bombs, heros and angels

On April 15, two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  This news was devastating and disturbing on several levels, not the least of which was the fact that I have spent a good deal of time along race courses and cheering at finish lines, often with my children.  I am putting this event into the category of things that try as I may, I will not understand in this life.  I can be upset and bothered and incredibly frustrated, especially for those who worked so hard to be able to participate in the marathon and then I can choose to see the heros that inevitable emerge in situations such as this.  They are always there.  The fact that we have free agency means that bad things happen sometimes, but it does not mean we have been deserted.  It is so obvious that armies of angels surround us at all times and they were working hard on Monday in Boston.

I talked to my children briefly about what had happened and left it that there were people hurt that could use our prayers.  They seemed ok with that.  But this morning on the way to piano, it was clear that Cooper's inquiring mind had not moved on.  He wanted to know about the bombs.  That wasn't something I wanted to go into a lot of detail about... so I was brief and he had more questions.  After his lesson on the way to school he brought it up again- I just don't understand, he said.  I asked what he needed clarified, knowing that I probably wouldn't have the answers.  How do bad people become bad?  Well, that's a tough one, buddy.  We talked a little about those who don't like America, we talked about those who don't know how to handle it when they feel angry and we talked about mental illness... Those are big, heavy subjects for a ride to school!  He got quiet and said he understood all of that but as I looked in my rearview mirror, there were big tears spilling out of his eyes.  What is bothering you most, bud?  After a minute, his voice was quiet as he said, but how do I know if I'm safe?  Good grief.  I wanted to promise with all my heart that he would always be safe, I wanted to give him the guarantee he was looking for.  Well, I don't know if you'll always be safe, but I know you will always be ok.  How?  Because you have an army of angels around you.  We talked about how bad things happen because others have their agency, but Heavenly Father knows us and is aware of us and we will be ok.

We talked about finding the positive in crummy situations and recognizing that there are always good people and blessings to be found.  We talked about how bad guys can hurt people, but they can't break spirits. That while they try to be harmful, they end up bringing people together, we become stronger, kinder, more gentle and more grateful.  He felt better as he got out of the car at school, but I drove home thinking... how on earth do you explain an attack like that to a child- one who wants to wrap his head around it and have it make sense, when it all reality, it will never make any sense at all.

Thankfully he went through his day much more light-hearted and seems to have returned to his carefree self.  It's a bummer that darkness is going to reach my children and that I can't keep them in a bubble forever, but it's a blessing that there is always light close by, and the light is always stronger and always brighter and always wins.

"Like water, be gentle and strong.  Be gentle enough to follow the natural paths of the earth, and strong enough to rise up and reshape the world."  -B. Peterson

smitten

Have you even been a mama to one of these?  I'm convinced that if you haven't had that opportunity on earth, Heaven will be sure you are first in line when you get up there.  

Have you ever felt joy?  Real joy that fills your whole soul?  I thought I had.  I'm sure I felt it with each of my babies before, but it's back and man, it's the best thing on earth.

I visited with a friend today who has a baby a couple months younger than Stella.  She admitted that she does not enjoy the first year of her children's lives.  At all.  I felt so bad for her as I thought about how I'd had the best day with this little girl.

Two to three years old can be tough- they get busy and messy and while they are fun as they learn so many new things, they are a lot of work.  Teenagers?  Well, that thought scares me out of my mind.  But a perfect little thing like this?  I could honestly take a hundred.  I would, too, if it didn't mean that eventually I'd have to have one hundred teenagers.  

I say I want to freeze time, to make her stop growing and have her stay just like this.  I kind of mean it.  I want her to grow and develop and I'm anxious to see what kind of amazing person is hiding inside, but it's all going way too fast.  She was just so little, like I had to be careful not to break her little.  And now all of a sudden, her hair is long enough to get in her eyes and her chubby fingers can hold her own bottle and her thighs are so squishy it's just too much.  

