Thursday, January 19, 2012

clearing the air.

Alright, already.  Let’s get a few things out in the open, shall we?  Some of you “in the know” have been patient and some not so much. Remember I told you a few posts ago that this year was going to be one of transitions for us here Robinsons?

Have you read this blog lately and thought to yourself, “man, she is one lazy girl!”  If so, I take no offense and fully admit to such.  There just happens to be good reason.   

I happen to have a little baby growing in my tummy. 

You may respond to this here screen with a “wait.  WHAT?”  or a, “I knew it!”  Both of which would be common responses thus far.  The thing is, it threw me, as in surprised the socks right off of me.  And if you thought I was taken, you should have seen my husband’s face.  It was a very slow, “Whhaaaatttt?” followed by a mix of complete disbelief and pure shock.

So here’s the thing.  I knew there would be another baby in this family.  Knew it, no doubt, have a storage closet full of properly labeled bins of baby, toddler and children’s clothes to prove that I knew something was coming sometime.  I did not, however, know that it would come through my own body.  Knew it was possible, but not really so possible, you know what I mean?  Therefore I had pretty much written off the idea of ever being pregnant again- had come to terms with the fact that I most likely wouldn’t feel a baby move inside me again in this life, which is the very very best part about pregnancy, in my opinion.  I had also gladly written off the changes my body is going through, the stretching, the uncomfortable, the pushing out in unattractive places, the emotional mess I become at the time of delivery.  I mean tell me how great it was when sweet little Seneca showed up and I instantly had this perfect little baby to hold all day long and yet my body didn’t change one little bit?!  That was not to be the plan this time. 

I have hesitated in sharing this and I’m not sure why.  I am thrilled and excited and grateful and in awe that Heavenly Father can create something so perfect that needs to be out of something that simply shouldn’t allow it to be so.  Maybe I liked that it was just my little secret for a while.  Maybe keeping it quiet kept it real.  I’ll be honest and say that I have had moments where my eyes fill with tears thinking of a few select of you who want this so badly and while I know your miracle will come, the fact that you’re waiting patiently and prayerfully makes my heart break.  Because I’ve been there, I promise I have.

My mom said, “people won’t get it.”  Denten agreed and I think they are referring to people who just hear we’re having a baby and are happy for us.  They won’t get that this wasn’t supposed to happen- except that it clearly was.  So here’s a bit of history, for you, or more so for this little bean who will someday want to understand why we think he or she is another complete miracle delivered to our family.

Coop was an IVF baby.  Stage IV endometriosis deemed getting pregnant on our own impossible, so we worked with RMA in NY and got Coop here.  In reality it was a lot more complicated than that, but the important part is that we figured out the issue, found a solution and thought we were in the clear.  Three more cycles of in vitro followed after Cooper- one in Phoenix, one in Utah and one in NY- all unsuccessful.  The last one was a complete mystery.  It was textbook perfect and no one, the docs and lab included, had any inkling as to what might have gone wrong.  After the fact, it became clear to me that I would not be completely open to the idea of adoption until we had tried all other alternatives.  I don’t know why I needed to go through it all first, but after the last attempt, I was open and ready.  It wasn’t a month later that the process was started and five months later that we had our daughter in our home.  If IVF would have been successful, we wouldn’t have pursued adoption and we wouldn’t have Seneca- and Heaven knew we needed Seneca.  It was all part of the plan.

We got Senny home and two weeks later learned I was pregnant.  By our own devices- after multiple failed attempts with fancy drugs, needles and lab work Heavenly Father said, now that you have Seneca, I’m happy to answer those prayers you’ve been sending up here.. here’s another one!  And Beckham was born eight months later.  Five months following that, I was pregnant again.  I know, what are the chances.  And yes, Denten was dying.  Three kids in under a year?!  Uh, no.  Turns out it was too good to be true.  The endometriosis had interfered and the pregnancy only got as far as my fallopian tube.  In order to remove the pregnancy, my tube was lost as well.  We left that experience with the knowledge that my endo was worse and that I had one tube.  Chances of conceiving? I asked the dr.  Not happening, she said. 

And yet here we are.  Not sure why we needed four years to get here yet, but I’m sure that mystery will be answered in time as all of them have.  I have learned, over and over, that He has a plan for our family.  Just when I think I have it figured out, He gently reminds me that He’s in charge and keeps me guessing.  I knew I needed to be patient and it would all unfold as it should, but in the moment being patient is sooooo hard. 

So, yes, this was unexpected.  Except that I expected something.    Not this, necessarily, but I believe that this little spirit needed to get here, to our family, and despite my imperfect and flawed body, He helped get this little one on their way.  Divine intervention?  There is no doubt. So I’m taking good care of this little bean.  That means I take naps and eat often and walk around here overwhelmed with gratitude.  My kids are learning patience because who should have to wait until summer to meet this new baby they are so excited is coming?!  But summer it is, so settle in, and be prepared for new reading material, because I’ve been holding back. 

42 comments:

tenacious d said...

Congratulations! I'm so excited and happy for you guys. It seems like each one of your kids has a way of declaring very clearly that they were meant to be, definitely and surely, when they came into your family.

Misty said...

That is so, so exciting. Congratulations! Awesome news.

My mother says that she can't count the number of times her friends would file for adoption and shortly thereafter find out they were pregnant.

K said...

Congratulations! I am so very happy for you! I hope you have a smooth & easy pregnancy!

McKelle said...

Wow! So exciting!!

Kelly said...

