Happy Birthday Boogs!

I have started this post about five times realizing that my brother is a very hard person for me to describe. There is the innocent, light-hearted boy he was four years ago before he left for London, there are a few different versions of himself that evolved while he was away and there is the man he came home as.

Ben is the boy who knew the name of every airplane on the planet before he started school. He knew all the functions of all the gadgets in a cockpit and had big plans to be a pilot. He asked questions and was curious. When eight-years-old came he did not simply follow suite and agree to be baptized. He needed some kind of knowledge for himself and listened to all the missionary discussions before making his careful decision. He was amazing to me.

He is the boy who I hurt indescribably for as he struggled with a profound loneliness that I can't begin to imagine. Trying to be brave and supportive while at the same time wanting it all to end, he developed a deep loyalty to his country; he learned how to associate converse with adults better than any other young teenager I have come in contact with. He became very comfortable with himself and found solace in quiet places while living an a very loud and busy city. He displayed that the closest, truest friends we have may not be our peers, but perhaps adolescent men with name tags representing Jesus Christ; true friends may include our parents and true friends don't have to be human.

As Ben returned home from London to join his classmates for his junior year of high school, I've watched from afar as the friends he left are no longer the ones he chooses to spend his time with. He does not value designer jeans, hanging out in front of the television or expensive cars. He values productivity, adventure, hard work and being outdoors. He values his hands, and I admire them. He searches for friends that share his interests, but is quite comfortable with who he is and won't change that in order to conform or impress. He can be stubborn and sometimes has a hard time seeing things from another's viewpoint, but he's compassionate and sincere. He's straightforward, what you see is what you get, no pretenses.

Ben currently comes with two components in my mind: Levi and Lewis. The Land Cruiser and the chocolate lab. Lewis saved Ben. He was sent from above to heal a very broken heart and provide a much needed companion. He is so much more than a dog to me, and that's saying a lot- I'm not a pet-lover; but the impact he had on Ben's life is incredible. Levi currently serves as an exploring companion regardless of whether another human being is joining the two of them. She's complete with a winch and a (homemade) roof rack and is the vehicular version of Ben. She is different from most other of her kind, not mainstream, equipped to pull others out of sticky situations and pretty good-looking.

I'm grateful Ben is still here. I'm grateful to have a brother who has weathered an incredible storm and come out stronger than expected. He is a fantastic friend and uncle and I love him forever.

SPT Spring Fever

I was not fit to be photographed this morning, so I cheated a little. The most you'll get from my photos this week are my appendages and my shadow. Trust me, you don't want much more today.

I knew spring was coming when my eyes started itching. I knew spring was coming when my desert plants that have been sad-looking for months finally popped with color. I knew spring was coming when it went from 60 to 75 degrees outside. I knew spring was coming when Cooper came home from the park sweating in his jeans and realized it was time for shorts and sandals. I knew spring was here when I heard mention of spring break, a week that I am currently not participating in. I have for years, and will again when Coop starts school, but right now we're in the middle with no designated break. I could use a spring break right now.

I'm still having a hard time realizing that it is spring here in Arizona. It feels like the summer I grew up with, so I often think that we have gone from winter straight to summer, then I remember that this isn't even close to the sweltering summer that is ahead of us and I take a moment to breathe in the pleasant fresh air.



My mood does not currently feel springy, I kind of feel like I'm ready for a fight, but I'll bounce back, I always do. The wind will eventually stop howling outside and I'll be fine.

Spring signifies new life, right? I feel like I'm on the threshold of a new life. A few new adventures are coming my way and are going to change my life significantly and while sometimes I'm scared and glad things are still calm, I know the storm is coming and want it to just get here already. I want to quit talking about this business and have it up and running, now. I want to be in the position to be considered as a mother for a precious baby that needs our family. I also want to enjoy right where I am in life and not keep hoping for something different. However, right now I want lunch as does Cooper, so to dear spring, I request: please pull me out of this funk I'm in and let the new life begin!