Her gummy smile is disappearing and it's breaking my heart because I can't go back.  I can't have those baby days with her again.  Every month that passes I think it's the best yet, that she's the most fun, the easiest and the happiest yet.  And then the next one comes and it's even better than the last.  She can sit up and play on her own.  She takes in everything around her with huge blue eyes and she laughs so hard at her brothers and sister I have to stop whatever I'm doing to come watch.  And laugh with her.  We went grocery shopping today and it was evident that without being buckled in she would have flung herself right out of the shopping cart as she kicked her little legs so hard and bounced on her bottom as she gave everyone a mega grin.  

She is joy.  She has a lifetime's worth smashed into her little, perfect, squishy body and it comes out of her eyes and her smile and her excited little kicks.  It jumps right into me and makes me so glad Heaven is on top of everything.  I mean, honestly, tell me something that could make me as happy as going into her room when she wakes up and having her look up, smile as big as her face will allow and start kicking those little leggies..  she loves me.  She totally loves me and I gotta tell ya, the feeling's mutual. I didn't know what I was missing before Stella came.

G list

- I'm grateful for Cooper.  He had a busy day yesterday and took it all in stride.  He had three consecutive football games as his team kept advancing through the league playoffs to the championship game.  This was his first season playing football and was on a team with boys who had all played together before.  He worked hard to learn where he was supposed to be and what his role was and then executed with all he had.  By game three everyone was tired and trying to hold it together and he made sure he ended the season giving his all and having a great time.  They lost the last game but when they scored, he threw up his arms and jumped around and was as happy as could be, even knowing that it was too late to win the game.  He was complimentary to his teammates and respectful to his coach and left the field with a touchdown and a great catch at the end of the day.  I was so proud of how he played, but also of how he interacted with his teammates.

Last night he participated in the Cavalcade of Music Festival.  There were 20 pianos on stage with two pianists at each piano.  They had been learning and practicing their duets since Christmas.  Coop was dedicated to attending his rehearsals and making sure he knew his pieces well.  With everyone playing together and adding percussion, the performance was impressive.  I am so grateful that he felt confident and that performing does not make him nervous.  I am grateful that he enjoys music and the process of learning and performing.

Today Denten was out of town and we have church from noon until 3:00 with sacrament meeting last.  By the time we hit the chapel, everyone is tired and reverence is achieved with great effort.  During the sacrament I looked over at Cooper who had his arms folded, head bowed and eyes closed.  His lips were moving slightly and I had gratitude wash over me that he chose to come to this family.  He has his moments, but this kid is good and that is in spite of the fact that I keep trying to learn how to be a parent with him and heaven knows I do not get it right the first time very often.  Coop is a blessing to me and I love him so much.

- I'm also grateful for my little village.  With D gone today, I had my village to back me up as I needed to be in primary both hours and was not able to manage Stella.  Norbergs, Williams, Sabeys and Adams.. there may have been more... saved me today, and it wasn't the first time.  I'm grateful that these people love my children and that I can depend on them when I can't do it all on my own.  I was able to put my full concentration into primary without worrying one bit if my baby was ok.  Arriving home to fresh homemade wheat bread on my doorstep from Holly capped it off.  It made dinner come together easily and was just one more reminder that my family here extends outside of my home.

- I'm grateful for a text that the helicopter functioned properly and delivered D into the canyon safely.  My angels work hard, and I don't ever want them to think I don't appreciate them!

christmas 2009

Having three children who show genuine emotion without holding back makes Christmas morning pretty fun. Having all their dreams come true is pure magic.

A few highlights:

* All Cooper wanted for Christmas was a bouncy ball with a handle on top (his words). Santa delivered and he was one happy kid. He also received a soccer net and has had his dad playing goalie while he gets around him.

note: my living room previously held a trampoline that has been relocated temporarily to the loft. it now holds a rowdy game of soccer. is this what living rooms were intended for??

