tuesday.

I have artists living in my house. In fact, they believe that this house is their art gallery. The actual house, as in the walls. We have spent a lot of time coloring lately and somewhere along the line the crayons and pencils moved from the paper to the walls. We spent some quality time with the Mr. Clean magic eraser today. That thing is a lifesaver.

Seneca may or may not be asleep in her bed right now with ballet slippers on her feet. That's how excited she is to start dance class tomorrow.

She has also thrown some impressive tantrums this week. Gotta give the girl points for stamina. And me too.

Bex has been completely delightful lately. He got his hair cut Sunday and is so dang cute I can't handle it. He does things I think are funny just to get me to laugh at him like pull his jammie pants way up high. He's an awesome eater and goes to bed without a fuss.

Cooper and I have been reading the the first book in the Boxcar Children series at bedtime after scriptures. This is a change-up from Magic Tree House. The chapters are longer, but we're both liking it. I never really read these books, although I think one of my sisters really liked them... Katelyn, maybe?

Adoption certification is final. I feel perfectly content right now that the right little spirit will join our family whenever the time is right. I don't think it will happen quickly, but I'm not in charge.

Shout out to my dad who was a year older Sunday. He's pretty much the coolest old man I know, but don't tell him that. He gets a big head easily.

We made a decision on lights for the entry, dining and living rooms. They're pretty cool and I'm excited to get them up!

Coop had music class today. He came home excited to show me the chords he was learning, except that he doesn't know they are called chords yet... they are "tricks with his fingers." Love it. This program is really cool. We are practicing five days a week, which I thought would be a lot, but it's been fun and I love the things he's learning while thinking he's playing. brilliant.

I said the word, "cool" a lot in this post.

Denten just walked in from his swimming lesson. Better go give him some love. He is my one and only, you know. 'night.

change.

our ward was dissolved yesterday. what used to be our ward was split right down the middle, both pieces combined with other areas. why is that so hard? the gospel is still true, we will still worship and serve and love, so why is it so hard? is the social aspect of attending church so strong that we fight having to attend with different people? some have. a lot. I'm sad to be separated from some people that I know I won't see as often, but it's not the same for me as it is for some who have been here for many years and raised their families together. a sister told me today that she will miss most those whom she has served with. it's true that we come to love those we serve and serve with. I'm excited for new opportunities for me and for my family. I'm hopeful for a boy cooper's age, as there have been zero so far. I didn't think this change would be so hard for me, I didn't realize how much I looked forward to being with my ward family. It hurts a little. However, there are amazing families still with us and we have been added to others that will be amazing as well. my thoughts aren't organized as I think about all the aspects of this change, but I'm feeling loss, more than I anticipated.

growth doesn't come without change. right? right. get out of the box and grow a little. my box was just getting comfortable. guess there's more growing to do. let's get a move on.

friday morning.

Cooper has invited a bunch of new friends to come swimming after school today. A party required a major yard clean-up. We all worked hard yesterday and dad went in late to work this morning to help us finish up. Well, some of us cleaned up… some of us played on the swings.

I’ve long been aware of socks disappearing in the laundry, but we have a problem of them disappearing before they even make it there. Cooper has gone through all of his and my socks and even after doing all the laundry, there were no clean ones to be found today. Getting socks to the laundry after you take them off is proving a difficult task! And he insists on wearing shoes and socks each day because they are comfortable and he can run faster in them than in his sandals or flip-flops.

Seneca gets random bloody noses, mostly at night or first thing in the morning. Not frequently, but randomly.

Beckham gets random kisses from his mother. Mostly all day, during the night and first thing in the morning. Frequently and randomly.

Both of these littles aren’t so little anymore. They tell me this every day. Look, mom! I’m getting bigger! They take good naps and eat their food because it makes them bigger. Sometimes they forget their manners and stand up on their chair at the table to show me just how big they are getting.

I need to take advantage of gap’s 30% off this weekend. I’d prefer to go to a store and make my selections, but this weekend may be too full to squeeze that in. I suppose an online order isn’t so bad.

