The question was posed last week: What do you miss about the person you were before you were a mother?
The picture that appeared in my mind of the person I was before I was a mother made me cringe a little and at the same time feel a bit of nostalgia.
Renee Peterson Trudeau said, "Having a baby changes you on a cellular level." I absolutely believe that, whether "having a baby" happens physically for a woman, or through someone else. However, I believe my own personal transformation began before I had a baby.
There are a few terms that come to mind as I see the person I was 10 years ago. Carefree. Selfish. Full of amazing potential and yet not living up to who I was meant to be. Free to come and go from my home as I pleased. Free to go out to dinner with my husband simply because we wanted to, without any planning ahead. Free to participate in whatever events were occurring because my time was my own. My husband has never been restrictive and I had to one else to answer to. I lived for me. I did what I wanted when I wanted and had very few obligations to tie me down. I miss the carefree aspect of that time of my life, the opportunities I was pursuing and the things I was working on at that time but the question is, do I miss that person?
No. While I am still me, I am a very different person now and I like me now a lot better than me then. The latest version of myself has come about as a result of lots of things. Perhaps natural maturity, growth and progression should be noted, but there are components that have entered into my life in the last ten years that have had a profound impact on who I am today.
First, Denten. He truly brings out the best in me, and has from the beginning of our time together. He lifted me to new heights in school and in my own personal achievments. He supports my growth and learning and transforming. There was a distinct shift in my life at the point which he entered and I am eternally grateful for him and the positive influence he continues to have on helping me be the person Heavenly Father intended.
The second is my children, particularly Cooper. Responsibility changes a person. Becoming a mother is a pretty sure-fire way to eliminate selfishness. There simply isn't time for it. And suddenly, you're not number one anymore. There is someone who demands an incredible amount of attention and love and seeing how long I had hoped for this very experience, I jumped in with both feet. In fact, I jumped in on over-drive. Besides being an improved person as a whole now, I am a better mother now. Little Cooper got the advantage of super-imposed structure, heightened anxiety over every glitch and devitation from the expected schedule and much more worry than the poor kid deserved. Uptight. That's the word. Despite the overwhelming fact that I had another to feed and clothe and bathe and most importantly raise unto the Lord, this ongoing experience helped to shift me into another version of myself, one a notch better than the one before.
The last is me. Well, me and my Father in Heaven. I am more aware of his influence in my life now than ever before. My relationship with Him is deeper, closer and more intimate than it has been at any other time in my life. My partnership with him is closer to constant and less spotty. I can say today that I have absolutely no doubt that He exists, that he knows me and that he loves me beyond measure. I have been blessed with experiences over the last ten years that have driven me to my knees to plead like never before and the calm peaceful reassurance that He is with me has never failed. My communication with Him is easy and open and occurrs regularly throughout my day.
So do I miss the person I was before I was a mother? No. I like me better now. I don't look as good, but the important parts are better.
9 comments:
nicely put- good ideas to reflect on to be sure...i haven't taken the time in a long time to reflect on specific changes in who i was before kids and after kids. let's not say we don't look as good though- you are beautiful! actually, i can't say i wouldn't think the same thought for myself though because never have i had such puffy or dark circles under my eyes, and i certainly didn't expect it would be possible for me to lose cup size in this process (:
joking aside, motherhood has shown me a darker/or more challenging side to myself in addition to molding me into someone different in many good ways. i also think it's intensified so many particular feelings- i don't think i've ever FELT guilt, or worry, or patience, or protectiveness (of all children) or a certain kind of love to this depth before.
Very well written and thoughtful post.
That definately describes how I feel. I wouldn't change anything. And funny thing is I have a real self esteem now and its a lot higher than it was when I was super hot. I think it's the unconditional love of our spouse's and our children that make us better people. I love my "job."
My question would be--do you miss the person you were when you were a mother with children at home? I would say a resounding "yes."
Oh wow...if I am totally honest than I must say that this post made me feel a wee bit sad for me. I wouldn't for the world go back to being childless because I love my children sooo much...BUT I think I was a better person then. I feel like the Lord has thrown so much on my plate in the last 5 years and I'm still trying to catch up...I really miss the person I was when I had time to go to the temple weekly and spend an hour studying my scriptures daily...I think what I miss most is the person I was when I only had Sam. Unfortunately, I worry that I was a better mother then (I certainly enjoyed it more)...and so much has happened since that it is nearly impossible for me to disect it all and figure out if this is because of Jeff's calling or the particular children I have or something else entirely. I do love my children fiercely though and I'm grateful--oh so grateful--that I am a mother and able to be at home with my little ones!
Sorry for the novel...I think your post hit on something I have been pondering for months now :)
hmmm, definately had a better body before kids, but i must agree the important parts are better
Except for the abs I wouldn't go back. Being a Mom has helped me in so many ways. I absolutely LOVE my life. Thanks for the reminder.
I love when you talk about motherhood and especially your experiences as a mother. I have said this before but will say it again: it is so refreshing to hear such positive descriptions on being a mother.
First, you look fantastic. No sympathy for me on that one. As I sit here 9 months prego and chubby. But I did love your post. It helped me think about all I have now that I am so thankful for. Kids do marvelous things for us. Thank heavens for that!
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