* Seneca received a shopping cart and a scooter. Beckham got a new car to ride in and an enormous tonka dump truck. As is par for this house, they use each other's gifts as their own and scheme together to make the most of each item.

* We all got to talk to uncle Ben on Christmas day, singing him our latest songs and telling him about our Christmas. He is having an amazing experience serving the Lord in Portland. It was wonderful to hear that while he's growing and learning, he's still our Boogs.

* Denten made gnocchi and pasta sauce and the smell alone in my house was to die for, let alone the food. He makes magic in the kitchen, I love when he has the chance to cook.

* Santa was good to Dent and I too. It's a satisfying feeling to know that there isn't much that is wanted or needed, makes me feel very fortunate to be where I am right now.

* most treasured gift of the year: quilts that Gram made for each of my children. They love them and have requested they take the place of the previous blankets on their beds. It was a surprise for me that she had spent all year quilting for everyone, what a wonderful gift!

* We have wonderful grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins that sent such thoughtful things for our family. It is so nice to see them unwrap gifts that will add to our home and that they will truly enjoy rather than more junky toys that I will secretly want to put in the garbage as soon as possible. It was a good year!



Hope yours was just as merry!

yes, dad. beckham's cars are all Porches. we're teaching him young to recognize quality.

I remember.

I remember that when I was sixteen, Christmas was different. Rather than an abundance of presents waiting for us on Christmas morning, my parents took the opportunity to create a window for my sisters and I. We left our comfortable home to visit the Philippines where my grandparents were serving in the church. Instead of buying for each other, we purchased things to take to children there who would not be having Christmas.

It may sound a bit dramatic to say that this particular experience changed me, especially at age sixteen, but it's honest and fair to say that it left a lasting impression. There are pictures, snapshots in my mind that are as vivid today as they were 20 years ago.

I remember the mall. It was huge and had American music playing. I was grasping for familiar and pop music coming through the speakers did the trick. I remember the singing cooks and waiters restaurant. I loved it so much my grandpa bought the CD for me. I remember playing it a lot after we got home.

I remember visiting an area where rows of shacks were lined up near a dirty water source. I remember walking through some of these "homes" and trying so hard to have it register that this is where people lived. Dirt floors, scrap lumber propped up and old sheets hung to serve as walls. There was no electricity or plumbing. I remember wishing we had more to give them.

I remember wearing my long crinkly skirt. It was very cool at the time, with my blue ribbed short-sleeved sweater and new sandals. I remember frizzy humidity-hair. I remember mom not feeling well. I remember grandma showing us how she washed all of her produce in bleach.

I remember smokey mountain. It was an enormous local dump. I remember breathing through my mouth into my shirt because the smell was that of rotten fruit magnified a million times. As we drove through, there were children outside my van window digging through mountains of garbage for something to eat or something worth selling. I remember how dirty they were and yet when I looked into their eyes, how human they were. They swarmed around the van trying to get a piece of candy. I remember it being dangerous to drive, there were so many people around our vehicle. I could not grasp that this is how these families lived, digging for food in the garbage that others had discarded.

I remember feeling carsick when travelling in the church van because of the smells the permeated the city.

I remember standing on the balcony of grandma and grandpa's flat in Manila on new year's eve looking over the smokey city, listening to cracks of either fireworks or gun fire, I don't know which. I remember playing Christmas carols around the piano and singing with dark-faced visitors listening.

I remember the following year, looking at our Christmas tree, piled high with presents and having conflict inside me as I was anxious to see what was inside each package with my name on it and ashamed that there was so much there when remembering how little some had.

I can not say that that particular vacation was incredibly fun or relaxing or what I typically think of when using the term "vacation," and most of the things I remember are accompanied with varying levels of discomfort. I can say that I'm grateful for the window this experience created for me, one to view the world through. A window that allowed me to see that not everyone lived like me, not everyone was as blessed as I was. I'm grateful that while I slip into mild entitlement now and then that I still have that window.