AAAHH! The bugs are driving me crazy...

and I can't even see them!! I only hear about them, nonstop this afternoon. I realized it was a problem when I heard myself tell Cooper, "You've got to stop talking, you're driving me crazy." I said it very calmly, but still, what a thing to say to a little boy! The trouble started a while ago when an unsuspecting fly flew past Cooper's ear. He heard it buzz and has been a bit paranoid ever since. He calls most flying things "bees" considering we've taught him that bees buzz and that's the sound he hears when a fly passes by. He also knows butterflies and is slightly less wary of them.

He went out back to play today while I got some work done, that was the idea anyway, but then the bugs, oh, the bugs. He's so dramatic, where does he get that?! "Mom, a bug! Scared me!" My reply: Bugs aren't scary, they're friendly, go tell the bug hello. "Oh!" What a brilliant idea, back outside he goes. "Mom, bug all gone! Where bug go, mom?" Good grief, do you want the bugs or not? Just go play, the bugs won't hurt you. "If a bug comes, just show him your bubbles. everything will be fine." About five times in-and-out-of-the-door later, we settled on staying in for a while. Playing outside was not helping me get any work done! So we looked at a bug on the outside of the sliding glass door for a few minutes. We decided it was tiny, therefore not scary. "Tiny bug mom, so cute." said with a sweet little squished up face.

Carwash

Our car's name is Suby (sooby). She is a 2001 Subaru Outback. I love her. Cooper also loves her. We took Suby to the carwash this week and it was the highlight of the week. It was a good car wash, the kind where you tell the friendly guy what you want and he and his little helpers get her spick and span. After Suby was vacuumed, she went automatically rolling into the wash. We were inside the building with our noses pressed to the glass looking into the carwash. The soap squirting out, the scrubbers, the waving panels... all incredibly facinating. And Suby moving through with no one driving.. well, how does that happen?! Little Cooper thought this was the best thing ever. We ran out the other side of the building to see Suby getting dried off and wiped out- all of this combined with the free helium balloon was just too much to forget.

Each time we've gotten into the car since then, it has been tragic that we are not headed to the carwash. Yesterday as I was sitting at the table, Cooper crawled under the table and had me move my legs back and forth so he could crawl through them and pretend he was Suby getting washed. After 30 minutes of this, he was delighted and I was bored. So we set up chairs, blankets and the tunnel to form cooper's very own carwash. The results are hours of entertaining himself. He comes out the other end saying, "all clean!" and then wants me to blow on him so he dries off... I have also heard, "I love the carwash, mom!" Oh, the simple joys of a little boy. If anyone has suggestions for a more creative home carwash (that does not include water) let me know!

Requesting Assistance

Decisions. I'm not good at them. If I know what I want, super, then nothing else will do, but if I don't, then expect each major decision to take at least a month. My kitchen and family room are really one big room with one window over my sink (location one), three windows in the fam room behind the couch (location two) and a big sliding glass door(location three). They all need window treatments. I have been trying to find two coordinating fabrics, one for the window valences and one for drapes (sliding door) but am not having any luck. The current options are...





-does this red/orange stripe go with my green walls?
-is one fabric too much for all three locations?

These next two I like better, but also need something to go with them.

I love the fabric on these storage boxes. I don't know where I'd find it, but I bought one and it looks fabulous in my room.
www.containerstore.com/browse/Product.jhtml?CATID=71230&PRODID=10015492



This is the other that I keep coming back to.
www.jandofabrics.com/proddetail.asp?prod=reu000103

Not everyone's style, I know, but I can't put the swatch away... the search continues!

Sorry, the links aren't working... any tips??

Chicken with Sweet Corn & Potato Saute

From Rachael Ray's Express Lane Meals Cookbook.