I’ve been having tomato sandwiches regularly for lunch. It’s unbelievable, I know, considering my previous extreme dislike for tomatoes and mayo, which are both a vital part of this sandwich. They are supposed to be broiled, but I just grill mine. sourdough bread, or some yummy olive oil and rosemary bread I found, tomato slices that have been sitting in balsamic vinegar, herbed mayo with oregano and garlic, spinach and parm cheese. Denten can’t handle tomatoes or vinegar, so this combination is repulsive to him, but it’s satisfying something for me these days!

Before Coop runs out the door with his dad in the morning, he must give his younger siblings a hug and kiss good-bye. He insists even if he’s running a little late. He’ll tear through the house or yard until he finds them, give them a big hug and tell them to have a great day. Sometimes if the hug lasts too long, they all tip over and end up in a big laughing heap on the floor. He also makes it a point to find them when he gets home. I’m grateful he loves them and acknowledges that they miss him when he’s gone all day.

read all about it!

do you live in slc? do you love me? go here and buy me cute things!! if you don't live there then you can go here and shop from your own little home... although that won't be near as fun as a garden party with dresses on sale for $5!!

wind, running, dance, privacy.

- we had some major wind and rain come through quick last night. I wish the rain and thunder would have lasted longer, but the wind did significant damage in it’s short lifespan. the yard is a disaster, although we were lucky to not lose any trees. I love summer storms.

- Denten gave me a turn to go running outside this morning. He’s been training with a group of guys who are hardcore. they go running or biking 5 days a week and it’s intense. twelve miles is an easy, during-the-week run, saturday they busted out 21. and they’re fast. I’ve been relying on the treadmill for my runs, but I prefer being outside. He told me to go run by the canal today because that’s what the cool kids do. I liked it. It was a little cloudy and breezy and the sun made all kinds of cool colors in the sky when it was rising. I have been pushing my pace this week because the pregnant sister doesn’t want to be embarrassed by me in Bar Harbor next month. I’m not fast. I’m ok with that, but she’s not, so I’m working on it. I mean, if I had more pride it might bother me that my younger and pregnant sister is going to kick my tail, but I don’t, so it doesn’t.

- I registered Seneca for dance class yesterday. We went to meet her teacher and turn paperwork in and she was beside herself that she couldn’t stay and dance immediately. I consoled her by saying that we had to get her special pink ballet slippers first. The giddiness was genuine and adorable. Jumping around in a tutu with slippers on with her friends is pretty much heaven.

- I’ve been thinking that more needs to be documented as to our daily goings-on and my thoughts about stuff that the world (you) probably doesn’t care about or that I don’t care for you to know. Shocking, I know, coming from the girl who appears to have no privacy levels at all. But there’s stuff. Stuff that needs to be written but not necessarily read so I’m toying with the idea of another blog or online journal of sorts that’s just for me. Trouble is, I don’t want to have to update and maintain two of these babies. hmm. for example, no one really cares to read about the fact that dutch got new tires last weekend or that I finally cleaned my car after denten said, "I thought you said you were never going to let our car look like this." it should be noted that our adoption certification should be complete this week, but it doesn't need a whole public post. I've already written much on my thoughts regarding cooper and school and the current situation versus what I wish it was- 99% of it will never be read by anyone because it just shouldn't, but it needed to be written. stuff like that. in my head, of no consequence to anyone else.

- Bex is totally ready to be potty-trained. He’s practically doing it himself and being so patient for me to get on board. I think I’m ready too, but we are leaving for the Labor Day weekend and I might want to wait until after travels. Speaking of travels, I think I have five little trips planned in the next three months, which is awesome to me. I love having getaways to look forward too. And two are kid-free… yippee!

- I’m reading the princess academy by shannon hale. It’s ok so far, I’m ready to dive into the Hunger Games series, but want to wait until I have all the books so I don’t have to wait between them. I couldn’t find the second one at costco a while ago… better check again.

- I need the fall line-up to begin. There is zero good tv on right now and last night I had an abundance of clean laundry to fold. We settled on America's Got Talent for a few minutes. My critique? If that what talent is these days, we are in sad, sad shape in this country. What a waste of air space. My dvr is sad and empty, give me the good stuff!!