I hope to somehow create a similar window for my children, one through which they can see that not everyone is like them, one that will allow love and gratitude to seep into their hearts for people that look different and posses different things. I'm positive that that window is one of the greatest gifts my parents have ever given me.

taking a moment...

In my current state with all of the achiness, head pressure and fire in my throat, with the persistent whining, endless lists and when I'd rather be in my bed than virtually anywhere else, I could see how easy it would be to spiral quickly into the very depths of losing my mind. I needed a moment to remember that it could be a whole lot worse.

I'm very grateful for Lindsay on several levels, one being that she somehow found time to do my laundry while she was here. I have needed the things she washed the last few days and have lacked the foresight, energy or motivation to do it. I'm so glad it's done and has made things easy for me.

I'm grateful for a clean kitchen, ready to be dirtied by one of several upcoming messes.

I'm grateful for an early morning grocery run. It was complete torture pulling my aching body from my warm sheets this morning, but I'm glad I found most of what I needed and I didn't have to take sick little people to the store with me.

I'm grateful for quiet, peaceful moments in the rocking chair with my very large baby.

I'm grateful for school projects that encourage me to be creative with my kids. Artistic creativity is not my speciality and therefore doesn't happen enough in our home, but it's so fun to see what can be created when let loose with paint, glue and various artsy paraphernalia.

I'm grateful that the ailments tormenting beckham's little body don't keep him from sleeping well.

I'm grateful that Coop and Senny understand the concept of "quiet play" and do so together so I can be productive while Bex sleeps.

I'm grateful for my social network. If I lived near my mother or mother-in-law, it would be weeks like this one where I would call on them. Save me! I've hit my limit! Instead, I have a fantastic web of people around me that I can call on for a huge variety of needs. I'm grateful I'm not alone.

I'm grateful for texting. Mock if you will, but I was able to coordinate an event involving 5 different parties at the last minute today without having to use my voice, which is in a sorry state of affairs.

recording.

I want to remember:

Cooper is learning Christmas songs. The latest version:
"You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why.. Cooper is coming to town!" I laughed and asked him if he was bringing me a present. He quickly went and hid my slippers in his shirt and brought them to me, singing again. We are doing Christmas for a secret someone and all we really know about him is that he is a dad. Cooper's input on a gift included new tools, a bike, a watch or a new car. He's also brainstorming what he's going to give Seneca and Beckham for Christmas. The discussion is ongoing and changes hourly.

Seneca has been waking up at night and when she does, she requests that we go sit in the rocking chair together. I have had mixed feelings about it because I'm not going to let her think that we're taking a field trip every time she wakes up, but I love that she'll just sit and cuddle with me. Sometimes she'll request a song, sometimes she wants to pray again, but mostly we just sit and rock and man, I love her. She is a verbal little girl, call her on the phone and you'll see. She'll give you the run-down on just about anything. I think she's beautiful and I wonder if I would think that if she were not my own daughter. You know how parents always think their own kids are always cute? I'm grateful that despite the fact that she didn't grow in me, it is nothing but natural for me to love her as if she did.

Beckham is trying so hard to be big. He does his very best to keep up with his older siblings in every aspect. He and Seneca are quite the team, communicating flawlessly with each other. Most of the time I understand what they are saying to each other, but even when I don't, they get it completely. When I'm driving, Bex will try very hard to dictate which direction I go each time I approach an intersection. If I happen to go a different direction than the one his little finger is pointing to and his "iss way, mom!" well then, look out. He can throw an impressive fit when not getting his way. Sometimes I wonder where I would end up if I really went the way he wanted every time. He's the best eater in the house and can pack it away. He screams loudly and he gives awesome kisses. He has big brown flirty eyes that make you work for his affection and I'm a sucker. And he's still competing for best cheeks ever.