Serves 4:
4 Boneless, skinless chicken breasts
salt and pepper
zest and juice of one lemon
2 large baking potatoes, scrubbed clean or peeled
4 Tb. olive oil
1 tsp. dried thyme
1 medium onion, chopped
2 large garlic cloves, chopped
1 10-oz. box frozen corn kernels ( I used canned)
1 1/4 cups chicken stock
2 Tb. butter
1/4 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley

Season the chicken breasts with salt, pepper, and the lemon juice. Let the chicken marinate while you get the rest of the meal going.

Cut the potatoes into quarters lengthwise. Arrange the quarters cut side down on a cutting board. Thinly slice the potatoes across the width-- you want thin, bite-size pieces.

Heat a nonstick large skillet over medium-high heat with about 2 TB. olive oil. Add the potatoes in an even layer across the hot skillet. Season the sliced potatoes with salt, pepper and thyme. Resist the temptation to stir the potatoes for about 2 minutes, to let them brown up a little bit. Once the potatoes brown, stir in the onions and garlic and continue to cook, stirring occasionally, for 7-8 minutes, or until the potatoes are flirting with tenderness. If the potatoes are getting too dark, turn down the heat a little.

While the onions and potatoes are cooking, preheat a second large skillet with the remaining 2 Tb. of olive oil. Add the chicken breasts and cook for 5-6 minutes on each side (mine took longer than this to cook through).

While the chicken is cooking, add the corn kernels to the potatoes and cook, stirring frequently, for 2-3 minutes. Add the chicken stock, turn the heat up to high, and bring the stock up to a bubble and continue to cook for 3 minutes, or until the liquids have reduced by half. Turn the heat off and add the butter, parsley, lemon zest, stirring until the butter is completely melted.

Serve the chicken whole or sliced on top of the sweet corn and potato saute.

This was a last-minute dinner idea that turned out great. When Denten says he'll eat it again, you know it was a success! The picture isn't great, and when dinner gets served three different times in an evening, it's bound to loose a little of it's charm, but still tasted yummy!

Minor Road Rash

Cooper thinks he's bigger than he is, or older anyway. He always tries to keep up with the big boys at the park, and he's usually pretty good at it. It's way more fun to play big kid games and climb on the big playground equipment than the completely safe little kid stuff. He's had to be rescued a few times part way up a ladder when the rungs are too far apart for him to reach, but he keeps trying just in case he grew the necessary inches since last week. Today he was running his little heart out chasing some facinating imaginary creature with his friends when that darn shoelace tripped him up. Luckily he was on a texturized rubber surface rather than concrete, so instead of splitting his head open, we just get cool red sopts on his forehead. Park days are becoming more adventurous... but they also always prove to be fabulous nap days!

Self-Portrait Tuesday... Good luck charm

This week's challenge from lelly is to show a lucky charm. perhaps it is a piece of jewelry? or a talisman you carry in your pocket? do you have something on your desk or in your home that brings you good fortune? is it a baseball hat or a smelly old t-shirt? did someone give it to you? why is it meaningful to you? will you tell us about a time when it brought you good luck?

Perhaps I'm the minority, but I don't have one, at least not anything I consider to be a lucky charm. I do, however, have my Worry Dolls. I am a worrier. Much less so now than as a child, but I have always found something to worry about, sometimes to the point of making myself sick or losing sleep. As a little girl, my stomach was often in knots worrying about something I'm sure I had virtually no control over. I'm not sure at what point my mother gave me these, but these tiny little dolls took over a lot of my worries. I vaguely remember them being a gift after my parents returned from vacation, but I could be wrong.

The idea was to lay each of the six dolls out at night before I went to bed and assign each of them a worry. During the night, they would take care of whatever I was concerned with so I didn't have to stay awake at night worrying. While I probably knew then as I do now that these little dolls couldn't actually fix anything, it helped to turn my worries over to someone else for a while and relax. In a figuative sense, I suppose I do the same thing now when I'm overwhelmed. I often turn my worries over to my Father in Heaven for a while and face them again when I'm ready to deal with them. So while my Worry Dolls aren't lucky, they provided comfort and distraction from my childhood worries and were a good reminder this week that I don't have to deal with anything by myself.

