Picking up where I left off last post...
Saturday morning I had another ultrasound to be sure that before we made any drastic moves that this indeed was a pregnancy with no viability. Confirmed. There is tissue in my left fallopian tube with a large blood clot surrounding the area. The first course of treatment is a shot of methotrexine, a chemotherapy drug used to treat cancer cells. The drug targets rapidly-multiplying cells such as cancer cells, pregnancy cells and those in the gastrointestinal track. The purpose is to attack the tissue in the tube, have it release and flush out on its own. Easy enough. The side effects are a hard hit to the GI track producing nausea, diarrhea and vomiting. Lovely. And as the pregnancy and placenta release there will be pain and cramping. Lots of it.
My nurse practitioner who is walking me through the process doesn't hold back. It will take a few days to kick in and then honey, look out. Hm. The hard part for me was trying to get a baseline of what pain is normal and expected and just needs to be sucked up and what pain is past the threshold and demands a trip to the ER. Still no clear answer on that one. Being told that it's gonna hurt, a lot, is one thing. Being told that if there is significant pain indicating a rupture is another... how do I know the difference?! I'm relying on the Spirit for this one because who knows what kind of signals my body is going to give me over the next few days. She gave me her cell number as she anticipated that the rough time is going to occur toward the end of the week and over the weekend. It's strange to have her describe this awful monster that is supposedly headed my way when I feel completely fine right now.
Saturday was fine, I felt fine, no troubles. Sunday I had two minor episodes. That's what I'm calling them. Came on suddenly, lots of cramping and nausea, I got really weak and hot and after holding very still for a while, they passed. If that's how this is going to work, we'll be ok. As long as they don't last forever we'll survive just fine. Both cases yesterday came on shortly after eating. Let me tell you about this great new weight-loss plan!! I woke up this morning with zero desire to put anything in my mouth! I finally had some toast after a little lecture from Denten about starving myself. Soup for lunch and we're doing fine so far today. Nothing major to report.
While unfortunately I was not born with the high pain threshold both of my sisters were, and could be scared out of my mind for whatever this cancer drug is going to do to my insides, I am not stressed out. I know things are going to be ok and that no one is going to die. I just feel peaceful. I'm grateful that so far the pain has been tolerable and that both times it has come, Denten has been here. Denten mentioned that this would be easier for him if we lived close to family, that he would feel more comfortable leaving me alone with the kids (he's got this fear of me passing out and everyone just here... it's not a pretty picture and it's not going to happen). I suppose that would bring a little comfort, but honestly I have complete confidence in my local support system. I've got my girls. I can call any one of them at any time and they would be here in a second. My children would be well-taken care of and everyone would be ok. I know it might be an inconvenience to them, but I'm grateful to have friends I can count on for anything.
In the meantime, life goes on. As long as my body functions at normal capacity, swimming lessons will still occur this week, Cooper will continue to learn that I am indeed serious when I say that listening the first time would serve him very well and Beckham will get over his stubborn self and have a nap eventually. And that other child of mine? She'll probably continue to charm us all with her sweet smile. They are all blessings, really.