- fresh vacuum lines on my carpet make me happy. so do little feet running all over. can’t have both for very long!

holy smokes.

if one wondered why dr. laura is off the air, wonder no more. denten brought this audio to my attention today. dr. laura has had a few nuggets of wisdom during her time, but i've never really liked her. i think it has to do with an air of self-righteousness that she carries. this particular conversation is amazing. not in a good way. I tried to embed, but it's not working. if you've got five minutes, click HERE. there is a transcript of the call, but listening to the audio is pretty powerful. tip: if you have children in the room, please plug in earbuds. it takes a minute for the audio to load, be patient.

never, never, never is it ok for a white woman to use the n-word. it's just not. if for no other reason than simple respect. unfortunately, respect was one thing she did not show any of for her caller.

excuse me now. there is handwriting, art projects and music class to attend to... however, if you have thoughts to share, I'd love to hear them!

girlfriends

This week found me with different groups of girlfriends on four separate occasions. While I could say that living away from family means I need them more, the truth is that I imagine I would still need them just as much. I thought after I left New York that I would never find girls I loved as much as those dear friends. It took a while, but the south Phoenix girls are ones that I enjoy immensely and admire greatly. I am blessed to have incredibly talented friends who take me just as I am. I had the same fear moving here that I would struggle for girls I could connect with and really be comfortable with. Again, it took a few months, but there are a few that I see bits of myself in and enjoy being with. As chance would have it, our ward is being realigned next week and I think I am being separated from a good number of them. There are awesome girls in this area, some a little further south, some west, all who humor me enough to drive to hang out with me on occasion.

Don't get me wrong, I've got an awesome husband, but I need my girls. Conversations with my girlfriends can revolve around topics oh, so trivial and some incredibly important to each of us. We discuss celeb gossip, fashion and home decor. We commiserate and conquer issues around being stay-at-home moms and attempting to raise righteous children. We support personal ambitions, brainstorm and problem-solve. Cooking , sex, money, hair, coupons, exercise and education... we've covered it all. My friends challenge me. They give me new ideas to mull over, they listen and advise. They make me laugh my head off and occasionally share tears. I can count on them to be supportive in whatever I am pursuing and to love my children dearly.

I am blessed to have great friends all across the country, ones that share ideals, some that don't and love me just the same. They are fabulous examples of strong women who embrace where they are in life and are constantly reaching higher. They are partners in their marriages, great mothers and have maintained an identity while performing those roles. I haven't been in this area long enough to be up in arms about new changes coming like many around me, but I was sad when I realized that most likely I would not be in the same ward with some of these women that I had come to develop relationships with. Denten reminded me that while we may be losing families, we will most likely be gaining new ones and with that comes the possibility to create new friendships. Starting over can be discouraging, but I do it with the hope to find friends like those already in my life. I am lonely without my girlfriends and am very grateful to have them.

(chances are they include you. I love you!)

do you ever...

... find yourself picking up books and returning them to the bookshelf All. Day. Long?

... simply pretend your children aren't there after they get out of bed 57 times?

... close your eyes as you pass the laundry room so you don't have to see what's in there?

... get excited to see a package by your front door only to find a new phone book?

... put a child back to bed at 5:20 a.m. only to hear him clanking around in the garage at 6?

... send your children outside to eat at least three meals after you've mopped the floor?

... wonder how long your school boy will eagerly kiss and hug you before he runs to class?

... put on your jacket and wonder why the sleeves are all wet?

... mandate 20 minutes of eyes closed even when there is very strong insistence that he's not tired?

... wonder why it's so quiet and find two little ones sitting side by side on their potties doing their thing?

... hear your oldest use the words, "opportunity" and "appreciate" in a prayer?

... listen to imagination seeping out of them in the next room and wonder where it came from?

... feel as though taking a time out in your room with a book would be in the best interest of everyone?

... feel grateful that you dumped something in the crock pot in the morning so there was dinner available?