Happy Birthday Katelyn

Katelyn's actual birthday was earlier this month, but to me, March will always bring two things to mind: spring and Katelyn, so if I think monthly, I'm not too far behind the game. I just wanted to record some of my thoughts about my sister so when I look back I have a picture of just what I thought of her in 2007. Denten helped me, bonus points if you can tell his descriptors from mine.

Katelyn is...
- a free spirit
- a fairly-worn pair of running shoes
- intelligent
- spring time
- cultured
- adventurous
- a chipper soul
- smooth water
- middle-east savvy
- carefully spoken
- fresh veggies
- a Nike Club Tee
- a thoughtful, unexpected surprise in the mail
- open-minded
- a larger-than-life barbie house with a pink corvette
- a minority advocate
- blistered feet
- fresh powder and guts
- a spontaneous song
- an unintentional motivator
- health-conscious
- tough, the girl can weather a storm
- gerber daisies
- a great sweater
- patient
- not confrontational
- all four seasons
- sear-sucker
- quietly disciplined
- an old-fashioned cruiser bike with a basket and a bell
- an enormous, endearing chocolate lab
- Jerusalem
- an early morning cheerleading flashback on the back of the boat
- polka-dots
- a thought- and discussion-provoking book
- shoes
- kind
- crampons and ice axe
- a fluffy bathrobe





Katelyn is my younger sister, but for as long as I can remember, I've looked up to her. For a short time growing up, she was everything I wasn't... decisive, brave, fashion-forward, blond, always aware of just what she wanted. I remember battles over practicing the piano, playing school in our unfinished basement, getting in trouble for calling Lindsay chubby, converse high-tops, the infamous fluffy dress and ringlets, and our nightly routine of NMLF... the shortened version of "good Night, see you in the Morning, i Love you, will you Forgive me for whatever I did today..." Once we moved and had our own rooms, there were many nights we woke up and one had migrated to the other's room. It was great to talk about having our own space, but when bedtime came, I missed her terribly. There was one night however, in the duplex when we shared a room where Katelyn snuck out of her bed over to mine, pinched me really hard and then ran back to bed and pretended she was asleep. When mom came in to see why I was screaming, there was sweet innocent Katelyn faking slumber in her bed. Clever. Katelyn is definitely clever.

I hurt for her loneliness in DC and she returned the favor when I moved to NY. I watched her make much better decisions than I did regarding guys she dated...Dave C., Justin P., Bri-bri and finally Wadey. I love Wade almost as much as I love Katelyn and they compliment each other very well. I have complete admiration for the way the two of them have supported each other and maintained a close and open relationship through the loss of a dear brother. While I have learned to be happy with who I am, I will always want to be a little like Katelyn. She is a wonderful sister, friend and aunt. I love her today.

Navajo Adoption

I've spent the last two days attending a PATH (Parents as Tender Healers) training in Tuba City, NM as part of a certification process we are going through in order to adopt a Navajo baby (denten is half navajo). The training was a parenting class focused on how to care for adopted and foster children and the unique challenges they face being a part of the social service system. I felt a little like I was back in school sitting through a seminar on abuse, remembering the prevalance and horror it presents to way too many children.

I was reminded of the staggering number of children that are affected by neglect and abuse, particularly sexual abuse. One in three girls and one in five boys will be sexually abused in their adolescent years. Even though I know that number, it blows me away each time I hear it. It is a much heavier statistic now that I am a mother. There is an incredible amount of trust we place in those we ask to care for our children.

I came away from this trip with a heavy heart knowing how many children go from group home to foster home and have parents who are anything but positive role models. Denten and I had conflicting feelings as we were made aware of just how many children are in need of stable, permanant homes. On one hand, we would love to share the home and resources we have been blessed with in order to bring love and stability to these children. On the other, we must evaluate carefully the risk we are taking for our family allowing certain experiences and issues into our home. We are both very comfortable and excited to welcome an infant into our family, but take a long pause when considering an older child. I know it may sound selfish, but that isn't right for our family right now.