Gratitude month may be over, but it did its job. I'm noticing things throughout my days that I'm grateful for. even when these little ones drive me crazy, I'm grateful that I can enjoy being their mother.

it's been 30 days.

It's the last day of November. While posting daily was a challenge sometimes, I've been grateful for the opportunity to take a deeper look at the daily blessings I enjoy. I'm also grateful so many of you joined me in counting our blessings. It has been fun for me to have a peek into your lives and the things that happen daily to make you smile. I have amazing blogger friends!! Some might say that the time I spend on this particular endeavor is a waste, but I can not concur. I believe that you are inspiring. You make me want to be a better mother. You help me through potential disasters in my kitchen. You assist with my not-so-crafty side and offer practical relationship tips. You have a strong conviction of your God and the sacrifices you make for your family are commendable. I'm grateful to call you my cyber-friends!

Today I'm grateful for aunt harrie, also known as Lindsay. She's coming in two weeks and my kids can hardly wait. She's pretty much the kind of aunt anybody wishes for. I'm grateful for her patience with me as I consistently fight my tendency to be the nosey, bossy older sister. She has passion for others, deep enough to make her do great things to improve their lives. She is smart and hilarious and gorgeous. I basically love her to pieces.

I'm also grateful for socks and jackets. Very seldom can I be found without one or both on my body. I'm not sure why I was born colder than the majority of the human race, but I'm sure grateful for layers so I can hang out with other humans. Katelyn brought me a costco-size pack of footies last week and I have enjoyed a fun new stripey pair every day. My fav jacket has tried to be replaced several times, but nothing fits quite like the old thing. Warmth. I'm grateful for warmth.

Holiday decorations. We pulled ours out today and I am grateful for the magic that surrounds these fun things for my children. I have great decor that I hold dear, most reminding me of my mother as she is the queen of Christmas decorating. It's fun to share these treasures with my little ones, although having it out for a month and having them keeping their little hands off might be quite the feat!

Music. I'm grateful I learned to play Christmas carols on the piano and that Cooper insists on blasting them through the house. It reminds me what my focus should be when I get distracted. I hope I can make this month magical for my family. Tips appreciated!

Real Christmas trees. I am tempted every year to go easy... artificial, pre-lit, pull it out of a box, but thus far, Denten has kept us authentic. My house smells amazing right now and it's not from a candle. The practice makes me feel as though I'm holding onto something from my childhood as my mother never succumbed to a boxed tree. Last year tromping through the snowy forest of McCall beat all, snowshoes, Ben cutting it down and everyone hauling it out. That's the way to bring home a tree, but fortunately for us here in the desert, Home Depot ships them in. It'll do for now. In fact, it's great for now because my children think playing hide and seek in the tree lot is a pretty great time.

So long, November... it's been a good one!

grateful sunday.

Tonight I'm grateful ...

1. great food. a few favorite recipes are posted below, and more are coming!

2. sunday naps. sister lindsay, you were in my dream. we need to talk before you come watch my children! an ice-cream bucket full of popcorn does not constitute an appropriate dinner for cooper!!

3. denten cooking our turkey today. we're a few days late, but our leftovers will be great this week.

4. being able to make some sort of contact with all of my visiting teaching sisters. this is a breakthrough for me with some of my sisters.

5. a free morning tomorrow to catch up around here. I feel like life has been nonstop for 2 weeks and I need some down time to get back on top of things at home. Here's to hoping for a slow week!

blessings on saturday.

1. I'm grateful for my family. They were all together for Thanksgiving and I missed them. I love my own little family and we had a great time with friends, but I truly enjoy being with my family and I'm grateful for that.

2. I'm grateful for great baby-sitters. The kind you can leave your kids with and know everything will get done well... naps, dinner, bedtime, and playtime instead of tv. When I have time away from my children, I don't want to be worrying about them the whole time. Good baby-sitters are wonderful blessings.

