Monday, March 29, 2010

just breathe.

I looked in the mirror tonight and thought, "I look tired."

I suppose it made sense, because I feel tired. It was a day where I heard myself speak to my children and my tone was less-than-nice too often. It was a day where I had to consult my to-do list every 10 minutes because I was wandering in circles. I eventually got quite a bit accomplished, but felt I was dealing with whining, and bickering more than usual.

My day culminated when, courtesy of my first-born, blue easter egg dye moved in slow motion all over sister carter's counter, chair, floor and wall. oh my. brother carter played it off as no big deal, and I figured, sure, why not leave them with a few blue spots on their baseboards to remember me by?

I walked outside to find denten and couldn't fight the tears. why are you crying? I didn't quite know how to explain. I have fifty things going on in my life, and fifty more jockying for a prime spot in my head and while they are all good things, I feel overwhelmed.

I'm grateful denten came home tonight. I'm grateful he handled bedtime. I'm grateful we had a good dinner to eat that was easy. I'm grateful I have boxes to pack and stuff to put in them. I'm grateful that Cooper wants to play "go fish" with me every single night.

I'm grateful for the best neighbors on the planet. They may be counting down the days until the madness moves away, but I honestly try not to think about it. Just this week goods have exchanged homes in the form of padded envelopes, gallon zip-locks, eggs, toys, shoes, fruit and even a haircut. The list would be endless if I tried to document every phone call asking for something needed, and it goes both ways. I pray that someday, somewhere, I will have neighbors like them again, but I know it will never be the same. The love for my kids, the service to my family, the laughs, the tears... aah, it's too much.

Tonight I'm grateful that today is over and I have another chance tomorrow. I'm grateful for all of the great opportunities my family has right now and I hope that I can handle them well. i'm ok, I'll be ok. I'll follow my mother's advice and take one thing at a time. Good night.


The Silly Witch said...

I have days like that all the time. Glad to know that you do too. You are amazing with what you are able to accomplish--almost superhuman! But today you are my sister. I'm sending you hugs from afar.

The Malone's said...

I know that I should be a little bit more sad that I too spilled the eye dye, only it was the clashing pink, and I'm an adult not a child. When ever I have days like this Trent likes to remind me that there are even bad days in Austrailia. Is that sad that sometimes the best advice comes from a children's book?

Jaime said...

Moving is the pits! I am praying for you and for a smooth transition and a calm voice. I wish I was there to help and make it that much easier and fun! Got your back from a distance.

Scrap Happy said...

Thanks for making me cry this morning! We will MISS YOU. And that's the understatement of the century.