I like

friends. and shrimp. and nights that involve both.

when denten teaches primary.

pedicures.

playing the piano after dinner while denten cleans the kitchen.

my singing and dancing children.

hot summer nights.

a full calendar of events this week.

the potential for changes in my bathroom.

cooper's artwork.

beckham's willingness to eat just about anything for dinner.

sleeping in. past 5:30 a.m.

sunday afternoon reading and naps.

thursday journaling

this morning we got coop and dad out the door, then the kids entertained themselves while I had a date with the treadmill. after that I had a date with the vacuum and then we were off. we hit target (where we scored some great $1 learning time deals... thanks ashlee!), trader joe's (where beckham learned he could push his own cart... and so did senny. thank heavens it wasn't busy in there) and fry's (where seneca found the potatoes first in our treasure hunt and grabbed one from the bottom of the nicely stacked pile. luckily her mom is a quick catch, disaster averted). beckham's favorite thing to listen to in the car when we're running errands these days is "mike and the bike." he sings the song that accompanies the story and it's pretty funny. we are all loving books on CD from the library. we listen to them whenever we are in the car, they love to follow along in the backseat. it was a full morning of errands with these little ones, but we're set for a few good dinners and snacks.

speaking of snacks, I think peanut allergies are a pain! I know several friends who deal with this in their kids and I completely feel for them. one of the things on the kindergarten wish list was snacks, so we got two boxes of trail mix packs from costco... only to find out that one of the kids in another class has a nut allergy and no nuts in any form are allowed in any of the classrooms. that eliminates the almond butter or peanut butter sandwich option for coop's lunch. it eliminates a lot of snack options... what is a healthy snack that has protein and doesn't involve nuts? I think this allergy is becoming more common and while it isn't that big a deal for me to work around it, I imagine it would be super hard to try to deal with it in my home. I also think energy work can eliminate many of the food allergies kids and adults deal with today. if only they knew!

I had to wake the kids up today to go get coop, that's a bummer, but we all had great learning time when he got home. senny and beckham are working on same and different and their letters. seneca knows the sounds of many of her letters, but not necessarily the names of the letters, which I figure is ok considering it's the sounds you need to read, not the letter names. beckham is great at the action... for example, show him a "k" and he'll stand up and kick with vigor while repeating the "k" sound, or pretend to lick a lollipop when he sees letter "l." cooper finished some stuff for school (coloring. seriously, he's doing things that are beyond seneca's ability level. killing me. restraining myself) and then we played a flashcard game and did subtraction problems. miss krysten was a genius when teaching this kid math. still love her to pieces. they enjoyed popsicles outside then helped pick up the family room while I started dinner. it was a good afternoon.

tonight I've got the parent orientation for coop's music class. I'm excited for him to get started again and so is he. and denten promised he's mow the lawn. you know it's way past time when the kids are lifting up their knees when running across the yard... beckham was golfing out there this morning and denten said it was like he was playing in the rough, poor kid. hey, at least it's thick and green.

wednesday ramblings

sometimes when I ask seneca to do something, she answers me, "yes, master" and salutes. I don't know where she got it, but it's hilarious.

beckham did awesome watermelon rolls off the diving board today at swim lessons.

coop had a great first day of school. he didn't so much appreciate the writing practice I had him do at home, but if he doesn't get it at school, he'll have to do it at home! school gets out right in the middle of nap time... gotta find a solution to that. there is a bus option, but I don't like that he would spend an extra half hour on the bus when I can just bring him right home.

we have termites. joy, joy, joy.

last week we got a new water heater. we have a new a/c fan. we need tile in the bathroom, I have three toilet devices in my bathroom currently and there has been talk of getting rid of the stinky family room carpet. I'm pretty sure there will be a project around here until I die. if only all these trees had money on them...

school has begun, which should mean fall, but it doesn't. I still sweated through 105 degrees during swimming today. I don't mind the heat, but it seems weird that school is in and it doesn't smell crisp outside.

my kids think it's fun to put on socks and skate around. cheap entertainment.

speaking of entertainment, this afternoon beckham was playing the piano and seneca was up on the ladder with her microphone, belting out something dramatic.

several have asked if I cried today as I sent my little boy to school. no. I kind of thought I would, but I've been crying pretty solid for the last two weeks about other school issues and I guess I didn't have any left today. he was fine, so I was fine. his school experience is a sensitive topic. I hold it together if I don't think much about it.

I'm pretty sure there were more articles of clothing, bedding and towels in my laundry room than in the rest of the house combined earlier this week. I literally had to step over piles to get to my broom closet. it was all sorely neglected. I'm pleased to say that this afternoon the floor is clear and the bins are empty. and it's almost all put away. that's major. you may be proud of me. denten will think there was a laundry miracle.