3. I'm grateful for the peace I feel in my life.

4. I'm grateful for pot stickers. and Asian food in general, but particularly pot stickers tonight.

5. I'm grateful for disposable diapers. With two little bottoms going through multiple daily, there is absolutely zero desire on my part to save the environment through cloth diapers. I'll find other ways to be green... as for the bottoms, pampers cruisers are the only way to go.

Friday

1. a visit from kari ann. girls night out, reminders about what the important things are.

2. a completely quiet house with (almost) everyone asleep for two full hours.

3. peppermint joe joe's from trader joe's.

4. retracted.

5. lunch at the park with dad present. the fact that these people belong with me.

Grateful on Thanksgiving

1. I'm grateful for Denten. He's funny and smart and hot. He's faithful to me and to his Heavenly Father. He's consistent and a wonderful father.

2. I'm grateful for Cooper. He is hilarious and tender. He is smart and kind. He is a lot like me and therefore occasionally aggravating, but I'm sure glad Heavenly Father saw fit to send him to me.

3. I'm grateful for Seneca. She is beautiful and full of life. She is clever and happy. She is emotional and enthusiastic. She both makes me crazy and melts my heart. I thank Heaven every day for the fact that she found her way to our home.

4. I'm grateful for Beckham. He is charming and lovable. He is mellow and squishy. He is developing an opinion yet still often agreeable and easy-going. He is miracle number three and appreciated no less than the first.

5. I'm grateful for my Savior and the sacrifice he made so that I can have the experiences I'm having. I'm grateful for second chances with my children and for a future that will last into eternity. I'm grateful for the covenants I have made with my husband. I'm grateful for my life.

grateful for mom.

Today marks the anniversary of my mother's entrance into the world. Man, I'm glad that happened. I'm incredibly grateful for her today.

- I'm grateful that she took the time to teach me how to take care of things and people. I realize now that doesn't just happen. I know how to set a table properly and use good manners. I know how to really clean a bathroom. I know what is appropriate to wear in certain situations (no denim at church!). I know that good knives don't go in the dishwasher. I know how to take care of my clothes. I know that holidays are magical. I learned through patient teaching and example.


- I'm grateful that my mom believes in me without limitations. If she believed I had limitations, she sure never shared that with me. She expected great things of me and never doubted (to me) that I could succeed. She helped me memorize talks for church. She pushed me in piano because she believed I could be great. She expected me to do well in school and didn't accept excuses. She never held me back or led me to believe that I wasn't good enough to accomplish something. She has always been a wonderful personal cheerleader.

- I'm grateful that my mother is persistent. Meningococcal meningitis put up a good fight, but mom persisted, conquered and survived. Her angels knew I still needed her. Her persistence eventually taught me that ramen is not a healthy meal, that curfews are in place for a reason and that kissing too many boys has its downside. And that listening to my mother the first time really does save heartache and consequence.

- I'm grateful that she "gets" me. I'm grateful I can call with petty frustrations and rather than judgement I receive a listening ear and gentle advice. She understands when I've "had it" and when I need a break. She knows where I'm coming from and what my intentions are. Most of all she knows what I need to hear and offers clarity when my world feels muddled.

- I'm grateful that she supports me unfailingly as a wife and mother. She loves and admires my husband and adores my children. She compliments my mothering skills and respects the way we're raising our children.

I am like my mother in many ways, enough that we have the ability to drive each other a little bit crazy. It's probably good we don't live next door to each other as we both need our space, but I love her dearly and need her on a regular basis. I value our time together and am incredibly grateful Heavenly Father had the wisdom to make her my mom.

catching up on my blessings.

Sunday, November 22

- I'm grateful that the day was smooth for everyone in our party. I'm grateful that the kids were good, there weren't any major meltdowns and that I had a lot of help keeping them happy and occupied.

- I'm grateful Denten enjoyed his experience, that he didn't have any injuries or pain great enough that they prevented him from completing his race in a time he was proud of.

