Relinquishing Control

If you know me very well at all, you will atest to the fact that I appreciate maintaining control over my little world. This fact became even more apparant when I became a parent and had to learn to relax and "let be" a little. While I still struggle with this in regards to parenting, at least I'm aware of the tendencies. I've had a few experiences lately that have pushed me to "trust" in those who happen to have more control over certain aspects of my life than I do.

First, I've been having braxton hicks contractions for quite a while now. No big deal, everyone gets them, right? They came quite a bit sooner with this little guy than with Cooper, but from what I hear, that's also normal in subsequent pregnancies. The issue was that they started coming at a rate of 3-4 an hour. A bit of concern for the dr. at my last visit, so I started keeping track and they got to the point this week that it was wise to rule out preterm labor. Let me break this down a bit more. I have two small children. When I'm running errands, playing with Coop or doing housework the contractions are stronger and more frequent. When I take it easy, they are less apparant. We took a trip to the OB triage unit at the hospital today just to make sure things were ok. The first thing they did was have me lay down. The second thing they did was give me a shot of stuff to make contractions stop. Then they monitored me for an hour and lo and behold, there were not many contractions present! Go figure! The news worth receiving was that I am not dialated enough to be significant at this point and there were not preterm labor hormones present either, so I'm in good shape- except for those wretched contractions that of course resumed just after returning home. Lest you think I left the hospital without voicing this concern, know that I expressed my puzzlement at their monitoring methods and my nurse agreed... instructions: take it easy and come back if there are six contractions in an hour. Alright- they're the professionals, I'll listen. I really don't think there's much to be concerned about anyway, but it was nice to have someone else verify this.

Second, and I must tread lightly here seeing as I have ward members who lurk around my blog (lurking is not used negatively here, it simply means that you read and don't comment!) I have been reminded that those who are in positions of authority in the church are there for a reason. I am choosing to trust the inspiration of those in charge as the peaceful feeling regarding the releasing of and extending of callings has been more of a bit of turmoil to a few around me. I know the issue of inspiration when a calling is extended has always been a touchy issue as some take it quite seriously and others view filling positions in a more logistical manner. It's easy to look at a ward list and see who doesn't have a calling or who holds specific talents and "plug" them in somewhere, or look at the calendar and say, "yep, time for a switch," but I have always chosen to believe that those in positions to make such decisions choose to do so with the spirit's confirmation. While some callings may not have seemed to fit initially to me, I haven't ever really questioned them, knowing that they have been extended as they should have. Due to some recent shifting in our ward, I am struggling a little with that peace and know that it will simply take a little time. It's just one of those times that I am trusting that the spirit has been clear to those with authority and and praying that the uneasy feeling it left me with will go away. I have the utmost respect and admiration for the leaders that surround me and appreciate that they are the kind who are in tune with our Father in Heaven. The unfamiliar feeling to not have peace about it right away is perhaps a part of a lesson to me in trusting those who have the control, because unfortunately, it's a lesson that might have to be learned more than once.