I'm in a dinner rut. Am I always in a dinner rut? I need to print off ashlee's cookbook, I think it holds answers for me.

a school boy

Dear Mrs. H,

You asked us to let you know a little about Cooper... I'm happy to introduce him to you!

Cooper has had a few years at a great preschool. He has enjoyed both the academic learning experiences as well as the social opportunities. He is reading and shows a fun sense of satisfaction when he figures out new words. He has been reading Bernstein Bears books to us lately and enjoys listening to the Magic Tree House books. He also reads his scriptures with us each night. He can be a little impatient with his writing when I think he’s being lazy and not giving me his best work. Cooper enjoys basic addition and subtraction but we haven’t gone much further than that with math.

Cooper doesn’t know any other children in Kindergarten at I (school) but is eager for friends. He can be quiet and shy until he warms up, but he’s a lot of fun after that.

He is a registered member of the Navajo tribe. You’d never know from his blond hair! His great-grandmother still raises sheep on the reservation. Cooper enjoys getting together with his Bitsilly cousins every year for a reunion.

Cooper loves to play soccer and swim. He likes to ride his bike, snow ski and tried water skiing for the first time this summer. He has a competitive streak and likes to push himself to succeed.

He loves to play games. UNO and ‘go fish’ are regulars at our house.

Cooper is the big brother in our home. He has two younger siblings- Seneca is three and Beckham is two. He is a patient and kind brother. Cooper has a sweet spirit, I hope you will get a chance to know him and that you both will enjoy this year together.

Good luck, Cooper!! We love you like crazy!!

swimming, tractors, reading

seneca started learning breathing to the side today in swimming. it's kind of hilarious to watch her little body turn to lay on her side and then continue swimming. she laughed all the way through the lesson being super silly.

beckham thinks he can do anything his siblings can do. if seneca can do a knee-dive, then he can too! this will prove to be a great thing if his siblings give him good things to exemplify.

we cleaned out cooper's clothes today removing all the too-small stuff and organizing new school stuff. he's got enough everyday clothes but is seriously lacking in pajamas and sunday clothes. he sleeps in jammie pants with holes in the knees or that are way too short. his sleep shorts look like they belong on beckham! his sunday shirts are getting too small and he wants more tie variety.

the tractors were pulled out this morning. and then the barn needed to be put together. and then all of the farm fencing. and then we needed animals and farmers... my family room looks like a ranch but at least everyone is getting along. uncle ben would be proud.

cooper built an eagle's nest. he used every possible blanket and pillow and is planning to spend quiet time in his nest with his library books. sounds good to me.

this afternoon we get to meet Coop's teacher and have him see his new school. we're both excited to get this party started!

I am reading Keeping Faith and I like it, but I'm not getting through it as fast as I would like. Every time I go to read I can't keep my eyes open for very long. I have been so tired- this week has got to bring better sleep than last.

two dates.

I had two dates today. The first was with Seneca to get her hair cut. She found the scissors again this week and wasn't nearly as gentle as the first time. We tried to keep some length and just taper it back, taking about two inches off the back, but it still doesn't look good. We need to make it shorter. But she was great about getting it cut... didn't move a muscle.

The second was with Cooper. We went school shopping. I debated going without him thinking he wouldn't really care what I got, but decided it would be fun to do it together. Seems the kid has his own opinions and they vary greatly from mine sometimes. Some of the stuff we came home with would not have been purchased had I gone on my own. Especially his backpack. We talked about avoiding the skull and crossbones motif, but in the end it was his very favorite. My opinions are being overturned on several issues around here lately, seems they are not as important as I thought they were. I found it hard to buy jeans and long-sleeve shirts when it's still 100 degrees outside, but there were very few summer clothes left to choose from. We got a few things simply because they were on sale, but they won't be worn for a few months still. We did agree on a cool pair of shoes, avoiding anything that lights up. Thank heavens. Cooper is proving to continue his long and lean trend. He is easily a size 6 in pants, some I would have preferred even a little longer, but they drown him around the waist. Thank goodness for adjustable waists, belts and slim fit.

We talked a little about what school will be like next week and what he can expect. This has been hard for me because he is not going to be having the experience at school that I was hoping he would, but I want to be genuinely excited for him and for this adventure. It was fun to spend the day with him, to talk about what kinds of things he'd like to take for lunch and what his days will be like. There is going to be more expected of him at home in regards to learning time and homework due to what might be lacking at school. I feel somewhat inadequate to give him what he needs, but I have access to great resources and he has a great desire to do well and keep learning.