- I'm grateful for the support of our family and friends. There were many who were not present who were rooting for Dent from afar. It warmed my heart to know that there were those out there who wanted nothing but Denten's complete success.

- I'm grateful for modern technology. My dad was able to track D and Wade online all through the day and feel a part of the excitement. My sisters and I texted all through the day giving a head's up that one of the boys was coming, or coordinating our locations. It made the day so easy and smooth.

- I'm grateful that I had a bed to fall into at the end of the day. I did not physically move 140.6 miles, but I was majorly tired.


Monday, November 23

- I'm grateful for a great energy appointment where the inspiration needed was fully present.

- I'm grateful that Denten's body is feeling great, all things considered.

- I'm grateful that I have things to look forward to to help overcome the post-race cloud that has settled over me.

- I'm grateful that we have tons of delicious leftovers in the fridge.

- I'm grateful I didn't have anything major obligations outside of my home today.


Tuesday, November 24

- I'm grateful that we have Thanksgiving plans with great friends.

- I'm grateful for a hot shower.

- I'm grateful for a husband that comes home at the end of the day.

- I'm grateful for my clean microwave. I know I mentioned it before, but it makes me smile every time I open it. My mom was completely grossed out and cleaned it for me. I love her many times a day for it.

- I'm grateful that my kids look out for each other. I'll often hear Seneca ask Beckham if he's ok and he'll answer, "yeah." She'll respond with ok and they'll both move on.

Nov. 22: The Big Day.

Tonight I am grateful that the Arizona Ironman was even better than we'd been dreaming it would be. An absolutely amazing experience. More later. I'm going to bed with an Ironman tonight. I'm so happy.

ironman eve. grateful tonight.

I have major reporting to catch up on, but it's going to have to wait until next week. Tonight, I am grateful for:

- my mother. she had her knee replaced last month and still made the effort to come to be with us this weekend. she's taking care of my children, taking out my garbage, doing my dishes, folding my laundry and... get ready... cleaning out my microwave. the one thing I hoped she wouldn't notice because I sure didn't get to it. she's such a trooper and I love her like crazy.

- the competitive edge that is ingrained in cooper. he did the kids ironman one-mile race today and while the full report is coming, let's just say the kid has drive. way more than his mother (who couldn't keep up with him).

- neighbors who are THE BEST. really. they came to my rescue again today. without them I would be in major trouble sometimes. while both of us dream about living somewhere else someday, I'm just not sure we could do it, because they are absolutely irreplaceable.

- a delicious and delightful pre-race dinner with friends and family and our star athletes. grilled chicken and veggies, rice, salad, grilled bread and a wicked chocolate cake. three grandmas, one grandpa, two aunts, one uncle and a cousin who is getting loved on more than she can handle.

- the opportunity to ring my cow bell, wave my sign, chalk up the street all in honor of the guy who has spent the last year preparing his mind and body for an amazing endeavor. snacks are packed, diapers are a plenty, layers are laid out ready to put on little bodies, everyone has been sent to bed anxious to rise nice and early to cheer on our dad. it's gonna be awesome!!

**bonus question: what are you getting your mother-in-law for christmas??

grateful on nov. 20

I wish that I was more organized about this here grateful project, but at this point it is what it is.

I'm very grateful for my sisters today. They have both arrived safely, they both love and humor my children and have extra patience seeing as the energy level shoots up a few levels when they have an audience.

I am grateful for early bedtimes. It's 6:30 and two of three are down... the last one on his way. I'm exhausted and the fun hasn't even begun!

I'm grateful for the energy and excitement of a crowd. The elecricity at certain sporting events is good for me. We ventured to the race course today for a practice swim and registration and the thrill is already in the air. It just radiates off of everyone. It's positive and encouraging.

I'm grateful for the location of denten's work building. It's making this weekend super smooth to have a homebase complete with a place for babies to nap and a fridge and microwave. There could not be a more perfect spot for this event.