I also left Tuba City today with a renewed admiration for the Navajo culture. Denten's family has realized that there are conflicts between traditional practices and the gospel, but there are beautiful traditions as well. I felt grateful that the culture has held onto values such as respect, especially for their elders, and modesty; both values that are clearly disinigrating in the society I live in. I love the rich heritage the clan system offers and was reminded that life doesn't have to move so fast. I had to put my schedule-oriented self at bay a few times when the discussion wandered off track and the endless stories began, but once I took a deep breath and listened, I learned a lot from some very wise people who have lived through much more than I have.

We have a home study scheduled in a few weeks and then we're approved to be considered for placement! We met another couple this week that is also anxious to receive the call that there is a baby waiting for them and in order to not be worried about all the families we're competeing with, I need to believe that Heavenly Father is going to send the baby to us that belongs in our family. I just need to keep all the doors open. Thanks to Grandma who spent the past few days with Cooper, I think she has a bigger imagination than he does, they had a great time together and coming home to a perfectly clean house, well, it doesn't get better than that! Thanks mom.

Eight Amazing Years

Today I have been married for eight years. I can't let the day get away from me without recording a few thoughts. Eight years sounds like a very long time and while it hasn't felt long, when I think back to who I was eight years ago, I realize it has been a long time. I am a much different person now than I was then. A lot has happened in my life in the last eight years and I was not alone in my adventures.

Denten has been beside me as we completed our undergraduate education, fumbled through a few short-term jobs trying to figure out what we were going to do with our lives, moving across the country and embarking on not only formal graduate education, but real-life lessons as well. We listened to each other's classroom discussion topics, edited papers, tried to keep the TV turned down as the other studied and found our way to yet another graduation. We have faced the challenges of infertility together and with great positivity and faith, we have seen ourselves combined in our little boy and are in awe that he is the result of the two of us. We celebrated together at finally owning a home and having a real job. We've spent summers apart persuing different aspects of our education and have learned that life is better together most of the time.

Denten is a quiet strength that pushes forward steadily balancing the part of me that is often all over the place. He is hard-working, thoughtful and deliberate in his speech. He is a quiet servant of the Lord, knowing that obedience brings blessings. He is compassionate to those who society often discriminates against and is an advocate to the minority. He believes in equal rights and opportunities and is quick to call out an unfair statement and come to one's defense. I love him for that.

His body was born with a magnet for adventure. He needs his mountains on a regular basis. Hunting, archery, fishing, water-skiing, golfing, biking, knitting (yes, knitting), dancing, photography, basketball... all part of the man I married.






His interests may not always match up with mine, but one of the best parts of our relationship is the freedom we have to be ourselves, to pursue the activities our hearts desire and not have to conform for one another. We have often received comments from our friends that say I am "so nice" to "let" Denten go _____(whatever the activity may be) and we are puzzled by that. I don't "let" him or not "let" him do things. I am not his mother and he's not 10... We are both grown-ups who consult each other and appreciate that we are individuals who have a need to get out once in a while. I don't need permission to go out with my friends and don't have to feel guilty for doing so. We must have had good role models in our parents who showed us how a marriage is a true parternership with equal give and take.







Denten is an amazing and involved father. Our son astounds us every day and watching the two of them laugh together is truly the reason I'm here. We share a desire to add to our family and I am grateful for the security he brings to us. Something that I don't think about on a daily basis, but enables me to go through my days in peace is the consistent way my husband honors his priesthood and the spirit that is present in our home.


