Tuesday, February 26, 2013

smitten






Have you even been a mama to one of these?  I'm convinced that if you haven't had that opportunity on earth, Heaven will be sure you are first in line when you get up there.  

Have you ever felt joy?  Real joy that fills your whole soul?  I thought I had.  I'm sure I felt it with each of my babies before, but it's back and man, it's the best thing on earth.

I visited with a friend today who has a baby a couple months younger than Stella.  She admitted that she does not enjoy the first year of her children's lives.  At all.  I felt so bad for her as I thought about how I'd had the best day with this little girl.

Two to three years old can be tough- they get busy and messy and while they are fun as they learn so many new things, they are a lot of work.  Teenagers?  Well, that thought scares me out of my mind.  But a perfect little thing like this?  I could honestly take a hundred.  I would, too, if it didn't mean that eventually I'd have to have one hundred teenagers.  

I say I want to freeze time, to make her stop growing and have her stay just like this.  I kind of mean it.  I want her to grow and develop and I'm anxious to see what kind of amazing person is hiding inside, but it's all going way too fast.  She was just so little, like I had to be careful not to break her little.  And now all of a sudden, her hair is long enough to get in her eyes and her chubby fingers can hold her own bottle and her thighs are so squishy it's just too much.  

Her gummy smile is disappearing and it's breaking my heart because I can't go back.  I can't have those baby days with her again.  Every month that passes I think it's the best yet, that she's the most fun, the easiest and the happiest yet.  And then the next one comes and it's even better than the last.  She can sit up and play on her own.  She takes in everything around her with huge blue eyes and she laughs so hard at her brothers and sister I have to stop whatever I'm doing to come watch.  And laugh with her.  We went grocery shopping today and it was evident that without being buckled in she would have flung herself right out of the shopping cart as she kicked her little legs so hard and bounced on her bottom as she gave everyone a mega grin.  

She is joy.  She has a lifetime's worth smashed into her little, perfect, squishy body and it comes out of her eyes and her smile and her excited little kicks.  It jumps right into me and makes me so glad Heaven is on top of everything.  I mean, honestly, tell me something that could make me as happy as going into her room when she wakes up and having her look up, smile as big as her face will allow and start kicking those little leggies..  she loves me.  She totally loves me and I gotta tell ya, the feeling's mutual. I didn't know what I was missing before Stella came.


5 comments:

Alyosha said...

Oh, I feel the exact same way about Valentine. It's weird because I'm struggling with postpartum depression (again), but when I'm snuggling Valentine, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Debi said...

Stella is what happens when you pray for miracles.

Nona Haddock said...

Kiss those cute cheeks one more time for me! Amberly, I love your blog. It helps me to feel connected to you and your sweet family. You are right. This is the most precious time. I'm glad you are enjoying it.

Steph Thomas said...

Awww. So sweet. And boy, she is one ADORABLE little girl!!!

Britta said...

I love the way you write and I agree 100% - being in that same stage with Emmi...it can just about blow your heart out. :)