Oh, Amberly, I'm so happy for you all! Congrats on this new little one!

Partridge Family said...

I knew it!! I had an inkling that was the situation. I am thrilled for you. What a blessed lil' baby to be joining your wonderful family!

Deirdre Eagar said...

What a wonderful suprise. Super happy for you and Denton.

Love ya,
D

brenda hatch said...

Best news I've heard all day!

Debi said...

I am thrilled for you, absolutely thrilled! My prayers for you we answered too! I love you both so much! Aunt Deb

Susanna said...

Miracle. I have goosebumps. I didn't know details about your other babies, but I knew you'd been through it all. I'm so so so happy for you. And for your beautiful little kids that you'll all have another squishy face to kiss. Take good care of yourself. Can't wait to hear more!

Amy @ Ink'd said...

BEYOND excited for you! So thrilled. Is it too much to ask for a girl?!? Seneca needs a sister, right?

xoxo.

eryka said...

I can't tell you how happy I am for you guys. I have goosebumps. I only wish I still lived by you to hold the new baby. Congratulations. :)

Alyosha said...

This is so wonderful! I'm genuinely so happy for all of you. You're a great mom--your family is lucky to have you.

Lindsay Renee' said...

amberly, that is fantastic. i'm really happy for you and your family. and as fun as it would be for senny to have a sister, how cool for her to be surrounded by three protective brothers??? congrats...hope you are well.

Lindsey said...

Amberly, I loved reading this and feeling your emotion. I am so excited for you guys and do believe that Heavenly Father has more of a plan for each of us than we even realize. There have been little things recently that make me even more aware. Congratulations to you all! This is such amazing news.

Erin said...

Yay babies! What fantastic news! Congratulations to you and your family!!

Marie said...

So happy for your miracle! What a wonderful blessing! That baby is so lucky to be coming to such an amazing mother and family! Congrats!

Torey said...

I am so glad that I stalk your blog. Now I can share in your joy. Seriously beaming over here for you. No doubt, you are one of those angel moms with big things to do here on earth. Congratulations and keep us posted!

Sharon said...

That is so awesome. A big congrats! :)

Sharon said...

That is so awesome. A big congrats! :)

The Hansen's said...

Miss Amberly, you are an amazing woman and I am so blessed to have your influence in my life. I'm so thrilled for you!! This has got to be one fantastic little being! Hope things continue positively!

kimmalee said...

Oh Amberly, I'm just thrilled for you! I agree with Aubs and am so grateful to be related to you and to be able to benefit from your influence. You're wonderful. You're an incredible mother and this little one is going to be so very loved...and have such darling siblings. What a lucky baby. Congratulations. I hope you're feeling well...as well as can be expected. Love you.

Krista Hegstrom said...

I am so excited for you! How awesome!

Jilene said...

congrats Amberly! Here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy. I've had three babies after an ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the loss of a tube, so I know all is possible! It's amazing! Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months! how far along are you?

Scrap Happy said...

I can't believe I'm learning about this through a blog post, which my husband had read first. Congratulations, love you guys! And I hope it's a girl too!!

Kristi said...

I am so happy for you guys! You are amazing parents and should definitely be blessed with another little spirit! Congratulations!!!

Jaime said...

Oh Amberly! Congratulations! Miracle never cease. We are thrilled for you and Dent! Keep on living good. Can't wait it read whatever you share! Just adore you so much.

Emily said...

WOWZA! When you commented on Annie's Instagram comment yesterday I thought you meant adoption!!! Holy Smokers, so happy for you and nap away!

Unknown said...

This is Kendra. You're too funny with your lazy comment. You're probably the least lazy mom I've ever met, even being pregnant. So excited for you!! I love it when stuff happens in your life and you know that it supposed to happen and it's good. If I were a little spirit again, I'd want to come to your home! :)

Leslie said...

Congrats! Very exciting news!

Tamra said...

Oh, congrats! I'm so happy for you and your family. You deserve another cutie and they deserve you!!

Tiffany Ann said...

Oh my gosh-I am so so excited for yoy! You are such a wonderful mom and name your kids the cutest names ever! I cant wait to hear this ones name :) wish you lived here so I could hold your sweet baby when it arrives! Congrats!!!

Tami said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you, Amberly! Your story shows that if we have faith, and patience in Gods timing, he blesses us so much. I think you are an inspiration! Good luck with everything, and for heavens sake, BE LAZY! ;)

The McEnaney's said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It reminds us that miracles do happen! Congratulations!

The Silly Witch said...

It's amazing the miracles that can happen if we just stay open and have faith. I'm thrilled for you and am sure this new addition will bring great adventures, cute pictures, and lots of love into your home.

Kristin said...

Wow, I love it! What a faith building story. And I love that I thought Senneca was biologically yours. And seriously, I'll have to show you some of my baby pictures, they do look just like her!
Congratulations!

Steph said...

Yay for you guys!!! Pregnancy Miracles are the best kind. :)

Brittney said...

Amberly I am so happy for you guys. It fills me with so much HOPE to see miracles happen!
Wishing you the best!!

sara mansfield said...

amazing & exciting! congrats ;)

Annie said...

Sometimes I imagine Heavenly Father up there giggling like a school girl when he decides to switch gears on us. Must be fun.

Congratulations, Yay for more thighs to nibble!

Cathy said...

Hip hip hooray!!!! Such exciting news -- so happy for you.

Grace Amis said...

Love this post Amber, you're amazing. Congrats. Love & miss you!