We take a little peek back in time together each year and recall the day we were sealed for eternity. I remember feeling like I was in a dream when we were being married; I remember how I loved my dress, but not my hair; I remember how my stomach was so nervous I threw up on the temple grounds in the bushes during pictures; then stumbled on my dress and fell flat on my face... oh, it was a great day... I remember we were both nauseated the next day on the plane and a flight attendant asked if I was pregnant. We looked at each other and said, "I hope not!" I remember that we spent the majority of our honeymoon in bed, and not because we were "honeymooning," but because denten had an incredibly high fever for three days. We did eventually leave the hotel and enjoy the surroundings and we have some great memories.

I couldn't have done much better choosing the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with- Babe, I love you today.

Pesto Pea Salad

- Barefoot Contessa

1/4 pound baby spinach leaves
1 (10oz) package frozen peas, defrosted
1/2 c prepared pesto
1/4 c freshly grated Parmesan Cheese
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 Tablespoons toasted pine nuts (pignolis)

Wash the spinach leaves and spin them dry. Place the spinach and the peas in a large bowl. Add the pesto and parmesan, then sprinkle with the salt. Toss well, sprinkle with pine nuts, and serve.

Overdue haircut

I have been avoiding getting Cooper's hair cut for way too long. The main reason is that Karen, our dear friend who has diligently taken care of our hair since we moved here has vacated the premesis. I just didn't want to find someone new. It was getting out of control, however, so we visited Great Clips yesterday. Close, cheap, convenient... It was no Karen (no gummy bears, cozy kitchen conversation..) but we did find Carmen. A lovely little Hispanic lady who avoided us at first because "the little boys wiggle too much." As it turns out, mine is not a wiggler. He didn't move the entire time, mesmerized by his image in the mirror and the buzzing going on around his ears. Carmen invited him back whenever he wanted and even got hug before we left. The hair is a bit short, but it will grow!

Self-Portrait Tuesday... Mirror, mirror...

I've been inspired by fellow bloggers taking Lelly's (http://lellysmusings.blogspot.com/) Tuesday self-portrait challenge. The challenge is:
"take a picture of yourself in the mirror. any mirror will do. now, take a really good look at yourself. try to see your image as others around you see it. does it bring to mind something kind or unusual that a friend has noticed about your recently. can you see what they see? will you tell us about it??"

I hesitated committing to do this all day seeing as today was a "didn't leave the house day." Dad accidentally went to work with the carseat (again) and I had stuff to do at home anyway, but when these days happen, me looking my finest rarely happens. Then I decided that it would really be a self-portrait of myself today- comfy clothes, no make-up, clean, but not-done hair... this is me today! I had some flash issues, but you get the picture.

I want to see myself the way others see me sometimes. I know that others are often kind, but they are also flattering. I want to look in the mirror and see that put-together, thin, beautiful girl that some think I am. I know the truth however. I hide a lot of imperfections under my clothes! I don't think I'm ugly, but I have looked in the mirror more often lately with the thought that I'm getting old. I don't feel old, but I think I'm starting to look old. My skin just isn't what it used to be and my body, well, let's just say it's seen far better days. I'll be honest, I'm often disappointed in the image just because I know it could be better. But life demands more of me right now than primping in front of the mirror for very long, so here I am, in all my glory!

Cooper Moments

Cooper has had a super week in Utah with Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Ben, Aunt Lindsay and Lewis. Lewis has been an incredibly good sport following Cooper's enthusiastic commands obediently. He is such a gentle dog, although probably a bit confused that he keeps getting called, "Rusty." Rusty is our dear neighborhood golden retriever and the only dog Cooper sees on a daily basis. We keep reminding Cooper that this is Lewis... yee haw!



We have also been oh so fortunate to visit when all the snow for the winter decided to fall... really great for my 45 minute commute to Layton and back each day! But seeing as Grandma and Uncle Ben could not find snowboots, they fashioned their own for little Coop and had a great time in the snow!



The best photo opportunity was finding Aunt Lindsay reading Cooper his scripture stories with Grandpa looking on. He looks forward to that book each night... a precious moment.