I have many thoughts on my oldest child starting school. We talked today about when he was born, how small he was, what he wore. I told him I was sad he was getting so big and that I wish he would listen to me and quit growing. He told me to be patient, that I would get another baby and it was ok that he was getting bigger. Somehow the discussion incorporated the idea of adoption so we spent some time talking about what that means. I love that he doesn't see his sister as different. He likes the idea of another baby coming to our family that way someday and said that because he was big, he could be very helpful with a new baby. He is caught between two worlds right now, sometimes seeming so innocent and sheltered and sometimes talking about such wise things I wonder where it came from. I am not looking forward to the exposure to certain new things that will inevitable meet him at school. We have enjoyed a blind eye to pop culture and media characters that I'm afraid will no longer be secret. I'm trusting that he will keep his focus where it should be and his sweet little spirit as he navigates this new world. He said he would be patient with me as I have never been a mom to a kindergartner before. He said we could learn how to do it together. I like that.

We finished the day by going to dinner tonight to use gift certificates the kids got from the library this summer for their reading program. I love my kids.

it rained this morning during breakfast.  it didn’t last nearly long enough.

a good day.

I have had some not-so-good days this week, but today was a good day. Today I was a good mom and my kids were good kids.

I wrote a letter to my brother while the kids had learning time this morning. Seneca is tracing letters and I was amazed at how well she did with it today. She stayed right on the lines and was very dedicated to the task. She did the entire board 4 times even when her brother had finished and was waiting to play with her. “when I get done with my writing,” she’d say. She has a very focused, studious side to her- it comes out when she’s coloring or reading as well.

We went swimming after naps today and it was delightful. Sometimes we go swimming because I know we should- I know it’s good for them, but today it was good for me. I had a great time with my kids. I had been working earlier with the little ones on having them get on their backs after they jump in the water. Seneca mastered it earlier this year and Beckham showed no interest and didn’t appear to have the skill. We tried again today and he’s almost there. I was so proud of him watching as he tried so hard to do it on his own. I’m grateful that it is clicking and that he was willing to try over and over today. Cooper and I worked on me throwing the ball as he jumped off the board while he tried to catch it in the air. His dad must be pretty good at this trick, but Coop was patient with me and we got it. He swam laps with me today, doing all of our strokes. It felt good to release tension in the water and just swim.

We didn’t get out of the pool until after 5 and I hadn’t started dinner. We had a shower party, got everyone clean and in jammies and then they played so great while I did almond chicken, garlic potato fries and green beans. They got out the blocks and wedgits and were so creative building roads, buildings, robots and machines. I was so grateful that they played so well together while I got dinner together. They all ate a great dinner and we laughed a lot today. We kissed and read stories and tickled. We tuned music up loud and they all danced. Beckham and I made a very cool train track. We decided we need more geotrax pieces. I think heaven knew I needed a day like this. I’m so grateful for my kids and for their patience with me. I was grateful for a better day.

thank you to...

...the library for books that kept the littles entertained whilst I removed carpet. carpet has no place in a bathroom, much less a bathroom that gets used primarily by children.

...the carpet tack that stabbed me for not being one of the rusty ones.

...dad for having a boys chat with cooper about hitting the target whilst relieving himself. perhaps now I can keep a toilet clean in this house for longer than 12 hours.

...orowheat for making sandwich thins. just the right amount of bread for a great turkey sandwich.

...to trader joe's for making fruit snacks that don't make me gag, and actually count as a serving of fruit!

...to odwalla for providing a smoothie that gave me more than half of my recommended fruit consumption for the day.

...to shello who introduced me to TJ's dark chocolate almonds... with sea salt. sinful, except that they're not that bad for you. I don't really even like dark chocolate, but the sweet and salty combo is irresistible.

...to geotrax and an assortment of balls and imagination that occupied children whilst I relocated books from the den closet to the shelf that finally has a home in the living room.

...to shannon hale who wrote an amusing book for my entertainment. the actor and the housewife. funny, especially if you're a mormon.

...to the law firm who donated an office chair to our family room that has provided an endless amount of laughing and ridiculous dizziness.