if it's really important, but I can see my afternoon unraveling and deemed it pretty important. and then he asks me what time is good for the home teachers to come by. huh. I like my hometeachers, I really do. In fact, I really really do, but them coming followed by the elders means my afternoon in jammies with my book has just vanished. this is so much story that did not need to be told. someone stop me. the point (again) is that sometimes you have something in your head and it just doesn't turn out that way. fact it, it probably turned out better. I was spiritually fed, I observed a humble priesthood blessing, I ate great food (thank you, top chef) and enjoyed others' company. And what do you know, there was still a quiet hour before bed in which my book and I enjoyed some quality time with each other.

On a larger, and not-so-trivial scale, my life as a whole feels a little that way right now. You know, a picture in my head, a plan slowly proceeding and then halt. smack. not gonna happen. well, not right now, which, frankly is worse than never because then you never know. oh, just another time that a crystal ball forecasting my future would be oh so appreciated. wow, are you still with me here?? as it happens the opportunity in the way of the other opportunity just might be a better one. ok, it is totally a better one. and I'm totally grateful. totally doesn't make me sound very sincere, does it? I am sincere. I'm grateful for lots of stuff, including the current state of my life. I mean, there are always gonna be greener pastures and some are worth pursuing, but fact is that the pasture on which I'm currently grazing is really fantastic and there are things that are entirely within my control I could do to improve it a little.

Moral of the (discombobulated) story is when the plan you have in your head doesn't turn out just as so perfectly planned, it's ok. it means Someone else is in charge and let's just be honest, His plan is usually (ok, always) better than mine. although, I'd still take a crystal ball now and then, because I have the genes of a planner and how can I plan for what I don't know is coming? I can't, so I roll with it. sometimes I fight it first, but then I roll with it.

and those, my friends, are the very organized and eloquent thoughts of this here monday morning. the end.