I'm grateful for Ms. Krysten. Cooper had a little Thanksgiving program today at school that followed his feast. She and Mr. Andy are absolutely amazing. The environment they provide suits Cooper very well. It is a place where he thrives and learns. I have much more on this subject another time, but I'm tired, so tonight, I'm just grateful.


**Bonus question: what is your favorite holiday album? what do you listen to in the car, or when you're baking... what one album do I need to download??

today's gratefuls

- d's dedication to provide for our family. it's almost 9 p.m. on the eve of a major weekend and he's still finishing up at work. I'm grateful that he takes his work seriously and that he enjoys what he does. he has built a great relationship with those he works with and has proved himself valuable at his firm. I'm grateful for his dedication.

- guests. if all else fails, knowing favorites are coming to stay motivates me to clean my house. it sparkled for about 30 minutes today before I let my children back inside.

- easy dinners. tonight it was sweet pork tacos with the assistance of the crockpot. so easy and so yummy.

- creme puffs from fresh and easy. oh divine bliss... I gotta hurry, katelyn already started hers without me.

- days full of family... mom, sisters, cousins, beautiful weather outside. it's gonna be a great weekend.

11.18

- moose munch. found at target. it's a special treat seeing as it's over $4 for a small portion, but oh man, it's good.


- a great car wash. I found a new one close to me. they are thorough, inside and out, and I'm picky. no eating in the car allowed!


- friends who help in last-minute rescue situations... lifesavers!

- music. I could say a lot on this subject, but today I'm grateful that it helps my children learn. Cooper is recognizing the number of intervals between notes in songs and it's so fun to hear him point them out. He's also working on his articles of faith and having them set to music is so much easier... for me! Seneca and Beckham have our bedtime songs memorized and sing along with me before they go to sleep. Music makes learning in our home fun and easy.

- anticipation. this is the weekend we've been preparing for for a year. family begins arriving tomorrow, excitement is ever-present!

grateful on the 17th

Today I'm grateful for my dad. The esteem I have for my dad is greater than can be expressed in a 5-a-day post, but he makes the list nonetheless. My dad is truly handsome. I have always thought so. A few things I am grateful for and admire regarding my dad:

- he is disciplined and meticulous. he is faithful with his exercise regimens, he loads the dishwasher with a slight bit of OCD (and passed it on to me), he takes impeccable care of his possessions and understands that obedience brings forth blessings.

- he calls me sometimes just to chat. to see how I'm surviving, to comment on a photo of beckham's face or to share a compliment or funny story. I love when he calls.

- he's got his feet on the ground. he dreams big and probably believes in miracles, but he's grounded in reality and occasionally helps me find my way back there.

- he has taken great care to provide fantastic opportunities for his family. whether it be travels, education or exposure to things outside of the local community, he offered them readily to his children and is now doing the same for the next generation. while he may be dubbed the banks family atm, his focus has always been on the experience, not the expense.

- he plans and he prepares. seriously. as in, we have things on the calendar many months in advance because he just can't help but plan ahead (another inherited urge). as in, he must take an afternoon while on vacation to prepare his sunday school lesson even though he knows the material inside out.

- he lets us make mistakes. somehow he found the perfect balance between letting us sink and bailing us out just enough when we've taken a wrong turn. high school was not full of rescues, but rather those gosh darn natural consequences that hurt like you know what.

- he's a lover of fine things. he does not read paperback books or wear bargain clothing. he drives fancy, enjoys a great meal, and exposed his family to classic music and theater. and while his work ethic may not be in the form of boots and work jeans, my dad is not lazy. he has put in many taxing hours building a company that he can only be proud of.

He was the first man I loved. He promised not to tell my husband that I would always love him a little bit more. I'm sure glad Heavenly Father chose him to watch over me while in my early years... and still. He's pretty much amazing.